


Deception

by Siancore



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Falcon & The Winter Soldier
Genre: Bottom Sam, Crimes & Criminals, Darkfic, Jealous Bucky, M/M, Mutilation, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Top Bucky, Violence, dom bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-02-07 23:54:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 79,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21466606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siancore/pseuds/Siancore
Summary: That’s when he saw him, standing by the fucking ice sculpture: The most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 606
Kudos: 539





	1. Chapter 1

Some people liked to party with all of the lights on, Sam Wilson mused, as he walked through the crowded ballroom. Elaborate chandeliers hung from the ceiling lighting the entire room. Sam never really understood the appeal of chamber music, champagne, and canapes at these formal events. He was only there because Stark was a colleague and was hosting. This was not Sam’s idea of fun at all. He walked over to a very detailed ice sculpture and examined it. There were people going thirsty in the world, but hey, at least these rich people had a nice sculpture to walk past and ignore.

Bucky Barnes always found these events to be a bore. They were always the same: A room full of rich people in expensive clothing stroking each other’s dicks and patting one another on the back for their ‘generosity’. It was a farce; they were trying to convince themselves that these little annual shindigs where they handed over a small portion of their wealth made up for the irreparable damage their multinational companies did. Sure, Bucky was well-off himself, but he didn’t grow up that way, so he had a disdain for them. Maybe he was a pessimist at heart; maybe he just hated people in general. Either way, he didn’t know if he could spend another minute in their company, even if it was for work.

That’s when he saw him, standing by the fucking ice sculpture: The most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on. He wore an understated black suit, white dress shirt, and a blue bowtie. Bucky sipped from his drink and eyed the stranger. He stood out, and not because he was ridiculously attractive, but because he seemed out of place, much like Bucky felt. He approached him.

Sam saw the hot guy, dressed completely in black, as he walked in Sam’s direction. His steely gaze was fixed on Sam, and his lips turned up into a little smile. In no time, both men were standing in front of each other.

Bucky used his glass to gesture to the sculpture and said, “Have you ever seen anything more pretentious than this?”

Sam let out a little laugh, “Nah, can’t say I have.”

“I’d bet good money that not one o’ these rich assholes have looked at it once tonight,” Bucky proffered. “But they’d sure as shit complain if it wasn’t here.”

“Is that why you came over here?” asked Sam. “To prove you’re not like these other assholes?”

It was a little dig at the other man. He was standing there in a three-thousand-dollar suit talking shit about the other rich people. Sam wanted to know what he was about. The man let out a wry laugh, licked his lips, and then let his eyes roam up and down Sam’s body; Sam noticed, as his mouth began to water.

“I’m _not_ like them,” he replied, stepping closer to Sam; he smelled so good.

“Because you noticed the pretty, but useless block of ice?”

“No,” said Bucky, as he dipped his gaze to Sam’s lips. “My taste is more refined than theirs.”

“Oh, really?” asked Sam, a little flirtatiously. “How’s that?”

“I feel like I can be straightforward with you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, my taste is more refined than theirs because you’re the most stunning thing in this room, and no one even came over to talk to you until I did.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile.

“Smooth,” said Sam.

“You got no idea, dollface,” Bucky replied, as he finished his drink.

“Sam Wilson,” he said while extending his hand.

“Bucky Barnes.”

When their hands met, neither wanted to let go right away. There was this strong attraction between them and they each felt it.

“Bucky Barnes?” said Sam with raised eyebrows. “Sounds like a rich asshole’s name.”

Both men laughed, and then Sam added, “You gonna say something corny like, I should get used to it ‘cause I’ll be callin’ it out later?”

“We’re still bein’ straightforward?”

Sam nodded his head, and Bucky said, “To answer your question: No.”

“No?” said Sam. “So, you’re not interested?”

“I’m interested, but I’d never say that.”

“Because you’re not corny?”

“I’m corny as fuck,” said Bucky, causing Sam to laugh again.

Mirth danced behind Bucky’s eyes at the sweet sound.

“It’s gonna be hard for you to say my name later,” Bucky supplied.

“Why?” Sam challenged, causing Bucky to smile.

He stepped, closer, leaned in, and whispered in Sam’s ear, “Because, it’s gonna be hard to say much of anything with my dick in your mouth.”

Sam felt a shiver course through his entire body and a stirring in his pants as Bucky inched away from him. He bit his bottom lip, and eyed Bucky, whose gaze was burning into him.

“You seem sure of yourself,” Sam offered, not knowing what else to say, as his skin was flushed, and his heart was racing. “Who says it’ll come to that?”

“Well,” said Bucky, as he ran his fingers down the left lapel of Sam’s jacket. “Let’s go somewhere private and see what happens.”

xXxXx

Sam Wilson didn’t usually do this. He didn’t usually hook up with random dudes at parties. He didn’t sneak off with them to find an empty room. He didn’t have some make-out session like a horny teenager with guys he just met. Yet, there he was, with his back pressed to the wall and Bucky Barnes’ tongue down his throat.

Bucky brought his lips to Sam’s neck, before sucking his earlobe into his mouth.

“You’re so fuckin’ pretty, baby,” said Bucky, as Sam’s hand cupped his ass. He thrust his hips forward so Sam could feel his hardness, and to relieve some of the pressure.

Sam brought his hand between them to rub Bucky through the expensive fabric of his pants, and was rewarded by Bucky with a breathy, “_Fuck_.”

They shared another hot, messy kiss, as Sam began to undo Bucky’s belt and zipper. He slipped his hand into his pants and took hold of his stiffness. He worked his hand up and down the shaft expertly, causing Bucky’s breath to hitch.

“God, you’re so good at that. But I can’t come in these fuckin’ pants.”

Sam pecked his lips, smiled, and then said, “You won’t.”

He pushed Bucky back a little, and then pulled the trousers down, before kneeling before him. Bucky took off his jacket, tossed it aside, and then lifted the hem of his shirt so he could see what Sam was about to do. Sam looked up at him, and then smiled before licking the entire length of his dick. As Sam sucked his thick cock into his mouth, Bucky placed his free hand to the back of Sam’s head.

“Make it good and quick, baby,” said Bucky. “I wanna get you back to my place and fuck you so hard that you can’t walk properly.”

xXxXx

Sweat dripped from Bucky’s body onto Sam as he drove himself into Sam’s tight hole. Sam wrapped his legs firmly around Bucky’s hips and dug his nails into forearms. Bucky stared into his eyes as he thrust into him. It was so intense that Sam tried to avert his gaze.

“Don’t,” said Bucky with his breathing labored. “Don’t look away from me.”

Sam did as he was told, and his eyes found Bucky’s again. He dipped his head to kiss Sam quickly before continuing to drill into him.

“Hmmmm,” Bucky moaned. “You like it, baby?”

“Harder. I can take it.”

“Hmmm, ask me nicely.”

“Please,” Sam begged.

“Say it like you mean it,” Bucky demanded.

“Fuck me harder, please.”

Bucky obliged him and fucked him with more fervor until they both came together, and laid in a sweaty, sated heap.

…..

Sam didn’t think he could move, as he lay on the bed next to the man he had only just met, but who had thoroughly fucked him into oblivion. He discreetly tried to shift but was too stiff. He hadn’t been with anyone for some time, and his body was reminding him of that fact.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, as he turned his head to glance at Sam.

“Yeah, dude,” said Sam. “It’s just been a minute since I’ve been with anyone. Should’ve did some warm-up stretches or somethin’ first.”

Bucky chuckled at the gorgeous man lying next to him.

“I’ll remember for next time,” said Bucky.

“So, there’s gonna be a next time?” asked Sam a little coyly.

Bucky rolled onto his side, leaned up on his elbow, and then ran his hand over Sam’s chest.

“If you want there to be, dollface,” Bucky said, before dipping his head so that he could kiss Sam once more. It was gentle, soft, not like the kisses that led them to their current situation.

Sam smiled up at Bucky, and then said, “Yeah, I do.”

Just then, Sam’s phone went off.

“Leave it,” said Bucky, already lapping at Sam’s neck.

“I can’t,” said Sam. “I’m on call for work.”

It rang again, and Bucky sighed loudly, before rolling off of Sam. Sam sat, with some difficulty, and searched his discarded clothes for his phone. He answered the call: It was his colleague, Sharon Carter.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey, Wilson. Sorry to call at this time.”

“All good,” said Sam. “What’s up?”

“N’Jadaka will be Stateside this week.”

“That’s earlier than expected,” said Sam, trying to keep his voice down; Bucky reached for his own phone and started scrolling. “What do you need me to do?”

“Take point on his security detail,” said Sharon.

“I thought those guys brought their own people?”

“He’s trying to be inconspicuous,” she explained. “Besides, SHIELD helping the Wakandan royal family is the diplomatic thing to do.”

“Okay,” said Sam. “I’ll get onto it tomorrow.”

“Thanks. Goodnight.”

“Night,” said Sam as he ended the call and then turned to Bucky. “Sorry, was work.”

“Everything okay?” asked Bucky, as he looked up from his screen and noticed Sam gathering up his clothes.

“Yeah, just a deadline got moved up.”

“You headin’ out?”

“Yeah, man,” said Sam as he began to dress. “I gotta get an early start tomorrow.”

“That sucks,” said Bucky, truly disappointed that Sam was not going to spend the night. “Can I have your number?”

“Sure,” said Sam, as he took Bucky’s phone and typed in his details.

“Will you be busy this week with work stuff?” asked Bucky as he watched Sam button his shirt.

“Why, you gonna call me?” Sam asked with a playful smile.

“Yes,” said Bucky. “You gonna answer?”

Sam grinned at him, and then said, “Yeah.”

…..

After kissing and fondling one another for another twenty minutes, Sam finally left in the car that Bucky had ordered for him. Bucky sent him a text requesting that Sam let him know that he got home safely. He wouldn’t usually do that for someone he hooked up with at a party, but there was something about Sam Wilson that he could not explain. He smiled when Sam replied and said he would.

Just then, Bucky’s work burner phone went off. He sighed, and then retrieved it from the top drawer of his side table.

“Yes?”

“New job,” said the voice at the other end of the secure line.

“Who’s the target?”

“Wakandan royal family member.”

“How much?” asked Bucky.

“Two million. Half now, half upon completion. Do you accept the job?”

“Yes,” said Bucky.

He heard a beep and checked his phone screen. One million dollars was transferred into his account.

“Good,” said the voice. “Details to follow. The target will most likely have SHIELD agents on loan as part of the security detail.”

“That won’t be a problem,” said Bucky. “I’ve handled those guys before.”

“Good, I’ll be in touch.”

Bucky ended the call, placed the work phone back in the drawer, and then checked his personal phone. He smiled when he saw a message from Sam to say that he had arrived home safely. He had a good time with this guy, and even though he couldn’t tell him what he really did for work, he was looking forward to spending more time with him.

He typed his response: _Goodnight gorgeous._

And hoped this new assignment didn’t take up too much of his time that could be better spent with Sam Wilson.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get messy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the great response to this. Enjoy!

The aroma of coffee filled the briefing room as one of the interns handed cups out. Sam gave a quick thanks and then waited for Sharon to catch everyone up on the week’s assignments. Sam had already been tasked to get a security team together for when Wakandan Prince N’Jadaka arrived, so he was in the meeting more as a formality than to receive his orders.

He instinctively reached for his phone in his pocket, forgetting a moment that they are not allowed to bring devices into the briefing room. He received a good morning message from that guy he hooked up with the night before. The rich asshole who fucked him so good he really _was_ having difficulty walking: Bucky Barnes.

Sam thought back to their night and felt his skin flush warm. He thought back to the morning’s messages and had to bite back a little grin.

Bucky: _Morning dollface. How you feeling?_

Sam: _I’m good. But also kinda wrecked? I’m worn out dude. _

Bucky: _Hmmm that’s good to know I did that._

Sam: _You got a stupid ass smile on your face right now?_

Then Bucky sent through a goofy, smiling selfie. _Fuck, he’s so goddamn hot_, Sam thought as he stared at the screen for a moment too long.

Bucky: _What can I say? You make me smile…among other things._

Sam knew he’d most likely be late for work if their texting kept heading in this direction. But he didn’t care. This guy was addictive.

Sam: _Oh yeah? What other things?_

Another picture came through. This time it was a waist-down shot of Bucky. He was obviously lying on his bed – the bed that he fucked Sam into only a few hours before – still completely naked, holding his erection in his hand.

_Shit. _Sam was still tender from all of that.

Sam: _You woke up like that uh?_

Bucky: _That’s what you do to me._

Sam: _What are you doing now? _

Bucky: _Stroking this dick and thinking about you. How good you were. How you were begging for it. How I can’t wait to be inside you again. Make you beg again. Fuck you so hard again._

Sam: _Damn Barnes. _

That was all he could think to say as he imagined Bucky jerking off. He did not have to picture him much longer, because Bucky’s response was a video of himself rubbing his hand up and down the length of his swollen cock. Sam began to salivate as he watched the clip of Bucky pleasuring himself. His own dick twitched as he listened to the sound of Bucky’s heavy breathing and moans.

When he said, “_Fuck, Sam,” _it was too much. Sam reached into his jeans and a stroked himself as he watched Bucky. It ended with Bucky coming all over his hand and stomach, and Sam started it again as he brought himself closer to his own release.

Bucky: _You okay over there?_

He’d have to wait as Sam was preoccupied. He watched again as the white, hot spurts shot from the tip of Bucky’s big, red cock, and then dripped down his hand and landed on his abdomen. Sam remembered exactly how he tasted as he strummed himself harder. He replayed the part where Bucky cursed and said his name, and that’s what brought him undone. With a jerk of his hips, Sam came hard. He was a mess; hand and dick covered in his own seed. His head was swimming, though he had enough clarity to take a quick picture of his spent dick. He sent it to Bucky, with the caption: _I’m doin better than okay. _

_Fuckin beautiful, _was Bucky’s reply.

Sam was drawn from his thoughts by Sharon repeating his name.

“Wilson? You with us?”

“Sorry, yeah,” said Sam. “Can you say again?”

“I said have you got your team together yet?”

“Yes,” Sam replied. “Gonna brief them after we’re done here.”

xXxXx

The day was like any other for Bucky Barnes. He showered; had breakfast alone; checked the news feed on his phone; and waited for the information on his next target to come through. It was really any other day for the assassin – except that he could still smell the lingering, intoxicating scent of Sam Wilson on his skin.

He really lucked out the previous night. He was at the gala to gather intel on another target and see how their security handled bustling, public appearances. Said target would be easy to eliminate. Bucky could have done it right there and then, but he was methodical in his work. Prided himself on formulating a plan with every type of worst-case scenario in mind, and then executing it with precision and skill. He could have killed the guy that night, easily, he was just some other rich motherfucker whose colleague wanted him dead.

Bucky’s work was done for the evening when he spotted Sam. He didn’t usually hit on guys when he was on the job, but there was something about the handsome man standing near the ice sculpture. It was like Bucky was actually drawn to him. The pull was strong enough that he gave him his _real_ name, something he never did. The need to have him was so intense, that he brought him back to his _actual _home; again, something he would not normally do.

_Sam Wilson was addictive. _

Bucky was shaken from his reverie by a notification coming through on his tablet. It was the information on his newest target. This guy wouldn’t be as easy to eliminate as the one he was going to off at a fundraiser at the end of the week. This guy was a statesman. A prince. His security detail would be highly trained. SHIELD would be involved. The window to take him out would be small; it always was with foreign dignitaries. And this guy had a military background. Trained with elite forces all over the world. Bucky would have to be thorough and careful with this job. If he pulled it off, he could cement himself as the go-to guy to eliminate the highest of the high-profile targets. A few more jobs like this, and he could retire for good.

xXxXx

Sam saw the name flash on his screen and almost groaned: It was Tony Stark. He considered not answering, but knew he would just call back.

“Hey, Tony,” said Sam. “What’s up, man?”

“What’s up, man? What up? Here’s what’s up,” said Tony, as Sam roiled his eyes. “You didn’t come to the gala last night.”

“What? Of course I did.”

“Well, why didn’t I see you there?”

“Dude, you were busy.”

“So, you just showed up, and then left?”

“Nah, I mingled,” said Sam, trying to be as vague as possible.

“Mingled?”

“Yeah, man,” said Sam. “Mingled.”

“Who’s the guy?”

“What guy?”

“The one you were mingling with.”

“Come on, man.”

“I’m just sayin’,” Tony offered, slightly annoyed. “You usually at least say hello at these things when I hook you up with an invite. Had to be some guy who got your attention. Which has me stumped because the men at these things are usually old, rich, and married. Tell me Wilson, are you now a sugar baby? Because I tried to daddy you once, to no avail.”

“Fuck off,” said Sam with a little laugh. “Was just some dude, okay. Maybe my age; maybe a bit younger than me.”

“What’s his name?”

“Barnes.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“He was at your party.”

“A lot of people were,” said Tony. “Doesn’t mean I know them. Hell, the people I _do_ know don’t even come up and talk to me.”

“I’m sorry,” said Sam in earnest. “You were busy, and Barnes was hot.”

“Okay, I believe you,” Tony conceded. “You know I’m gonna go through the security footage and to see if he was as hot as you say he is.”

“Man, you got too much time on your hands,” said Sam, as he shook his head.

Tony laughed and then said, “Probably. Hey, you wanna grab some dinner tonight?”

“Stark.”

“What? I feel bad that I invited you to the thing and then was too busy to talk.”

“Just dinner?” said Sam, not wanting Tony to get the wrong idea. They were colleagues, and maybe they had a thing in the past, but Sam moved on from it; Tony was still holding out hope, though.

“Yeah, just dinner.”

“Okay,” said Sam. “Text the details.”

xXxXx

Life was pretty lonely when you were a hired gun. Bucky didn’t maintain many relationships. He cut ties with his family and didn’t have any real friends save for one. In his line of work, people were either one of two things: A target, or a distraction. Bucky couldn’t afford to be distracted. Distractions made you sloppy; being sloppy got you killed.

That was one reason why Bucky had surprised himself with his seeming infatuation with Sam Wilson. Bucky was the fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type. He had to be. He could not get involved with someone and drag them into the abyss that was his life. But in twelve or so hours, he had met, bedded, and kept in contact with Sam Wilson. When he wasn’t cleaning weapons in his armory, he was thinking of Sam; when he wasn’t mapping out escape routes for his next job, he was wondering what Sam was doing. It was becoming ridiculous. He barely knew the man. Still, he wondered if they could see one another again, soon.

…..

The usually commanding and stern Sam chided himself silently when he answered the phone call like a giddy schoolboy. His voice was nearly an octave higher than normal, even though he was speaking barely above a whisper so that his workmates would not hear.

“Hey, Bucky. What’re you doin’?”

“Wanted to hear your voice,” he said. “Is this a bad time?”

“Uh, I’m just at work,” said Sam.

“So, no chance of you sneakin’ off to the bathroom and touching yourself again and sending me a pic?”

“You’re so bad,” said Sam, though his skin now felt warm.

“Baby, I’m the absolute worst,” Bucky replied with a smile.

“So?”

“So,” said Bucky. “Are you free later?”

“Not really,” said Sam truthfully. “Going to dinner.”

“What, like a date?” asked Bucky, feeling quite annoyed at the prospect of Sam being with some other guy.

“Nope, just catching up with a _friend_,” said Sam.

“You can’t cancel?”

“Nah, man,” said Sam, though he was seriously considering it. “I haven’t seen him for a minute, so I better not.”

“Shit.”

“Aww, you want to see me again so soon?”

“Yes.”

“This ass got you hooked, uh?” Sam teased.

Bucky laughed, “You wouldn’t be so cocky if I got you alone in my bedroom again.”

Now Sam laughed, tempted to try his theory out. Just then, he was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder by Sharon.

“Shit, Bucky, I gotta go.”

“Okay, dollface,” said Bucky. “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“Hope so,” said Sam, before ending the call.

xXxXx

It was actually one-hundred and fifty-something hours, give or take, before the pair would see one another again; not that Bucky was counting or anything. Bucky’s Wakandan target had pushed his visit back, so both Bucky and Sam had some time on their hands, for the same reason, though said reason was unbeknownst to the other. They’d been talking all week. And it had been nice. Refreshing. A change of pace for both of them.

In Bucky, Sam had found this interesting, mysterious, and hot-as-fuck man who made it no secret how much he wanted Sam. It was flattering and fun.

In Sam, Bucky had found this sweet, sexy, _normal_ guy with whom he had easy banter. It was a welcome change from the violent, lonely times; the isolation.

Bucky had been trying to get Sam to agree to hooking up again, but Sam had said his schedule wouldn’t allow for it so soon. Truth was, Sam was doing some contemplating when he wasn’t sexting Bucky. The whole scenario was intense, and Sam was not used to it. He usually _dated_ guys before he had sex with them. What happened between him and Barnes was exciting, but it was kind of scary, too. He could feel himself being drawn to the man, and he knew nothing about him. He could be a serial killer for all Sam knew. So, he declined any offers of a second hook-up, even though his dick was telling him otherwise. That was until he received a call from Stark one morning.

“Hi, Tony,” Sam greeted, as he placed the lid on his orange juice and set it down on the counter.

“Wilson, so nice of you to answer,” Tony said, pretending to be playful, but Sam could sense a bitterness behind his toe.

“You know I run most mornings.”

“Yeah, yeah, listen: The ticket to the fundraiser on Saturday night, did you get it?”

_Shit,_ Sam thought. He had received the email, but wasn’t really that interested in going. He knew Tony would want it to be a thing. Sam didn’t want to have a thing with him. Tony knew that, but persisted nevertheless.

“Yeah, man. Thanks. Not sure what I was supposed to do with it –”

“You’re supposed to come along and have a good time,” said Tony. “Some appreciation would be nice, too.”

He was pretending to be making a joke, but Sam knew he was feeling wounded.

“If you’d let me finish,” said Sam. “I was sayin’, I don’t know why you hook me up with tickets to these things. I can’t afford to make any kind of donations to the charities. Well, not any that make a difference.”

“You could just come as arm candy for me,” he said with a laugh, feigning a joke; he meant it, though.

“Let me finish, Stark,” said Sam. “I gave it away to someone else.”

Sam was lying in an attempt to brush Tony off.

“Who else could afford to come?”

“I know other people,” said Sam.

“Is it the guy you met last weekend?”

“Maybe. Fine; yeah, I gave it to him.”

Silence pervaded, before Tony said, “All right, then. Can’t wait to meet him.”

“Yeah, man,” said Sam. “I’m sure you’ll both hit it off.”

With that, they ended the call, and Sam said, “Shit.”

He scrolled through his phone, and found Bucky’s number before calling him. Bucky answered right away.

“Hello, gorgeous.”

“Hey,” said Sam, still unable to stop himself from smiling at Bucky’s fond greeting. “You got a minute?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“You’re a rich asshole, right?” asked Sam; he heard Bucky laugh, amusedly.

“Yes, baby,” Bucky replied. “I am.”

“Well, did you want to go to a fundraiser on Saturday?”

“With you?”

“Nah, I mean, I was given a ticket, but my money is _all_ kinds o’ funny,” said Sam, causing Bucky to chuckle. “So, I thought maybe you could use it. Go along and help a charity out. It’d be a shame to waste the ticket.”

“You’re a sweetheart,” said Bucky, which caused Sam to grin. “Which charity?”

“Stark Industries set up a charity to help people from war torn parts of the world,” Sam explained.

“ActNow Foundation?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” said Sam. “You know it?”

“Sure,” said Bucky. “I’ll be there on Saturday.”

“For real?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, knowing full well that he was going to eliminate his target after the event, but still somehow wanted to use it as an excuse to see Sam Wilson. It was fucked up; he was fucked up. “Why don’t you keep your ticket, meet me there, and we’ll go together?”

This was a reckless idea, but Bucky was not thinking straight. He was obsessing over Sam. He’d use _any_ opportunity to be near him, even if it was at a location where he was about to kill someone.

“Like a date?” asked Sam, as he bit his lip.

“Like whatever you want to call it,” said Bucky. “So long as you come with me.”

“Okay,” said Sam, feeling excitement creep up inside of him. “Fuck it. Let’s do it.”

…..

The ride to the venue was quick. It didn’t give Sam time to truly calm his nerves. He didn’t know exactly why he was nervous, but he was. Bucky had sent a car to get him, even though Sam told him he did not have to. It seemed like Sam’s date – yeah, _date_ – was a bit of a control freak. Told him he’d feel better knowing that Sam would get there on time, in style and comfort. And Bucky certainly delivered. The car was a black Lexus GS F. The driver didn’t speak much, only to ask Sam if he had a preference for music. He didn’t, so they rode in silence until they reached the venue. The driver went to open the door for Sam, but he waved him off.

“Thanks, man,” Sam proffered, before climbing out of the vehicle and eyeing the five-star hotel.

He checked his phone, to see a message from Bucky informing him that he was waiting in the foyer for him. Sam replied, and then headed toward the entrance.

Bucky spotted Sam as soon as he stepped inside. He felt this odd sensation in his stomach at the sight of his date. His suit was a navy blue that looked striking on him. Bucky let his eyes roam over Sam’s form as he remembered what he looked like without a shred of clothing on and panting underneath him. When their eyes met, they shared a smile, and Sam headed in his direction.

There was that pull again, that attraction, that was invisible, but felt as if it had both men tethered to one another. They kept their eyes locked on to one another as they inched closer together. Sam gave Bucky a coy smile, but Bucky offered him a deliciously wicked grin. When they were close enough to touch, Sam went to shake his hand, but Bucky had other ideas; other urges. And he did not care who was around. He reached a hand up to Sam’s face, ran his thumb over his lips, and then grabbed him by the back of his neck, pulling him close so that their lips crashed together. The kiss was firm and possessive. Bucky wanted everyone to know that Sam was with him. That Sam was _his._

When they broke apart, Sam’s lips were swollen, his heart was racing, and he was slightly breathless. Bucky straightened Sam’s tie, smiled at him, and said, “Hey there, dollface.”

…..

The speeches seemed to go on forever, Sam thought, as he and Bucky sat at a table with three other people neither of them knew. Sam wasn’t usually one for overt public displays of affection, especially at formal gatherings, but he didn’t stop Bucky from taking liberties with him. He would hold Sam’s hand; brush a sure palm against his face; lean in for a quick kiss; and rub his thigh. Presently, he had a possessive hand placed on Sam’s leg.

Sam would be lying if he said he didn’t find it sexy, to have, undoubtedly, the hottest guy in the room with his hands all over him. Sam knew what Bucky’s hands could do; what his mouth could do; what his cock could do. It was all he could think about as another person finished up their speech.

…..

Bucky removed his hand from Sam’s leg only to clap, albeit it unenthusiastically, for the person who had stopped talking. He glanced over at Sam, before asking if he was alright and if he was having fun.

“I’m good,” said Sam. “It’s nice.”

“You’re nice,” said Bucky, as he flirted with Sam in leaned in closer to him.

One of the other guests, a white woman in her late sixties, cleared her throat and shot Bucky and Sam disapproving looks. They both noticed, and Sam went to pull away, but Bucky cupped his face and drew him in for a kiss. It was unhurried and sensual, causing the woman to blush and avert her gaze. Bucky broke the kiss, and then wiped his thumb over Sam’s bottom lip before smiling at him.

“I’m glad you came tonight,” said Bucky as he stared into Sam’s beautiful brown eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” Sam replied.

It seemed that all of the formal presentations were finished, and guests were free to mingle with one another. Bucky remained close to Sam as the other people on their table either got up or waved serving staff over for more drinks.

To Bucky’s left, two tables across, sat his target. He was a robust white man in his mid-fifties, red-faced and balding. The CEO of some security company that had shady dealings with shady characters. For want of a better description, he was an arms dealer. A corrupt fucker in a Givenchy suit. There was to be a take-over of his company, and he was going to be off of everyone’s Christmas lists.

Bucky kept an eye on him discreetly while listening to Sam talk. He had learned a long time ago how to survey a room and use his peripheral vision to keep track of a target. Givenchy-Suit-Fucker was busy drinking too much champagne and groping waiting staff. Bucky had figured out how he was going to off him, but the plan had changed now that Sam was with him.

Instead of shooting Givenchy-Suit-Fucker as he walked to his car, Bucky was going to have to follow his town car, run him off the road, and then put a bullet in his head. He would tell Sam he needed to handle something for work, put him in a car, and send him to wait at his place. Then, Bucky’d come home and proceed to blow Sam’s back out. All in a night’s work. He’d killed people with less of a plan before; this would be okay, he reassured himself.

Just then, he heard a man’s voice greet Sam. Bucky turned his head to see an older man, dressed very well, placing his hand to Sam’s shoulder. Sam stood and they hugged each other; Bucky eyed them, ignoring his target a moment.

“What the hell, Wilson? I thought that was you. What happened to giving the ticket away?” asked Tony; he was tipsy, Sam noted.

Sam shrugged and laughed a little nervously.

“He already had one, so we came together,” Sam explained.

Tony placed his hand over his heart and said, “You wound me, Sammy.”

He then looked at Bucky, who tilted his head and gave a crooked half-smile.

“You must be Barnes?” said Tony, as he reached out a hand.

Bucky stood up, buttoned his jacket, and shook Tony’s hand.

“That’s right, and you’re Tony Stark?” he asked

“Guilty as charged. So, you two, uh?” asked Tony as he gestured to both of them. “Date night?”

Sam dipped his gaze and glanced sideways at Bucky. He really did feel bad about using the ticket Tony had given him, which he lied about, to come with some other man.

“Yeah,” replied Bucky, as he slipped his hand into Sam’s and pulled him closer.

“Well, that’s fuckin’ awesome,” said Tony with a sardonic smile.

“Stark –” Sam went to say, before Tony lifted his hand to show he was not finished speaking.

“I got you the ticket,” said Tony to Sam, though he was staring at Bucky. “Hell, I even paid for that suit –”

“A gift I didn’t want in the first place –”

“And you come here with some other dude to throw it in my face?” he said, now turning to Sam. Sam could see he was a little more than tipsy. Sam let out a guilty sigh.

Bucky let go of Sam’s hand, and gently nudged him back so that he was standing just behind Bucky.

“It sounds like he never asked you to do any of those things,” said Bucky.

“Oh, and you know him so well, do you, Barnes?” Tony challenged, stepping closer. “In the week that you’ve been fuckin’ him.”

Bucky snorted and then licked his bottom lip; he clenched his jaw and stared down at Stark, before saying, “I don’t know him well, but at least I can see he doesn’t want your ass. If he did, he wouldn’t be here with me, now would he?”

“For fuck’s sake,” said Sam as he rolled his eyes. “Are y’all done with the pissing contest?”

They kept staring at one another. Other people were staring, too. Sam was feeling the weight of embarrassment in that moment. He really did not like to be in the middle of a scene. Besides, it was okay for those two rich white guys to show their asses in that setting; Sam was certain if the exchange got any more heated, Sam would be the one asked to leave. So, he made the decision himself.

“Tony, thanks for the ticket; Bucky, thanks for the company. I’m gonna head out.”

Bucky turned to look at Sam with a questioning stare.

“You two can finish measuring each other’s dicks,” Sam added. “I’m going home.”

“Sam?” said Bucky as he grabbed him by the arm.

“Don’t,” said Sam, as he stepped away. “I’m sorry. I’m not here for any drama.”

“Sam, come on,” said Bucky. “Let me at least get my car to take you.”

Sam gave him a small, apologetic smile and then said, “Thanks, but it’s cool.”

“Let him go, Barnes,” Tony slurred, pleased with himself that he had ruined their date. “He’ll just hurt you.”

“Shut the hell up, Tony,” said Sam, keeping his voice low. “You’re drunk and making an ass of yourself.”

Bucky was ignoring Stark now as he stepped closer to Sam and gave him the best pleading look he could muster before saying, “Sam. Please, don’t leave. Let’s go back to my place and forget about everything else.”

Sam shrugged, crossed his arms over his chest and said, “Sorry. I’m just not in the mood anymore.”

With that, he leaned in and gave Bucky a quick peck on the cheek, before whispering, “Please don’t kick his ass when I leave.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around Sam and breathed in his scent. He didn’t want to kick Stark’s ass, he wanted to bury him. Instead, he gave Sam a soft kiss on his lips, and then said, “I won’t touch him; but only ‘cause you asked me not to.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans keep changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support!

A pulsing in Bucky’s temple set in while he watched Sam make his way to the exit. He wanted to go after him, but he still had a job to complete. He had changed the plan so many times to accommodate spending time with the man, but now he really needed to get it done: His back-up plan was now in play. 

Bucky searched the room for his mark, keenly aware that Stark was probably arranging to have his ass thrown out at any moment, and saw Givenchy-Suit-Fucker staggering in the same direction Sam had just gone in. He had no security with him and probably needed to piss. Bucky could make his move. He could off him, and then leave, without giving Stark the satisfaction of having him ejected. 

He dipped his head and placed both hands into his pockets. Once he stepped into the short corridor, Bucky saw his target walk by the bathroom and step into the foyer. Bucky kept his head low and avoided the security cameras as he retrieved black leather gloves from his pocket and pulled them onto his hands.

Once outside, he scanned the area. His target was standing off to the left with a lit cigarette in his mouth. There were a few other people waiting for cars, standing around, or just getting some fresh air. Bucky noticed that Sam was standing over on the pavement with his phone in his hand. He fought the urge to go to him, and instead, fixed his gaze on his mark.

Bucky discreetly removed his cufflink from his right wrist and pressed a small button. A needle popped out of one end. Bucky fixed it between his fingers and then walked over to his target.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said, getting his attention. “You can’t smoke here.”

“Uh?” said Givenchy-Suit-Fucker. 

Bucky gestured to the area they were standing in and said, “You can’t smoke here. It’s too close to the entryway.”

He then placed a hand to his shoulder, effectively injecting him with a toxin that made it look like the victim had suffered from cardiac arrest. He pointed to the left and said, “The designated area is over there.”

The other man barely felt the tiny prick. He pushed Bucky’s hand away and said, “Don’t touch me.”

Bucky said nothing further, instead he stepped back, pressed the button once more, and then slipped the cufflink back into his pocket. He then walked away with his eyes fixed on Sam Wilson. He would give him his space tonight, but that did not mean he would not reach out to him in the morning. 

…..

It seemed, Bucky mused, that despite being a stony-faced killer and tactician, he had no fuckin’ resolve at all. He was in his car all of three minutes before he sent a text message to Sam. 

Bucky: _I’m sorry about tonight. I didn’t mean to ruin our date. _

He stared at his phone while he waited for Sam to respond. His heart sank further in his chest with each passing moment that Sam did not reply. 

…..

The phone all but burned a hole through Sam’s hand. He stared down at the message from Bucky. He wanted to reply, he really did, but he needed to step back and breathe. What had happened on their date just confirmed how intense and crazy this whole thing was. 

Tony was right, they didn’t know one another. Sure, they were so very attracted to each other, but they didn’t know what the other was like. Not really. Bucky seemed overly possessive, Sam noted. He would be lying if he said he did not find that to be somewhat sexy, but his better judgement told him to be wary. Maybe they needed to cool it off, whatever it was that they had going on. Maybe the little altercation between Bucky and Tony would provide Sam with a good excuse. A reason to say, ‘Hey, I’m not feeling this.’

But that was a lie: Sam _was_ feeling it. He was _feeling_ Bucky. He wanted to feel _more_ of him. He just wanted to slow things down. Ignoring his message seemed like it would work for the time being. 

…..

Sam Wilson, highly trained SHIELD agent, ex-US Air Force pilot, astute and patient individual, had absolutely no self-control, it seemed. Especially when it came to Bucky Barnes. His attempt at slowing things down lasted all of five minutes before he sent a reply.

Sam: _You didn’t ruin anything. I should’ve thought things through. You probably think I was being a messy bitch._

Bucky: _Nah. Stark was the messy one. But I am sorry. I don’t know what came over me._

Sam: _It’s okay. You were just lookin out for me. Tony was wrong for that._

Bucky: _Yeah. That guy needs to take the hint. What’s his deal with you?_

Sam: _Ugh. I don’t really wanna talk about it right now._

Bucky: _Noted. So what do you want to talk about? We can talk about whatever you like. I’m all ears baby._

xXxXx

Sam was barely through the door before Bucky was all over him. Sam had his back pressed against the wall as his mouth was devoured by Bucky’s lips and tongue. Bucky brought his kisses to Sam’s neck and fumbled with his tie.

“Hey,” said Sam weakly, his dick already hard with anticipation. “Hey, we should – we should go to your bedroom.”

Bucky smiled against his warm skin, pecked a chaste kiss to his lips, and then led him upstairs by the hand. They stepped inside the room and resumed their kissing as they undressed one another. Bucky was almost frantic in how he was tearing the suit that Stark had paid for from Sam’s firm yet pliant body.

After a moment of frenzied, eager hands, the offending garments were lying at their feet. Bucky found enough composure to stop, step back a little, and let his eyes roam over Sam’s nakedness.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he said; his voice was deep and low with arousal.

Sam smiled shyly at him and then bit his bottom lip. He was too lovely, Bucky thought as he stepped toward him, positioning himself behind Sam. Bucky kissed his bare shoulders as he wrapped one arm around his waist and pulled him close. Sam’s back was pressed firmly against Bucky’s chest and he could feel the other man’s hot breath on his neck, as well as his hard cock against his backside.

Bucky bit and sucked at Sam’s neck as his free hand reached around to grasp his erection. His grip was firm as he stroked Sam’s length and whispered in his ear.

“Get these nice and wet for me,” Bucky commanded, while letting go of Sam’s shaft and bringing his fingers to Sam’s mouth.

Sam opened his mouth and licked Bucky’s fingers before sucking them between his lips. Pleased with Sam’s efforts, Bucky removed his fingers from his mouth, and brought his hand back to the other man’s dick. He coated it with Sam’s saliva as he began to strum his hand back and forth.

“Shit,” said Sam, as he let his head roll back. Bucky held him in place while he jerked him off.

His other hand snaked its way up Sam’s chest. He rubbed his rough palm over one of his nipples, before pinching it. Sam let out a little whimper.

“You like that?” Bucky asked as he continued to stroke his dick.

“Hmmm,” was all Sam could manage.

“You want me to be a little rough with you, dollface?” he asked, before sucking at his neck once more.

“Hmm,” said Sam.

Bucky bit into his shoulder and then said, “Tell me what you want.”

“I want it rough,” said Sam; he sounded so needy to his own ears. That is what Bucky Barnes had done to him.

Bucky dug his fingernails into Sam’s chest and dragged them slowly across his hot flesh. It burned, but in the most delicious way possible. Sam let out a little moan and leaned into Bucky. He rolled his hips so his ass ground against Bucky’s dick. It felt amazing, but Bucky was more concerned with getting Sam off first.

He brought his hand up to Sam’s throat and applied some pressure, before saying, “Don’t do that, sweet baby. I’m in charge, okay? I get to say who comes first, alright?”

Sam nodded his head as Bucky kept handling him: One firm hand milking his impossibly hard cock; the other grasping his neck. Bucky squeezed both a little harder and Sam felt like he was ascending.

“This okay?” he asked; Sam nodded again, so Bucky persisted.

Sam could barely hold himself together as Bucky choked and stroked him from behind. His pleasure, coupled with the other man’s expert grip, had him feeling deliciously lightheaded. After a few deft flicks of his wrist, Bucky had Sam coming in his hand. He held Sam in place as the stream of semen shot from his swollen, pulsing sex.

Bucky licked some of Sam’s come from his fingers and said, “Hmmm, you taste so fuckin’ good.”

He then brought his come-stained hand to Sam’s mouth and said, “Clean them for me, baby.”

Sam did as he was told and licked the stickiness from Bucky’s fingers before they shared a messy kiss. Sam could scarcely stand as Bucky walked him toward the bed. He nudged him forward. Sam climbed onto the mattress and rested on his forearms and knees. Semen was still spurting from his tip as it dripped onto the bedcovers. He was fighting to catch his breath as Bucky found the lube and began to coat his own cock with it. He stood behind Sam and admired the view of Sam’s perfect ass as the last of his seed spilled onto the bed.

“You okay, dollface?”

“Yeah,” Sam breathed. “Please, just get inside of me.”

Bucky smiled, grabbed Sam’s hips roughly, and dragged him back to the edge of the bed. He squeezed more lube into his hand; he then rubbed it over Sam’s hole before inserting one finger, and then two. He massaged him a little, before thrusting in and out, stretching him wide open. It stung in a nice way, and Sam moaned. Bucky took his own cock into his hand and strummed a few times, before he withdrew his fingers and rubbed his smooth crown over Sam’s hole. 

Still standing, he inched the tip in slowly at first and pushed into the other man until he bottomed out. Then he took hold of Sam’s hips, holding him in place, but did not move. 

“Did Stark ever fuck you like this?” he asked, taking Sam a little by surprise. 

“N-no,” said Sam.

“I bet he wanted to,” said Bucky as he withdrew his length, letting out a small moan. “Didn’t he, baby?”

“Yes,” said Sam, as he closed his eyes. “He did.”

“But you don’t want him, do you, dollface?” said Bucky, as he slid his thick cock back inside of Sam’s tight little hole. 

“No,” Sam whispered, before moaning shamelessly. 

Bucky bottomed out once more, before teasingly sliding his length out until only the tip was still inside of Sam.

“Tell me who you want.”

“You,” said Sam. “I want you.”

Bucky smiled, and then rammed his cock into Sam with force.

“Good,” he said, as he began to fuck Sam. “Good, ‘cause I only want you.”

Bucky grunted like some wild beast as he thrust harder and faster. The sound of Sam’s moans was almost drowned out by the sound of their skin slapping together as Bucky drilled him from behind.

“Oh, _fuck_,” said Sam, as he closed his eyes.

“Hmmm,” Bucky moaned. “Talk to me, Sammy. Tell me how you want it.”

“Hmmm, shit,” Sam whimpered. “Just like that. Keep fuckin’ me just like that.”

Bucky dug his nails into Sam’s searing hot flesh as he kept pounding him.

“Fuck, Sammy, you’re so fuckin’ tight, baby,” Bucky breathed.

Sam twisted his body a little so that he could look back at Bucky a moment. A shiver shot through his core when he saw the look in his eyes, that appeared to be two shades darker than normal.

“Shit,” said Bucky. “You keep lookin’ at me like that and I’m not gonna last.”

“Then don’t,” said Sam, breathlessly.

“You want me to come?”

“Hmm, yeah,” Sam offered.

“You want me to come in you, or on you, dollface?”

“Whatever you want, daddy,” said Sam.

Bucky almost blew his load in that moment as he said, “Shit, baby, you’re so fuckin’ hot.”

He ceased his thrusting, but kept his dripping, throbbing cock planted firmly in Sam’s ass. He took hold of Sam hips and then pushed him forward and then backward again and again, effectively sliding him back and forth on his straining dick.

“_Fuck_,” Sam cursed as the other man forced his ass over his length.

Bucky kept pulling Sam toward him; kept impaling Sam and inching himself closer to his own climax. Feeling more and more desperate to find his release, Bucky jerked Sam’s hips backward, and thrust into him at the same time. In doing so, he hit Sam’s spot and elicited a glorious moan from him as Sam’s cock shuddered and a second orgasm rippled through him. Bucky followed immediately after as he cursed loudly and then came in Sam’s ass.

“Shit,” said Bucky as he moaned and panted. “Shit.”

He stayed planted inside of Sam as he filled him with his seed. After a moment, when he caught his breath, he withdrew himself with a loud moan and watched as Sam collapsed onto the bed. Bucky fell down next to him and placed his forearm over his eyes for a beat. After a little while, Bucky glanced over at Sam, who was laid on his side, with his back facing to him, trying to find some composure. They were both covered in sweat and still trying to steady their breathing. Bucky shifted closer to Sam and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck that was so soft you wouldn’t believe he had just, only moments ago, fucked him that hard.

“You, okay, beautiful boy?” Bucky whispered in his ear as he draped an arm over Sam’s waist and peppered gentle kisses all over the lovely sweat-covered skin of his shoulder. Bucky threaded their fingers together and was happy when Sam squeezed his hand back.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “That was –”

“Amazing,” said Bucky, kissing him some more.

“Yes,” said Sam. “Great way to finish the night.”

“It doesn’t have to end here,” said Bucky, with the tiniest hint of hope in his voice. “You could spend the night. I got spare pajamas here. Or you could stay like this. Lord knows I wouldn’t be mad at you.”

Sam let out a sigh, and then shifted so that he was sitting up on the bed. Bucky mirrored him.

“I should probably go, Bucky,” said Sam softly, averting his gaze.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, man. I gotta go into work tomorrow.”

“What is it that you do that has you goin’ in on the weekend?”

“Work at the VA,” Sam lied. It was his usual cover as he really did used to do that work. He did not let people know what he did for a living now, least of all some dude he was fucking. “What about you? How you afford digs like this? You some tech genius or something?”

Bucky laughed, and then said, “Nah, nothin’ like that. I spent five years in the army.”

“Dude, the army don’t pay this well,” said Sam.

Bucky tickled Sam’s ribs playfully and said, “Let me finish, smartass.”

“Alright,” said Sam as he laughed and squirmed a little, waiting for Bucky to continue.

The part about serving was true, but the rest was a fabrication.

“Did a handful of tours, came home, and my grandmother passed and left me some money,” he lied. “So, I went into business with an old army buddy of mine. Started off a niche security form, giving protection to folks who were traveling to pretty dangerous places around the world. Then we got into manufacturing tactical gear, and the market was booming. Made some wise investments that paid off. Now my buddy and I can pay people to run the company for us.”

“Wow,” said Sam. “That’s impressive.”

“It’s nothin’,” said Bucky, waving it off. “You at the VA? Did you serve?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied truthfully. “Air Force. Two tours.”

“Pilot?”

“Yeah, then AFSOC.”

“Pararescue?”

“Yep,” said Sam, suddenly feeling like he was giving away too much of his true self.

“So, you’re a hero,” said Bucky with a genuine smile.

“Dunno about all o’ that,” said Sam with a coy smile. “Was just doin’ my job.”

“Nah, man, you’re a real-life hero,” said Bucky as he brushed his hand across Sam’s face.

“You tryin’ to butter me up so I’ll stay?” Sam teased.

“Not at all,” said Bucky. “But if it’s workin’.”

Sam blessed him with a toothy grin and said, “How about a compromise?”

“Go on,” said Bucky.

“I’ll have a shower with you before I go,” Sam offered.

Bucky stood up, took hold of both of Sam’s hands and dragged him to his feet as he said, “Come on, then.”

…..

“These pants are too tight, Barnes,” said Sam as he glanced at himself in the mirror.

“Your ass looks great,” said Bucky as he tilted his head and ogled Sam. He had to admit, he liked seeing him in his clothing. It filled him with satisfaction.

“Well, that’s no secret,” said Sam. “My ass looks good in everything.”

Bucky nodded his head, smiled, and said, “You’re not wrong about that.”

He stepped closer to Sam and took the liberty of cupping his ass from behind. His eyes went dark again as he thought back to earlier in the night when he was fucking that ass.

“Don’t get any ideas,” said Sam. “I’m still not spending the night.”

Bucky sighed and said, “Okay, well, at least you’re in my clothes and out of the suit Stark gave you.”

Sam turned and raised his eyebrow, “Is that why you offered to lend me clothes? Because you hate Tony’s suit?”

“No, dollface,” said Bucky. “I really do want your ride home to be comfortable. And I don’t hate the suit, I hate that _he_ gave it to you.”

“You think you’ve got some competition, uh?” asked Sam as he pressed both hands to Bucky’s chest.

“Do I?” asked Bucky, taking Sam’s hands in his.

“No.”

“Good.”

Silence pervaded.

“Dude, what is this?” asked Sam. “This thing we got goin’ on here?”

“What do you want it to be?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam with a shrug. “The sex is good.”

“Just good?” asked Bucky with a crooked smile.

“Okay, it’s great,” said Sam after rolling his eyes.

“Do you wanna keep doin’ it?” asked Bucky, suddenly feeling a little nervous that Sam might say no.

“Well, yeah, if you want to.”

“Oh, I definitely wanna,” said Bucky.

“Alright, well, the next time our schedules match up, let’s do it.”

“We can do it again right now if you up for it,” said Bucky with a devilish grin, as he draped Sam’s arms over his shoulders and then wrapped his arms abut Sam’s waist. The pair swayed together as they stared into one another’s eyes.

“Tempting,” said Sam with a laugh.

“Then let me tempt you,” Bucky whispered, as he brushed his lips against Sam’s.

“You’re fuckin’ killing me, Barnes,” said Sam, softly, just before Bucky kissed him again.

When they drew apart, Sam gave him a little smile and then said, “Walk me out?”

Bucky nodded his head, returned the smile, and slipped his hand into Sam’s before answering, “Yeah.”

xXxXx

Sunday mornings were usually the same for Sam Wilson when he was not away on a mission. They consisted of a not-so-brisk run and then a breakfast date with one or more of his friends at a small, charming café not too far from his home. That morning, he was joined by his friend Natasha. They sat sipping their coffee when Sam’s phone buzzed on the table. He checked to see who the message was from before a smile lit up his face. Natasha noticed.

“Sam, who’s texting you?” she asked.

“Eh?” said Sam.

“Just now, who sent you a text?”

“No one,” he said, placing the phone in his pocket.

“Um, if it was no one, why are you smiling like that?” she queried.

“Like what?”

“Like some hot guy is texting you,” she pressed.

Sam rolled his eyes, and said, “Fine. It’s a guy.”

“Sam Wilson,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me you were talkin’ to someone?”

“A man’s gotta have his secrets, Nat.”

“Sure, but a man’s also gotta tell his best friend when there’s romance in his life,” she countered.

“I wouldn’t exactly call what we’ve been doin’ romantic, Nat.”

“What the hell? Sam, who is this guy? Where’d you even meet him?”

“At Tony’s party last weekend,” said Sam. “He came up to me, flirted a little, and the next thing I know, I’m blowin’ him in one of the empty rooms.”

“Sam!” Natasha screeched, as she slapped his arm. “You did not.”

“I did,” said Sam. “Then I went back to his place and screwed around.”

“Oh my god,” said Natasha with a wide smile. “You slut.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

“Don’t judge me.”

“Bitch, I’m not,” she said. “I’m shocked, but highly fuckin’ impressed. You never do one nighters or hook-ups.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and Natasha squinted at him before asking, “What? Did you hook up with him again?”

“Last night,” said Sam.

“Shit, Wilson,” said Natasha. “I thought you were going to Tony’s thing?”

“I did go,” said Sam. “I met up with Bucky there.”

“Bucky?” she asked. “You’re fuckin’ some guy named Bucky?”

“Damn, you don’t need to yell it out so everyone knows,” Sam chided.

“Sorry, but what kind of name is Bucky? Who is he? One of Tony’s friends or something?”

“He’s just a guy,” said Sam. “I actually know that much about him.”

“Well, let’s Google him,” she said as she opened the app on her phone. “What’s his last name?”

“Barnes.”

She typed it in and nothing pertinent showed up in the search results.

“Bucky’s gotta be a nickname, right? What’s his real name?”

“Ya know, I’m not a hundred percent sure,” said Sam. “Let me ask him.”

He pulled out his phone and sent Bucky a text.

Sam: _Hey. Sorry for the slow reply. I’m with someone at the moment._

Bucky: _All good. Who?_

Sam: _Sorry?_

Bucky: _Who are you with?_

Sam: _Oh. My friend Nat. We do breakfast on Sundays. _

Bucky: _Okay. That’s nice. I won’t keep you. I know you’ve gotta get to work soon. I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you._

Sam smiled down at his screen.

Sam: _You’re cute. _

Bucky: _Cute enough to blow off work for?_

Sam: _You’re bad. _

Bucky: _Call in sick and I’ll show you bad I am._

Sam: _Oh don’t worry. I know. Hey so can I ask you a question?_

Bucky: _The answer’s yes. _

Sam: _Lol you don’t even know what I’m gonna ask._

Bucky: _Yeah but it doesn’t matter what the question is. I could never say no to you. _

Sam: _You smooth asshole. But the question is: What’s your real name?_

Bucky: _Why? You trying to stalk me Wilson?_

Sam: _Yeah. Just a little. My friend was Googling you._

Bucky: _You won’t find anything. I’m not on social media._

Sam: _Really? _

Bucky: _Yep_.

Sam: _Well that sucks. I was trying to show her how hot you are._

Just then an image came through. It was a selfie of Bucky. He looked amazing, though tired. Sam stared at his face for a moment, only shaken from his reverie by the next message.

Bucky: _My real name’s James. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has passed. Sam and Bucky have been seeing one another pretty consistently during these weeks. Something that one of Bucky's friends says puts things in perspective for him and sets things in motion that neither Sam nor Bucky will be able to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying this, let me know. I appreciate all of the support so far!

“We have a confirmed date for N’Jadaka’s visit,” said Sam to his small team. “We’ll have a little over three months to prepare.”

“So, what happened before?” asked Clint Barton. “When we thought he was comin’?”

“Bit of a test,” Sharon offered. “Parker was monitoring the dark web chat rooms to see if anyone had put a mark on him and didn’t get any confirmation.”

“So, he feels safe enough to continue with the visit,” Sam added. “But we’ll continue to keep our eyes and ears open. Carter and I will have his itinerary when it’s finalized. I’ll travel with him, and the rest of you will be in charge of securing the locations he’s visiting. His security is our number one priority. If anything happens to him on US soil on our watch, none of us should expect to ever work for this organization again. You’ll all be assigned a location as soon I know. Until then, go about your regular business. You’re dismissed.”

Sam and Sharon watched as the team filed out of the meeting room.

“We’ll link-up with the Head of Wakandan Security soon for a debrief,” said Sharon.

Sam folded his arms over his chest and nodded his head.

“Good,” he said. “Feelin’ a little anxious about this one.”

“Really?” Sharon asked. “Why? You’ve done this before.”

“Yeah, I know,” Sam replied. “But this is huge. Never had to protect royalty before. There’s a lot riding on this.”

“We’ve got the best people working on this,” she proffered, placing a hand to Sam’s shoulder. “It’ll be fine.”

xXxXx

“Should I just travel to Wakanda to complete the job?” asked Bucky as he brought up the file of his high profile target on his computer screen.

“No,” said the voice at the other end of his burner phone. “You wouldn’t even get through customs.”

“What about a HAHO drop?” asked Bucky.

“No one knows exactly what the terrain is like there. We’d be dropping you into the Wakandan jungle without proper intel. We can’t risk it. You’re a valuable asset.”

“Gee, thanks, buddy,” said Bucky with a loud sigh.

“Come on, Buck. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah, Stevie,” Bucky replied. “So, no HAHO drops? No going through the border? I really have to wait to get it done?”

“Yeah.”

“And the customer is okay with waiting?”

“Yes, they are.”

“Good, because I’m planning on spending some of the money they paid me _real_ soon,” said Bucky with a laugh.

“Of course, you are,” said Steve with a chuckle. “What’re you getting?”

“Just clothes and shit,” said Bucky in a nonchalant manner.

“Do you really need another black suit, Buck?”

“You can never have too many black suits, Stevie,” Bucky replied. “Plus, they look good on me.”

“They sure do, pal.”

“But this one ain’t for me,” said Bucky.

“Is it for me?” Steve joked.

“Fuck off, man,” said Bucky with a dry laugh. “You get money just like I do. You can buy your own.”

“So, who’s the guy?” asked Steve.

“Someone I met not too long ago,” Bucky explained.

“And you’ve seen him more than once and with clothes on?” Steve queried.

“Yes, asshole” said Bucky.

“You datin’ this guy, Buck?”

“No, but I wanna,” Bucky admitted, as he leaned back in his chair and sighed. “He’s nice, Stevie. Real nice. I could see myself bein’ with him.”

“Right,” said Steve.

“What?” asked Bucky.

“I’m not trying to be a dick –”

“Said every asshole that ended up bein’ a dick,” Bucky interjected.

“Come on, Buck,” said Steve, feeling bad for having to remind his best friend of their situation. “You know dating anyone is complicated in our line of work. Especially when it comes to bringing nice people into our world.”

“He doesn’t know what I do,” said Bucky defensively. “I’m not that fuckin’ stupid.”

“Hey, no one said you were,” said Steve. “I’m just sayin’, maybe don’t get too attached to this nice guy. People like us don’t get the happy ending. We usually end up with a bullet in the back of our head somewhere. Nice people shouldn’t be in our lives. Nice people like this guy you’re sweet on don’t deserve to be dragged into our lives.”

“You think I don’t know that, Rogers?” said Bucky, feeling a headache coming on. “I know that. I know I can’t have him how I want him. But, Jesus, just let me have this fuckin’ moment.”

“Have your moment, but cut him loose before this job comes up, Buck,” Steve offered. “I mean it. You don’t need the distraction, and this nice guy doesn’t need to be put in harm’s way.”

“Are you fuckin’ threatening him?”

“No, no, of course not,” said Steve. “You obviously care about him. If other people in our line of work found out, then he could get hurt.”

Silence pervaded a beat. Bucky knew his friend was right. He knew what he needed to do.

“I know,” said Bucky. “I know.”

“Listen, you got a go-bag ready?” asked Steve, changing the sore subject.

“Course. You need me to be somewhere?”

“I got a job in Weimar,” said Steve. “Wanted to know if you’d back me up?”

“Sure,” said Bucky, thinking it was Steve’s way of getting him away from the man who was causing him a lot of distraction. “When?”

“Leave tonight on the red-eye.”

“How long?”

“A week or two, tops.”

“Okay,” said Bucky. “Send the details.”

With that, he ended the call and took out his personal phone. He found Sam’s number and made the call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, gorgeous,” Bucky greeted.

“Hey, you,” said Sam; Bucky could hear the smile in his voice. “What’s up?”

“I wanna see you.”

“Want to, or need to?” Sam flirted.

“Both,” said Bucky. “I just got word I need to travel for work. And I don’t wanna leave the country without seein’ you first. Meet me at my place in twenty?”

“Bucky, I’m at work –”

“Please, Sammy,” he begged; he hated sounding so needy and pathetic. “Please, just meet me there.”

“Fuck,” said Sam, conceding defeat. “Why can’t I say no to you?”

This admission caused Bucky to smile as he said, “Same reason I can’t say no to you.”

“And what’s that?” asked Sam, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

“Baby, I couldn’t even put it into words if I tried,” said Bucky. “See you soon.”

xXxXx

“You’re so good, pretty baby,” said Bucky as glanced down to where Sam was kneeling between his legs. “I’m close. So fuckin’ close.”

Bucky placed his hand to Sam’s bobbing head as Sam sucked him off in his living room. Sam gripped the bottom of his shaft as he worked his tongue over Bucky’s smooth crown. Sam hummed with pleasure and drank up the precum that seeped from the slit at the tip of Bucky’s big, hard cock.

“Fuck,” said Bucky as Sam used both his mouth and hand to coax out his orgasm.

Sam removed Bucky’s sex from between his lips a moment. He licked a stripe at the underside of his dick. Before he continued, he took a second to admire Bucky’s cock in the afternoon sunlight that crept through the window. It was thick and veiny and hard as rock. It was pretty, just like Bucky. Sam pressed kisses to the shaft before licking it once again and then taking it into his salivating mouth.

Sam relaxed and swallowed Bucky’s entire length. Taking it deep into his throat as Bucky thrust his hips and fucked Sam’s face thoroughly. Spit ran down Sam’s chin as the other man continued his movements.

“Shit, baby,” Bucky breathed, the pressure almost becoming too much. “You’re so good. So good for takin’ it all, dollface. _Fuck. Oh, fuck._”

Bucky closed his eyes as his dick began to quake and he came down Sam’s throat. He cursed some more and held Sam’s head in place as the hot, white stream gushed from his shuddering sex. After he was finished, Sam inched away slowly and dislodged Bucky’s spent cock from his mouth and wrecked gullet.

Sam wiped his lips with the back of his hand as he clambered to his feet and took up a seat next to the owner of the sofa. His throat was tender, and he was sure his vocal cords were damaged, but it was worth it to please Bucky and taste him and have him call Sam baby.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Bucky suddenly asked, as he turned his head to look at Sam.

Sam cleared his throat and managed to say, “A little but it’s okay.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and then said, “You need me to take care of that?”

He reached over and rubbed Sam’s crotch.

“If we got time,” said Sam, hoarsely.

Bucky undid the button on Sam’s jeans before saying, “I always got time for you. You’re so hard, baby. I’ll take care of you. Take these off.”

Sam stood and did as he was told. He removed his jeans, shirt, and his underwear. Bucky removed his own shirt, eyed him hungrily and then said, “Come sit in my lap.”

Sam obliged, and straddled Bucky’s thighs. Bucky placed both hands to Sam’s ass and gave it a squeeze. He smiled up at Sam and then said, “Gimme a kiss.”

Sam leaned down and captured Bucky’s mouth with his own. Bucky’s hand found Sam’s hard cock and he stroked it up and down as they shared a slow kiss for a beat. Once they broke the kiss, Bucky kept strumming as Sam draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders and held his gaze.

“Your throat a little sore?” asked Bucky, while continuing to jerk Sam off.

Sam nodded his head and Bucky gave him a soft, apologetic look before bringing his lips close to Sam’s Adam’s apple. He placed a gentle kiss there before licking it and whispering, “Sorry, baby. I’ll take care of you.”

Their lips came back together in a sensual, languid kiss. Sam moaned into Bucky’s mouth as the other man hastened his strokes. He worked his hand deftly over Sam’s erection. Each ministration urging him forward toward the apex of his pleasure. He stroked and rubbed until Sam was close.

“Come for me, Sammy,” he whispered as Sam’s breathing became more labored after a while. “Come for me, baby.”

“Hmmmm,” Sam moaned, closing his eyes.

“Look at me,” said Bucky, jerking Sam’s dick with more fervor. “I wanna see your beautiful eyes when you come.”

Sam’s mouth opened in the shape of an ‘o’ as Bucky strummed him over and over, bringing him closer to his release.

“Shit, Bucky,” said Sam, feeling that familiar stirring getting closer and closer. “Fuck.”

After a few more strokes, Sam came undone in Bucky’s hand. His seed spurted from his swollen tip and landed on Bucky’s bare chest and abs, on Bucky’s cock, and then dripped down onto Bucky’s hand. He milked him of every last drop until Sam mumbled about being too sensitive. Bucky let go of his dick but held him in place on his lap. He drew him into a hug as the waves of pleasure washed over Sam.

When the hug persisted longer than it normally would, Sam lifted his head and looked down at Bucky.

“You okay?” he asked, slightly concerned with the other man’s strange demeanor.

“Yeah, I just – I just wanted to talk to you about something before I leave tonight,” said Bucky, his mood now somber.

Steve’s words echoed in his head. Sam was a distraction: A beautiful, sweet distraction; but still enough of a distraction whereby one or both of them could get hurt. Bucky could live with how things might play out for his life. He was under no illusions about where hired guns end up: An unmarked grave somewhere was the best that Bucky deserved; he knew this. He accepted this. But Sam didn’t deserve to be put in danger because of Bucky.

And Bucky wanted more moments with him before he would have to cut ties with him, so why did he feel like their time together, in that moment, was so final? Why did he feel like everything was going to end as soon as Sam left, and Bucky boarded the plane for Europe? Calling it off right now was the best thing to do, for both of them. He stared at Sam and knit his brow. If this was going to be the last time he held him, he wanted to make it last.

A look of concern washed over Sam’s beautiful features. His dark brown eyes were filled with worry as he placed a hand to the side of Bucky’s face.

“Hey,” said Sam. “What’s wrong, Buck? You’re freakin’ me out, dude.”

Bucky took hold of Sam’s hand and pressed a gentle kiss to his palm.

“I like you so much, Sammy,” he said as he searched Sam’s eyes. “These past few weeks have been amazing.”

Sam nodded his head in agreement, but he knew this was it. Bucky was calling whatever it is they had going on. Sure, they were having fun screwing around. And Sam still hadn’t spent the entire night. And they hadn’t introduced one another to their respective friends and family, but it was something, right?

They hadn’t defined the relationship: Were they dating? They spoke every day, where possible, and met up whenever their schedules allowed it, but there was still so much they didn’t know about one another. And Sam wanted to know more; hell, he _wanted_ more. But if that’s not what Bucky wanted, then it was probably best that they call it before the other man went away for work.

“Yeah,” said Sam as he tried to climb off of Bucky; if he was ending this thing between them, Sam wasn’t going to be sitting in his lap covered in come while he did it.

Bucky gripped him tighter and held him in place, before letting out a loud sigh and saying, “Stop squirming, baby. I’m tryin’ to tell you something.”

“Just fuckin’ tell me, then, Barnes,” said Sam, nerves coursing through him.

“I – I don’t,” Bucky stammered, which was uncharacteristic for him. “While I’m gone, I don’t want you seein’ any other guys.”

“What?” asked Sam, a little taken aback.

“While I’m outta the country,” said Bucky, regaining his commanding composure. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone since this was a last-minute thing. Could be a week could be a month. But while I’m gone, I don’t want you fuckin’ around with any other guys.”

Sam let out a laugh, but noticed that Bucky did not share in his amusement.

“I’m serious,” Bucky said, still holding Sam tightly.

“I can see that,” Sam replied. “Dude, I thought you were callin’ this.”

“What? You thought I was breaking up with you?”

“Umm, people have to be dating to break up,” said Sam.

“Aren’t we dating?”

“You never said we were.”

“Neither did you,” said Bucky.

“Whatever,” said Sam with a playful roll of his eyes as he smoothed Bucky’s dishevelled hair down. “So, you don’t want me to be with anyone else while you’re gone?”

“That’s right,” said Bucky. “No other guys.”

“And what about you?”

“What about me?” asked Bucky.

“Are _you_ gonna be with any other guys while _you’re_ away?”

Bucky looked at Sam like he had just grown another head.

“I haven’t even _thought_ about anyone else since we first met, Sam,” he said so sincerely that Sam felt his heart skip a beat. “You’re all I want.”

Sam could not help but offer Bucky a sweet, endearing smile. Sam’s soft smile made Bucky feel giddy.

After stroking Bucky’s face a moment, Sam said, “Yeah, well, you’re all I want, too.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Bucky are apart for the first time in a month. They each have conversations with their friends about their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be away and realised I won't be able to post the update over the weekend, so you can have it a little earlier than planned.

“We made it exclusive,” said Sam as he and Nat warmed up for their morning run. He had talked her into joining him, and she had obliged, only because he told her he had some tea to spill.

“You and James?”

“Bucky.”

“I refuse to call a grown ass man Bucky,” said Nat with a straight enough face Sam may have just believed her.

Sam rolled his eyes, and then replied, “He prefers Bucky to James.”

“Oh, really? That’s nice to know since I don’t know anything _else_ about him,” she supplied, as she continued stretching.

“You know we’re exclusive,” said Sam as he nudged her shoulder with his, and then smiled.

Now Nat rolled her eyes before replying, “Yeah, okay. When are you gonna let him up for some air and introduce him to everyone?”

“He left for Europe last night,” said Sam. “So, I’m not sure when. Besides, I only said exclusive, I didn’t say official.”

“But is that what you want, Sammy? To be official with James?”

“Bucky.”

“Whatever, Wilson, answer the damn question.”

“I don’t know,” said Sam.

“You like him?”

“Yeah.”

“He likes you?”

“Yep.”

“Well, what’s holding you back?”

“My work,” said Sam. “_Our_ work. How’s he gonna understand what I do? He doesn’t even have _clearance _to know what I do. Every other time I’ve tried to have a relationship with someone, I’ve had to keep secrets because of the job. I don’t feel like I can do that with Bucky.”

“Really?” asked Nat, as she raised an eyebrow. Sam was no-nonsense. He did his job; he made sacrifices and prioritised work over most things. To hear him make that admission surprised his friend and fellow Agent a little.

“Yeah, I can’t explain it, Nat, he just makes me wanna open up to him,” said Sam in earnest. “And I can’t. And he isn’t stupid; he’ll know I’m hiding something. And it’ll be like every other time since I took this job. He’ll think I’m screwing around with other men or something –”

“Woah, Sam, come on,” said Nat. “You’re gettin’ ahead of yourself, buddy. Have you two even been on a date?”

“Kind of, but not really.”

“Have you stayed over at his place?”

“No.”

“Has he even been to your place?”

“No, but what’s your point?” Sam asked with a sigh.

“My point is that the two of you have a lot to learn about each other,” Nat explained. “When he gets back, have a date night at your house. Cook for him or something like that. Find out what movies he likes and what sports he follows. Get to know him better, and then see how you feel about going official. Invite him to one of Clint’s cookouts or to happy hour so we can meet him and give him the third degree. We all wanna see you happy, Sam. And if this guy makes you happy, then go for it; the rest will work itself out.”

Sam nodded his head, “Okay. I will. Maybe after the Wakandan job.”

Nat slapped Sam’s back and said, “That’s the spirit.”

xXxXx

By the time that Steve and Bucky had arrived at their destination in Weimar, they were both quite tired, though their training helped to fight off their lethargy. They each had their own rooms inside a clean somewhat homely suite at a midrange hotel. They had stayed in far better and worse places than the one they currently found themselves in. Bucky vaguely thought back to the last time they were on a job together: That was nearly two years ago.

Steve dropped his bag near the sofa, flopped down on it, and then switched on the TV that hung on the wall of the common area. He flicked the channels until he found a news network so he could watch the weather report. Bucky put his bag in his room before walking back out to join Steve.

“When are you meeting with your contact?” asked Bucky, as he went to pour himself a glass of water.

“Rendezvous in two hours,” Steve replied, glancing away from the screen a moment. “But you stay here and get some rest.”

“I slept on the plane, Stevie,” said Bucky, though he stifled a yawn.

“I need you sharp for when it counts,” said Steve. “It’s just a meet-and-greet this time; gun pick-up and find out where the target’s holed up. Nothin’ is gonna happen.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Bucky said with a sigh. “Just be sure to turn your fuckin’ GPS on.”

“I will,” said Steve, as he waved the remote to Bucky. “Here. Watch some TV or something while I’m gone. Sure they’ve got an adult channel or two.”

“Who’s payin’ the extra for it?” asked Bucky.

“Don’t get cheap on me now, Barnes,” said Steve with a chuckle.

“Screw you,” said Bucky playfully. “But I’m gonna pass. They never have what I like anyways, man. These hotels never have that good gay shit. It’s a nightmare and a travesty.”

Steve laughed and switched the TV off. He leaned back on the sofa and looked over at Bucky. He let his eyes roam up and down the other man’s form; Bucky noticed and said, “What?”

“What’s a travesty is that me and you aren’t christening this suite right now,” said Steve as he eyed Bucky some more while licking his lips.

Bucky gave him a questioning stare as he raised an eyebrow. That didn’t take long.

“Did you ask me to come all this way to fuck around?” Bucky queried.

“What?” said Steve as he ran his fingers through his blonde hair. “You don’t wanna fool around for old time’s sake? No one has ever made me come like you do, Buck. No one.”

xXxXx

The bullpen was bustling with activity as Sam walked through it and then entered his personal office. The clear glass walls allowed him to see everyone as they worked. He nodded to Parker who was sat at one of the computers; he was a hardworking kid who just wanted to show that he could hang with the big boys and girls. Sam was happy to have him on their team. Other members included Barton, Wanda Maximoff, and Nat. They were skilled and trustworthy. He knew their new job would go well with them on deck.

After having spoken to the Head of Wakandan Security, one General Okoye, Sam and Sharon were pleased to know that they were being viewed as offering an assist; that lifted some of the pressure from their team. However, the Wakandans still requested that Sam be at the Prince’s side during his visit.

It was actually quite exciting, thought Sam, as he leaned back in chair and opened the file on N’Jadaka. Usually the CIA would take point on a job like this, but the Wakandans asked for SHIELD since King T’Challa had worked with them before on a number of diplomatic missions.

Sam was not one for climbing the corporate ladder, but he’d be lying if he did not admit to himself that this was a good opportunity for him to show his skill in not only in protection, but also in political matters.

He just wondered what he was going to tell Bucky about him not being available for the two weeks that N’Jadaka would be in DC. Sam would have to stay close to the Prince. There would be news coverage. Maybe they needed a cover story to protect Sam in all of this? He would broach the subject with Sharon and Okoye when next they spoke. Right then, he was wondering if Bucky had arrived safely.

xXxXx

“I thought we talked about this last time, man? No more fuckin’ around on jobs,” said Bucky with an exhausted sigh. “No more fuckin’ around, period.”

“I miss you, though,” said Steve.

“No, you don’t,” said Bucky. “You miss the attention.”

“So what?”

“So what?” asked Bucky with a dry laugh. “I’m not here to fuck you, Stevie. I’m here to have your back.”

“You can have me on my back, Buck.”

“No.”

“No?”

“That’s right, I said no.”

“Because of that guy you’re hung up on?”

“Because I’m not here for you to pass the fuckin’ time with when you’re bored,” said Bucky. “And yeah, because of him. I’m with him, and I don’t want anyone else.”

“Wow,” said Steve as he got to his feet and grabbed his bag. “You really are a fool, Buck. You think he’s gonna stick around when he finds out what you do for a living? Look around, pal; we’re in a German hotel room waiting for someone to give us guns so we can kill someone’s father; someone’s son. You think your new _boyfriend_ is gonna be cool with that?”

Bucky’s head began to hurt as he let his friend’s words sink in. Steve approached him and placed a hand to his shoulder while staring him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry for pestering you to screw around with me,” said Steve. “Old habits die hard, and all that jazz. And it’s always been just you and me, Buck. We’re all we’ve ever had. And I really did miss you. It’s why I asked you to come.”

Bucky said nothing in reply, so Steve continued, “Look, forget I even said anything, okay? I’ll go get us some food and then go meet my contact. We good?”

Steve was probably right, thought Bucky. He couldn’t expect Sam to want anything to do with him if he found out what he did for work. That he killed people without remorse. That the only time in the past ten years that he felt anything other than anger and pain was when he was with Sam. But that didn’t negate the fact that he was a murderer and Sam was a nice guy. A good man; a hero.

After letting out another tired sigh, and with a nod of his head, Bucky said, “Yeah, we’re good.”

xXxXx

Unsure of the time difference, Sam sent a message to Bucky asking how he was doing. He had just finished work at seven o’clock, and thought he had better check-in with Bucky as he had not heard from him all day. He was pleased to get an immediate response.

Bucky: _Hey beautiful. So glad to hear from you. I’ve been busy and didn’t get the chance to reach out. I’m sorry._

Sam: _It’s okay. You got there alright?_

Bucky: _Yeah. Slept most of the way. Hotel’s fine. Me and my buddy ate and rested a minute. On the job right now. It’s close to 12:30am and we’re still in a meeting._

Sam: _Aww baby. Shouldn’t you get some more rest and call it a night? It’s been a long trip already._

Bucky: _Got one more bit of business to take care of then we can go back to the hotel. I love it when you call me baby and get all sweet with me dollface._

Sam: _I can’t help it. You make me wanna be all sweet and shit._

Bucky smiled down at his phone as the muffled sounds of the gagged man being punched and kicked by Steve interrupted his pleasant messaging with his sweet baby.

Bucky: _Goddamn it. I wish I was there with you right now Sammy. _

Steve removed the gag and then his fist connected with the bound man’s mouth.

“Tell me where he is!” said Steve in perfect German as he gripped the man’s hair and held his bloodied face up. He kicked the chair over so that the man fell to the floor. He let out a grunt and a pained moan as he fell to the cold concrete floor of the abandoned storefront.

Sam: _I know. I wish you were here too. _

“He’s not talkin’,” said Steve to Bucky. “You wanna put that phone away, stop textin’ lover-boy, and help me?”

Bucky held a finger up to signal that he needed Steve to wait a minute. He then proceeded to text Sam.

Bucky: _Baby. I gotta go. How about you keep texting and tell me everything we’d do if I was there? Okay? _

Sam: _Okay. I’m missing you._

Bucky: _I miss you even more beautiful boy xx_

“You done, Romeo?” asked Steve. “We don’t have all night. This asshole won’t talk.”

Bucky put the phone back in his pocket, took out his knife, and stepped forward.

“That’s because you’re askin’ the wrong fuckin’ questions, Stevie,” he said. “Get him up.”

Steve lifted the chair and set it upright. Bucky stood in front of him and asked fluently in German, “Are you going to tell my friend where your colleague is?”

The man lifted his gaze to Bucky, with one swollen eye and a busted mouth, before he spat blood onto Bucky’s shoe. Bucky felt the ire flare up inside of him as he clenched his jaw and stared down at the mess on his boot.

He grabbed hold of the man’s finger, and pressed his blade to it, “Tell him.”

“You think I care about losing a finger, you American fuck?” he spat, causing Bucky to lose all patience with him. It was late. He was tired. He was already regretting this trip with his friend. And his Sammy was thousands of miles away from him. Bucky sighed, let go of his hand, and then turned to Steve.

“Get his dick out,” said Bucky.

“What?” said Steve, scrunching his face up.

Bucky repeated the command in German, so their prisoner knew what they were discussing.

“Get his dick out,” said Bucky. “He doesn’t care about losing a finger? How does he feel about losing his dick?”

“You’re bluffing,” said the man. “You’ll kill me anyways.”

“Listen here you shit stain,” said Bucky. “I don’t give two fucks if you believe me or not. Tell my friend here where your colleague is, or I’ll slice your tiny little cock off and feed it to you piece-by-piece. Now tell us where the fuck he is, you fucking stupid cunt!”

xXxXx

The shower was cold; the stream of icy water cascaded down Bucky’s naked form. He shivered and his body ached, but he did not care. He washed away that man’s blood and compartmentalized the whole exchange. They had gotten the information they were looking for, but Bucky still killed him; he slit his throat without batting an eyelid. It was messy and not the most proficient way to kill someone, but that prick had got on Bucky’s nerves.

Bucky sighed when he heard a faint rapping on the bathroom door.

_Not now, Steve,_ he thought as he turned off the water and wrapped himself in his towel before stepping out of the shower.

“You alright?” Steve called out.

Bucky dried himself and then opened the door.

“Yeah, it’s all yours,” he said as he stepped around his friend.

Steve caught hold of Bucky’s bare arm and said, “You sure you’re alright? Want me to help you take off the edge?”

“I’m good,” said Bucky as he pulled his arm away. “G’night.”

…..

Bucky fell down onto the bed exhausted. He remembered to check his phone. He smiled with anticipation, knowing Sam would have left him messages telling him all of the things he wanted them to do when he returned. He opened the first message to see a selfie of Sam’s lovely face. A warmth spread through him where coldness had just been. He zoomed in on Sam’s face and his lips turned up into a dopey grin. He really was the most beautiful man Bucky had ever seen. He was so perfect up close. All big brown eyes and bright smiles. And those gorgeous, long lashes that pressed lightly against his high cheekbones when he closed his eyes. And those goddamn perfect, full lips that framed his ridiculously adorable gap-toothed grin. He was so, so stunning, and Bucky wished that he was with him in that moment. He had to tear his gaze away from the picture so he could read the rest of the messages.

Sam: _There’s so many things I want us to do when you get back. Of course I want you inside of me. In my mouth and my ass. I want you so bad that it hurts, Buck. But more than that, I want us to spend some time together. I want you to come over to my place. I want to know what movies you like watching. I want to snuggle close to you and hold your hand. I want you to spend the whole night. I want to make breakfast for you in the morning. And take showers together. And lay together on my shitty couch and flick through channels. I want to stay the whole night at your place. I want to walk around wearing your clothes. I want us to go out together in the daylight. I want you to meet my dumbass friends while they embarrass the shit out of me. I wanna hear about your trip, and your friend. I wanna know more about you. I want you to know more about me. I want to date you good and proper. And then when that’s all said and done, if we still like each other, I want to make it official. That’s what I want to do with you when you get home. _

Sam: _If you don’t want any of these things, please disregard the previous message and delete it LOL _

Sam: _But seriously. I sorta kinda fucking miss you Bucky Barnes. I hope you miss me too._

Bucky felt this overwhelming joy inside of his heart. It felt so good that it almost caused him pain. He read Sam’s message another five times, and his heart swelled more with each reading. His face actually hurt from smiling, and he felt what had to be tears welling in his cool, blue eyes. He wanted all of those things with Sam. He wanted them so badly. He wanted Sam Wilson more than he had ever wanted anyone or anything in his whole entire life.

Bucky: _I am definitely missing you. And yes dollface. I wanna do all of those things. But I only wanna do them with you. Only you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated.  
Find me on Tumblr: Siancore


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, and for reading this. I love you all.

After lacing up his running shoes, Sam made sure he stretched and warmed up before his usual morning run. The only thing that was different this day was that he was waiting for Bucky to reach out; and Bucky did. He watched the time on his phone and made sure he connected with Sam before they both had work to do. The conversation ran smoothly, like always. 

“You sure I’m not interrupting your run?” asked Bucky through the phone as he lay on the bed in his room at the hotel.  
  
“I can probably skip it this morning if it means we talk for a bit longer,” said Sam. “These time differences are a bitch. I’d rather be talkin’ to you either way.”  
  
“Good,” said Bucky with a smile. “All I wanna do is stay in this room and talk to you all day.”  
  
“Where’s your friend, what’s his name?”  
  
“Uh, Steve?”  
  
“Yeah, Steve. Where is he?”  
  
“He’s in a meeting right now,” said Bucky, meaning he was following up some leads and arranging a car so that they could track down the target.  
  
“Oh, well it’s good you’ve got some downtime,” said Sam. “What’s it like in Weimar? I’ve never been there, but always wanted to go after I read this book once called _Voluptuous Panic_.”  
  
“_Voluptuous Panic_?” Bucky repeated. “Sounds – _interesting_. Hold up, let me Google it.”  
  
He brought up the app and typed in the title, before saying, “Okay. Wow. You read this?”  
  
“Yeah, why, you judging me, Barnes?”  
  
“No, not at all,” said Bucky, surprised by his sweet Sam’s reading habits. “It’s just kinda —“  
  


“Camp?”  
  
“I was gonna say _sleazy_,” said Bucky with a laugh.  
  
“Yeah, it’s that, too,” said Sam with equal jollity. “But that’s all I know about Weimar.”  
  
“You want me to bring you here?” asked Bucky in earnest. “Just say it and I’ll fly you here.”  
  
“What? Nah, man. I couldn’t.”  
  
“Sure you could,” said Bucky, seriously entertaining the idea of putting Sam on the next flight out of DC, and ditching Steve so they could tour the city Sam was interested in. “And I don’t mind treating you.”  
  
“Bucky.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You don’t have to treat me,” said Sam with a little laugh, but the line went silent. “I couldn’t accept anything like that. It’s too much.”  
  


More silence.

  
“Buck? You there?”  
  
“Yeah,” he replied flatly.  
  
“What’s wrong?” asked Sam, noticing the change in his tone.  
  
“I wasn’t offering as an extravagant gift or anything like that,” he said, sounding annoyed. “I offered because I wanna see you.”  
  
“I wanna see you, too,” said Sam. “But flying me to Germany? It’s too much.”  
  
“I can afford it.”  
  
“I know you can,” said Sam. “But I could never ask that much from you.”

The line went quiet again while Bucky was letting his mind get the better of him. When he spoke again, Sam could hear the exasperation in his voice.  
  
“Did you ever accept any offers like this from Tony Stark?”  
  
“Buck, come on,” said Sam. “What does Tony have to do with this?”  
  
“Just tell me,” said Bucky. “Did Stark ever offer to pay for things for you?”  
  
“You know he did, Buck,” said Sam. “It’s how you and I fuckin’ met. Come on, dude.”  
  
“So what’s the fuckin’ difference with me offering to pay for shit or to buy you shit? What, my money isn’t good enough?”  
  
“Barnes, relax,” said Sam, wondering how the phone call ended up in a disagreement.

  
“Don’t tell me to relax, Sam,” said Bucky, his voice laced with bitterness. “Just answer the question: What’s the difference between my money and Stark’s money?”  
  
Sam stayed silent. He could not believe this was an issue for Bucky. He did not speak and the silence seemed to be too much. Bucky realized he was being irrational; he was just so enamored with Sam that he couldn’t think or see straight. He was not being fair, and he knew that.  
  
“Sam?”  
  
“What?” he snapped.  
  
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”  
  
“Just ask the question you really wanna ask, man,” said Sam as he felt a headache setting in.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Ask me about Tony and me,” said Sam. “Stop pretending it’s about money and ask the damn question.”  
  
“Fine,” said Bucky, clenching his jaw. “What’s the deal with the two of you? Was he supporting you? Why was he buyin’ you shit and givin’ you tickets to his events and shit? What was in it for you?”  
  
Sam laughed and it annoyed Bucky more than it should have.  
  
“You think I was fuckin’ him for money and a new iPhone like some twenty-year-old sugar baby twink with bad credit?” asked Sam incredulously; Bucky made no reply, realizing how silly it sounded.  
  
“Well, were you together?” asked Bucky, hating that he sounded so pathetic in that moment, like his voice was cracking.  
  
“No,” Sam said evenly. “We met through my work. He asked me out, and we went on maybe three dates.”  
  
“Did you fuck him?”  
  
“No,” Sam answered honestly. “He wanted to, but I didn’t because I fuck who I wanna fuck, when I wanna fuck ‘em. And the only person I want is you, Barnes, you dumbass.”

Bucky let out a little chuckle. He felt better knowing that nothing happened between Sam and Stark. He really didn’t think he could handle it, and that in itself was not the musings of a rational man. Maybe he was jet lagged. Maybe he was just jealous. Whatever it was, he needed to stop.

“Are you really feeling insecure?” asked Sam, wanting to address the whole thing.

“No,” said Bucky as he ran his hand over his short-cropped hair. “I just don’t like the thought of other men wanting you, to be honest. It’s not that I’m insecure or that I don’t trust you, I just don’t like anyone else wanting you. Can’t help it. Caveman part of my brain.”

“Okay,” said Sam, placing emphasis on the second syllable of the word. “Thanks for being honest with me.”

An awkwardness passed between them, before Bucky kept talking.

“Has Stark spoken to you since the night at the gala?” he asked, wanting to drop the subject, but needing to know if he had to pay a little visit to the older man.

“Yeah, I mean, he called to apologize or whatever,” Sam explained. 

“And that’s all he wanted?”

“Jesus, Barnes, really?”

“I can’t help it,” said Bucky. “I need to know.”

“He tried to get me to go to dinner, as a way to make it up to me, but I said no.”

“Good.”

“Would you have kicked his ass if I didn’t ask you not to?” asked Sam, genuinely curious.

“Baby, I would’ve slapped the shit outta him as soon as you walked your fine ass outta the room,” said Bucky, and Sam couldn’t tell if he was serious or not. There was definitely something dangerous about Bucky that Sam just could not put his finger on. 

“Is dating you gonna be drama-filled?” asked Sam in a joking way as he tried to lighten the mood, but also half serious, because he really needed to know.

“No, Sam,” said Bucky. “I don’t look for drama or trouble. I keep to myself. That night, I just didn’t like how Stark was acting with you. We were there together, he could see that; he was tryin’ to come between us.”

“You’re right,” said Sam. “He should’ve just sat there and ate his food.”

Bucky laughed, not really getting the reference, “Yeah, exactly. Started off great; ended up shitty. It was a weird night.”

“It was,” Sam agreed, then suddenly remembering what he had heard. “Oh, shit. I forgot to tell you.”

“What?” 

“That night, after I left, apparently some dude dropped dead at the function.”

“Really?” asked Bucky, trying to sound surprised, knowing it was his target.

“For real. He had a heart attack in the goddamn bathroom,” Sam explained. 

“Shit.”

“Yeah, just made a huge donation, went out for a cigarette, went back inside, and then boom! Dropped dead on the bathroom floor,” said Sam, shaking his head even though Bucky could not see the gesture. “It’s like you just never know when your number’s up.”

“Exactly,” said Bucky. “You just never know what’s around the corner. Nothing’s promised.”

“So true,” Sam replied. “You be careful over there in that sleazy town.”

Bucky smiled at the concern in Sam’s words.

“I’m not gonna drop dead from a heart attack,” said Bucky with a dry laugh.

“I know, but it’s like you said: You never know what’s around the corner,” said Sam.

“You worried about me, dollface?” Bucky teased.

“Maybe I am,” said Sam. “What you gonna do about it?”

Bucky smiled once more and then said, “I’m gonna get my ass back home and set your mind at ease.”

“God, you’re a smooth sonofabitch,” said Sam with a laugh. “Where’d you even come from?”

“I’ll tell you when I get back.”

“Mmm, so mysterious,” Sam teased. 

“Where’d _you_ even come from?” asked Bucky. “You hatched from an egg or something?”

“What?” said Sam with a grin. Bucky made him feel so good. 

“I’ve just never met anyone like you, Sammy,” he replied, getting serious. “Fuck being mysterious, you’re an open book and I wanna know more about you. I can’t explain it. I’m just so drawn to you. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You feel it, too?”

“Yes,” Sam admitted. “I feel it.”

“And you want me like I want you?”

“Of course.”

“Good,” said Bucky. “Because I just might die if I came to find out that you didn’t want me back.”

“So dramatic,” Sam laughed.

“Maybe,” Bucky supplied. “But it’s true.”

“Well, don’t die on me or anything like that,” said Sam jokingly. “Because I want you back.”

  
  


xXXXx

“What’re you doing right now?” asked Sam as he reclined on his couch with his dick out and his hand jerking it, having completely forgotten about his run. He and Bucky had been speaking for almost forty minutes. Their flirting changed the mood from their earlier spat that had them worked up; now, they were worked up in another way.

“Hmm,” said Bucky as he slipped his hand up and down his shaft. “Still touching myself and thinking of you.”

“That’s so hot, Buck. What’re you thinking about?”

“I’m thinkin’ about how much I miss you. How I wish you were here with me. Fuck, Sammy. You do things to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, baby,” said Bucky, continuing his strokes. “I’m thinking about how good we are together. How we fit together so fuckin’ well, sweetheart. I want you so, so bad. I wish I hadda stayed home and never have left you. Shouldn’t have even left. Much rather be with you.”

“Shit, Buck, you mean all o’ that?” asked Sam as he cupped the tip of his engorged cock in his hand, before working back down his thick shaft.

“Yeah, of course I do,” said Bucky, as he pumped his dick with more fervor. “I need you, beautiful boy.”

“God, you make me feel so good,” Sam admitted, feeling so safe yet vulnerable with Bucky, even when there were thousands of miles between them. “What are you doing now?”

“Jerkin’ this dick,” said Bucky, his voice was husky. “You get me so hot, baby boy. Shit. I wish we were in the same room instead of on the phone.”

“Hmm, what would we be doing if we were together?” asked Sam, wanting Bucky to say what he was thinking.

“I’d be fucking you so good, dollface.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah,” Bucky replied. “I’d give it to you just how you like it. Hard and fast. Shit, Sammy. You get me so fuckin’ hard. No one has ever made me this hard. You’re something else, my sweet boy. What are you doin’? You’d still better be touching yourself, too.”

“I am,” said Sam, as he strummed his cock. “I’m stroking this dick and wishing it was you. Shit.”

“Oh, god,” said Bucky as he rubbed himself more eagerly while picturing Sam. “Baby, you — you’re so fucking lovely. I just — _shit_.”

“You close?” asked Sam.

“Fuck yes,” said Bucky. “Are you?”

“Yes,” Sam breathed.

“Keep talkin’ to me, baby.”

“I fucking miss you,” said Sam as he strummed his impossibly hard cock; precum dripping from his tip. “I’m – _oh_, _shit_. I’m gonna come.”

“Fuckin’ come for me, sweetheart.”

Sam jerked his length harder and faster. He pictured Bucky’s lovely face. “Shit. _Oh_, shit.”

“Come for me, baby.”

Sam thumbed his slit before stroking himself with more fervor. His aching cock shuddered as his hot, white come spurted out in a messy, thick stream.

“_Fuck_,” said Sam as his body found its release.

Bucky came hard at the same time as Sam did, cursing loudly as his semen gushed from his trembling crown. 

“Sammy,” he breathed. “_Shit_, Sammy.”

Come dripped on Bucky’s hand as he milked his big, thick cock and imagined it was Sam’s tight little ass grasping him. He used his phone to take a snapshot of his spent dick. He sent it through to Sam who was busy coating his quivering dick with his own sticky, hot seed.

“Damn,” said Sam as he eyed the picture. “I wish I could clean all o’ that up for you. Miss how you taste.”

“Shit,” Bucky breathed heavily. “Shit, baby. I miss coming in your mouth.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yes, dollface. You take it so good.”

Sam used his index finger to swipe up a good amount of his come, he brought the stickiness to his mouth and licked it, so that it coated his pink tongue. He took a selfie, staring straight into the camera, and then sent it to Bucky.

“Fuck me,” Bucky cursed when he saw the image of Sam with his own come in his mouth. “You’re so hot, Sammy. I’m gonna fuck you so hard when I get home, baby.”

“Stop talkin’ a big game, then Barnes,” said Sam, still fighting to steady his breathing. “And get your narrow ass back here. I can’t keep fuckin’ myself.”

xXxXx

Though the area was dimly lit, Bucky’s trained eye could clearly see Steve’s target as the stranger sat in the front passenger’s side of the darkly shaded town car. Bucky squinted into the sights on the sniper rifle and then spoke into the secure comms channel to Steve.

“We could take him right now,” said Bucky, wanting the job to be completed so he could get back to Sam.

“There’re other people around,” said Steve. “We can’t risk having witnesses. We wait until they leave.”

“And what if they don’t?” asked Bucky, growing increasingly annoyed.

“Then we tail them and wait for him to be on his own again,” said Steve.

“How much intel do you have on this prick?” asked Bucky.

“Enough.”

“Oh, really?” Bucky queried. “We had to fuck that other guy up to even find out where he was hiding, and now we’ve got a clear shot and you don’t wanna take it?”

“There’s too many people around, Buck,” said Steve.

“I count two in the other car,” said Bucky. “There’s four of them all up. Let me take ‘em.”

“We don’t know who they are,” said Steve. “We already had to get rid of one body that we weren’t paid for because the guy pissed you off. You’re being irrational, Barnes. Snap out of it.”

“Snap out of it?” Bucky repeated. “Since when do you care about collateral damage?”

“Since you obviously don’t,” Steve replied.

“You’re right,” said Bucky. “I don’t care about them. None of them. I’m not even supposed to be here, yet here I am, and you won’t fuckin’ let me do my job.”

“Oh, so you got somewhere better to be?” asked Steve.

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “I could be home right now gettin’ my soul sucked out of my dick by the hottest guy on the planet, but I’m stuck here in this fuckin’, what is this car? A fuckin’ Prius?”

“Hey, it’s all they had.”

“Whatever,” said Bucky. “My point is, I could be home spoilin’ my gorgeous guy, but I’m here in the shitty Prius.”

“You’re a dick,” said Steve.

“Yeah, well, you know what they say: Takes one to know one and all that shit,” said Bucky. They weren’t really angry with one another, just annoyed with the situation.

A silence descended as Bucky checked the sights of rifle once more. The target and his driver exited their vehicle, as did the other people.

“They’re all outta the cars,” said Bucky. “I could pop ‘em one-by-one.”

“No,” said Steve. “We stick to the plan.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but did nothing as he said, “Copy that.”

Just then, they both heard the familiar sound of a hammer cocking on a gun as Bucky felt the cool steel of a pistol being pressed to his temple a brief moment.

“Take your finger off the trigger,” said a woman’s voice in German. “Before I put a bullet in your brain.”

“My friend’s watching, and he won’t like that very much,” said Bucky, as he froze in place. “You won’t walk away from here alive.”

“Neither will you,” she said.

“Thing is,” said Bucky evenly, calmly. “I don’t care.”

But he did care. He cared a whole lot, because all he could think about in that moment was Sam and the possibility of never seeing him again. Fear took hold of Bucky; fear gripped his chest and made it hard for him to breathe. Not a fear of dying, but a fear of never holding Sam again; never touching Sam again. Fear of a future with the two of them together that would never come to pass. Just then, the sound of a pistol being discharged rang out through the crisp night air and pierced the uneasy, eerie serenity.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picking up right where we left off. Let me know how you like it. You can find me on Tumblr: Siancore. Come and talk about Sambucky with me.

“Shit!” the woman cried as her eyes darted to where the gunshot had come from.

Bucky’s eyes went in the same direction as he saw a quick flash accompanied by the unmistakable sound of a gunshot. The woman took off running toward their target’s vehicle as Bucky jumped out of the car.

“What’s goin’ on over there?”

“These pricks opened fire on one another,” Bucky explained. “I’m not sittin’ here with my dick in my hand; I’m takin’ ‘em out.”

“Copy that,” said Steve. “I’m on my way.”

Bucky got back into the car, rested his rifle on the door, and tried his best to line up the moving targets. He shot the woman in the back first. She dropped to the ground and did not get back up. Next, he lined up the people whom their initial target was meeting with; both were shooting at the other two with handguns as they took cover behind their vehicle. Bucky closed one eye and pulled the trigger again. His bullet pierced the gunman’s skull and he fell to the ground. The second gunman continued to fire, as the target’s driver returned fire. Bucky shot the second gunman through the temple and he died instantly. Realizing what had happened, the target and his driver moved cautiously from behind the car. Bucky shot the driver, and then finally put a bullet in the target’s head.

When Steve arrived on the scene from his vantage point not too far away, Bucky handed him the rifle so that he could dismantle it and place it in the carry bag. While Steve was busy with that task, Bucky pulled his mask over his face, took out his Ruger LC9s from its concealed holster and trudged over to the scene of the carnage.

He saw that the woman was still alive and writhing on the ground as he neared her. He shot her in the chest and then in the head before continuing on his way. He checked the target and driver; both were dead. He then moved onto the gunmen and had to shoot one of them in the head again, before sending a bullet through his heart.

“Target neutralized,” said Bucky into the comms. “Let’s go.”

xXxXx

Two days had passed since Bucky had told Sam his work in Germany was done and he would be coming home. While Sam was excited and happy, he was disappointed because he had to travel to Virginia for his own work. He told Bucky he was going with a friend to get some of her stuff from an ex-boyfriend and would be back in a couple of days. Bucky asked if he wanted him to tag along; Sam said it would be alright. A couple of days had already gone by.

The real reason for the trip was that Sam and Nat were tasked with assisting local law enforcement take down a domestic terrorist group of White nationalists who were stockpiling weapons. They were ready to storm the group’s compound just after three-thirty in the morning. SWAT cut electricity while members of the strike team, Sam and Nat included, waited for further instructions.

“Stay frosty in there,” said Sam, as he fist-bumped Nat.

“See you when I’m lookin’ at you,” she replied.

They had done it a hundred times, and each time was the same; get in, neutralize threats, get out. When they were given the signal, they stormed the compound. Battering rams knocked the doors open and the strike team went in. Their night vision goggles assisted them in seeing where they were going amidst the chaos of stun grenades and shouting.

When gunshots rang out, Sam and Nat took care to stay close to the walls and cover one another as they proceeded down the dark, narrow corridor. A disoriented man came hurtling toward them from out of a door to their left; Nat shot his right shoulder before knocking him to the ground and cuffing him. A SWAT member dragged him to his feet and led him outside. Sam cleared the room while Nat watched his back, then they advanced until they reached a larger common area. Other members of the strike team were already there apprehending hostiles.

Sam and Nat were tasked with clearing the other corridors and smaller rooms. They split up to cover more ground quickly. Sam went to the west, and Nat the east. With his sidearm raised, Sam stepped into a darkened chamber and did a quick sweep. Before he knew what was happening, he was struck with the butt of a rifle; it connected with his forehead, just above his left eye. His goggles were knocked from his face as he staggered backward and crashed into the wall. Immediately, his attacker was on top of him. The other man tried to lift the rifle to aim it at Sam, but Sam had recovered quickly. He had brought both arms up, locking the other man’s right arm between them, and then applied enough force to snap the bone in half.

His attacker let out a pained scream and then dropped to his knees. Sam proceeded to pistol whip him, before kicking him square in the chest and knocking him over.

“You okay, Wilson?” asked Nat through their comms.

“Yeah,” said Sam as he pressed his hand to the gash above his eyebrow. “Just peachy.”

xXxXx

After debriefing and delivering a mission report, it was three days that had passed for Sam on account of work. Three days that Bucky was home from work and still hadn’t seen Sam. As soon as Sam retrieved his phone from his work locker, he saw that the device was inundated with messages and missed calls from Bucky. Sam felt bad, but he did say he wouldn’t be answering his phone for a day or two. Sam didn’t read the messages, but instead returned the call. Bucky answered immediately.

“Sam?”

“Hey.”

“Sam, what the fuck? Where are you? Is everything okay?”

“Sorry,” Sam replied. “I just got back. I’m fine. You good?”

“No, not really,” said Bucky. “I thought something happened to you, goddamn it. I was worried sick.”

“Dude, I’m okay. I’m sorry I didn’t check in with you. I left my phone at work.”

Bucky let out a loud sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose before saying, “Okay. Where are you?”

“I’m just on my way home,” said Sam.

“I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, okay,” said Sam. “See you then.”

…..

Sam rushed home, tossed his go-bag into the bottom of his closet, and changed into something comfortable: Sweats and a t-shirt. He checked the house to make sure that there was nothing lying around that would give away what he really did for work. He didn’t like being so secretive with Bucky, especially when they were tyring to get to know one another better, but his work depended on him being covert.

After tidying up a little, Sam checked his appearance out in the bathroom mirror. He pressed a finger to where the Steri-strips was fixed to his small gash. It still stung and was a little swollen and discolored. Sam knew Bucky was going to ask what happened, and he had a story already worked out in his mind.

There was a swift rapping on Sam’s door. He checked the time on his phone and saw that it was almost six-thirty. When he opened the door, he was so very pleased to see Bucky standing there. They both shared bright beams and moved to hug when Bucky noticed the wound. He placed his hands to Sam’s upper arms, narrowed his eyes, and knit his brow.

“What the hell is that?” asked Bucky, as he leaned in to get better look. “Sam? What the fuck?”

He reached a tentative hand up to Sam’s brow, making sure he did not touch the wound, but gently patting his skin.

“It’s nothin’,” said Sam, as he grabbed the hem of Bucky’s t-shirt and dragged him inside. “Come on.”

Bucky closed the door behind himself as Sam took his hand and led him into the living room.

“Sammy,” said Bucky as he stopped and pulled Sam back to him. “Your eye; what happened?”

He wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist and examined the injury. Sam let out a sigh as he remembered his cover story.

“Really, it’s nothin’ to worry about,” said Sam. “But you know how me and my friend Nat went to Virginia to get her stuff from her ex?”

“Yeah, I remember,” said Bucky. “I specifically asked if you needed me to come.”

“I know,” said Sam. “And I appreciate it.”

“Sam.”

“Okay, okay; let me explain. So, we get there and go to her ex’s place, and the dude is a big ass Shrek-lookin’ bitch,” said Sam as he draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders. “Nat asks for her stuff. He makes a scene. Cusses us out, so I had to do something, right?”

Bucky nodded his head with concern etched across his face.

“So, I told him to calm his ass down, some words were exchanged, and the asshole popped me a good one, right over my goddamn eye.”

“Motherfucker!” said Bucky, his concern giving away to anger. “Who is he? I’ll go down there tonight and fuck him up.”

Sam let out a little, slightly nervous laugh and said, “Dude, it’s okay.”

Bucky shook his head and let his arms fall away from Sam. He stepped back and started pacing.

“Fuck no, it’s not okay,” said Bucky, before stepping back to Sam as he reached over to cup his face. “He put his hands on you. I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him. He’s a dead man.”

Sam saw the anger inside of Bucky’s cold, blue eyes. The intensity was a little frightening. He had never seen Bucky that livid before. He could feel the rage radiating from him.

“Hey, Buck,” said Sam, as he tentatively pressed a hand to Bucky’s chest. “It’s okay, really. Don’t get upset.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes before staring straight into the warm brown of Sam’s and saying in a low, ire-filled tone, “Someone put their filthy fuckin’ hands on you, Sammy.”

“And I’m fine,” Sam said, in an effort to calm him down. He cupped Bucky’s face and then pressed a sweet kiss to his lips. “I’m fine, baby. I missed you.”

He brought his lips back to Bucky’s once more, this time deepening the kiss.

“I missed you so much,” said Sam when they pulled apart slightly.

Bucky’s hands found Sam’s ass as he gripped him tightly and drew him closer. Their lips and tongues came together almost frantically before they broke the kiss and stood there breathlessly. Bucky looked at the wound once more, before placing a gentle kiss to Sam’s forehead and leading him to the sofa.

…..

Sam straddled Bucky’s lap as they shared a slow, languid kiss. They were not usually that gentle, that unhurried. They melted into one another; Bucky breathed Sam in. He held him so close, and his hands trailed all over Sam’s form. Sam enjoyed the feeling of being held by Bucky; he relished in the immediacy and tenderness of their embrace. While it was soft, Sam could feel how hard Bucky was. They drew apart and Sam smiled down at him.

“This is nice,” said Sam, still sitting atop Bucky on the sofa.

Bucky ran his thumb over Sam’s bottom lip and said, “It really is.”

“But—”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and replied, “But, what?”

“But I thought you promised to fuck me so hard when you got back?”

“I said that, eh?” said Bucky with a crooked smile.

“You did.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s Adam’s apple and then said, “We’ve got all night, dollface.”

Sam rolled his hips against Bucky’s arousal and then replied, “You feel like you’re ready to go now.”

“I’m always ready for you, baby,” said Bucky as he lapped at Sam’s neck. “I just don’t wanna go so rough with you when you’re hurt.”

“Seriously, Barnes?” Sam asked. “It’s just a little gash.”

Bucky lifted his head and stared into Sam’s eyes.

“Still, someone hurt you and I wanna take care of you,” said Bucky with such tenderness that it caused Sam’s heart to skip a beat.

Sam smiled widely at him before kissing him again.

“Really, I’m okay,” said Sam with a warm grin before he brushed his hand against Bucky’s arousal. “And I want this.”

Bucky leaned back and took in Sam’s appearance. He trailed his hands up and down Sam’s body before bringing his lips to Sam’s. He then reached down into his pants and took his hard cock out. He stroked it a few times before looking at Sam and saying, “Well, baby, do whatever you want with it.”

Sam swallowed hard and then licked his lips before climbing off of Bucky and standing up. He took hold of Bucky’s hands and drew him to his feet.

“Come on, then,” said Sam with a devilish grin. He led Bucky into his bedroom. They held one another and shared a messy, desperate kiss. Sam pushed Bucky onto his bed, and then proceeded to strip his clothing off; Bucky did the same. He was naked in no time; his dick twitched as he observed Sam while he disrobed. Bucky laid back and watched as Sam climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips. Sam took hold of Bucky’s thick, hard cock and ran his hand up and down. Sam leaned down and caught his lips in a heated kiss. After a moment, Sam reached over to his bedside table and found his lube in the bottom drawer. He undid the cap, and then squeezed a substantial amount into his palm before coating his lover’s rigid dick. Bucky closed his eyes briefly and relished in the feeling of Sam’s hand on his aching sex. He watched his lover keenly. Sam slicked Bucky’s swollen dick and then inched his eager ass down the entire length.

“Fuck, baby,” said Bucky, as Sam took him deep inside. “You feel so good, Sammy.”

Sam sat back and took all of Bucky into his gaping hole. He exhaled as he was filled by his lover’s hardness.

“Shit,” said Sam, as he began to roll his hips. He slid his ass up and down Bucky’s unbearably hard cock. “Fuck. _Fuck._”

Bucky took hold of Sam’s hands. He held them tightly as Sam started to ride him; Sam’s cock dripped as he brushed against Bucky’s abs.

“Goddamn it, Sammy,” said Bucky as he watched Sam rocking on top of him. “You’re so beautiful. Ride me, baby. Fuckin’ ride me.”

Sam did as he was told and rolled his hips up and down, back and forth. He took Bucky’s dick inside of his hole with urgency. Stretched his ass wide open. Leaned into his pleasure as he trailed his own length across Bucky’s skin.

“Take what you need, baby,” Bucky urged. “Take all of me.”

“Fuck,” said Sam as he slipped up and down Bucky’s shaft.

Bucky took hold of Sam’s cock and began to strum it in time with Sam’s movements. He worked his rough palm up and down as his Sammy bounced eagerly on his stiff prick.

“Fuck me, Sammy,” said Bucky hoarsely. “You’re so tight, sweetheart. I love how you take it. Come for me.”

Sam’s eyes closed as he threw his head back and rode Bucky keenly. He then leaned forward, dipped down and smiled against the other man’s lips. They shared another kiss as Bucky thrust his stiffness up into Sam’s open hole. Sam sat back and enjoyed the sensation.

“Shit,” said Bucky, stroking Sam’s engorged dick with more fervor while thrusting up into him. “Come for me, baby. Come for me.”

Sam clenched his ass around Bucky’s thick, dripping cock. He rolled his hips as he found his release. He came in Bucky’s hand at the same time that Bucky reached his climax and came inside of Sam’s ass.

“Fuck,” Bucky breathed. “_Oh, fuck.”_

Sam’s come splashed against Bucky’s abs and chest as he was filled with his lover’s white, hot semen. They kissed each other’s lips once more as they collapsed in a heap. Bucky held Sam close as they rode the waves of pleasure.

“I missed you so fuckin’ much,” said Bucky as he held Sam’s body against his. The stickiness of Sam’s come covering their hot, sweat-drenched skin.

“I missed you, too,” Sam replied as he melted into Bucky.

Their lips came together once more as they relished in the feeling of complete and utter contentment. Bucky remained rooted inside of his Sammy as the last spurts of his seed filled Sam’s well-fucked hole. As they caught their breath, Bucky withdrew his spent cock from Sam’s ass and rolled Sam onto his back. They held each other while Bucky peppered tender kisses to Sam’s warm flesh and vaguely mused how happy he was in that moment.

xXxXx

The washcloth felt good against Bucky’s skin as Sam cleaned him up; the soapy aroma wafting through the dimly lit space. He tossed it aside and then laid down beside Bucky. The soft glow of the lamp caressed their sated, naked forms as Bucky drew Sam close to his body. He ran his hand up and down Sam’s back as he stared into his deep, brown eyes. Sam offered him a smile as Bucky trailed his fingers close to Sam’s wound. Bucky rubbed his thumb near the injury as they intertwined their sweat-covered limbs.

“I hate that some asshole hurt you,” Bucky proffered as he caressed Sam’s face.

“It ain’t that big a deal,” Sam supplied in response.

“Still,” said Bucky as he brushed his hand over Sam’s head. “I don’t want to ever see you hurt, dollface. I wish I was there to protect you.”

Sam smiled warmly at him and ran his hand up and down Bucky’s arm.

“God, you’re so good to me,” Sam all but whispered.

“You deserve all o’ the good things,” said Bucky sincerely while ghosting his fingers over Sam’s back. “I’d kill anyone who hurt you.”

“Jesus, Buck,” said Sam with a grin, not knowing the gravity of his lover’s words. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do fuckin’ mean it,” Bucky replied in earnest. “I’d do that for you. I’d do anything for you. I’d kill for you.”

Sam caressed his face and then placed a chaste kiss to his mouth.

“I’m okay, Buck,” Sam said. “You don’t have to go to that extreme for me.”

“I would,” said Bucky, as he shifted closer to Sam. “You don’t get it; there’s _nothing_ I wouldn’t do for you. I – I _care_ about you too much.”

They held one another’s gaze for a beat. Sam saw the intensity in Bucky’s eyes; Bucky saw the goodness in Sam’s. They shared a smile before Sam spoke.

“I care about you, too,” said Sam sincerely. “Do you think we could, ya know, put a name to this?”

“You mean define this relationship?”

“Yeah,” said Sam, as his heart began to race. “I’m not lookin’ to be with anyone else. I only want you.”

A silence passed between them before Bucky beamed brightly. 

“I only want you, too, Sammy,” he replied.

Sam returned the grin and then said, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “You’re mine, and I’m yours.”

They inched closer and shared a slow, soft kiss. Bucky stroked Sam’s face and breathed in his scent before saying, “You’re the best, most beautiful thing in my life, sweet baby. I want you and only you.”

“I want you, too,” said Sam as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Bucky’s. “So, what’s next for us?”

“Well,” said Bucky with a grin. “Next, I fuck you good and hard. Maybe we sleep a little. And then we lay here and waste the day away tomorrow with one another.”

Sam smiled warmly as he cupped Bucky’s face and said, “That sounds perfect.”

“Yeah,” Bucky replied happily for the first time in a long time. “It does.”

xXxXx

The buzzing of the phone atop the side table drew Bucky from his slumber. He groaned, ignored it, and wrapped his arm tighter around Sam’s waist. The buzzing stopped, and then started again. He let out a sigh, rolled over and picked up the device. He saw Steve’s name flash on his screen; Steve rarely called his personal phone. Bucky sat and then climbed out of Sam’s bed.

“Hey?” he whispered, as he found his pants and pulled them on.

“Buck, why the hell aren’t you answering your burner?” asked Steve.

“Hold up a sec,” said Bucky in hushed tones as he crept toward Sam’s bedroom door. He slipped out of the room and made his way to the kitchen. “You there?”

“Yeah, man,” Steve replied. “Are you?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” asked Bucky. “Why’re you calling me at seven in the morning?”

“I can’t tell you over this line,” said Steve. “Can we meet up?”

“When?”

“Half hour?”

“I’m kinda in the middle of something,” said Bucky.

“You with Lover Boy, eh?”

“Mind your business,” said Bucky. “I just got other plans.”

“This is important, Buck,” said Steve earnestly. “It’s about our recent trip.”

“Did something go wrong?”

“Maybe,” said Steve. “Maybe not. Just meet me at the usual spot in thirty.”

“Make it an hour,” said Bucky.

“Fine, but make sure you get here.”

“I’ll be there,” said Bucky before ending the call and putting his phone into his pocket.

“Everything okay?” asked Sam, causing Bucky to turn around with a start.

Bucky gave him a sweet smile and sauntered over to him. He placed both hands to Sam’s upper arms before kissing his forehead.

“Yeah, all good,” he offered as he wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist and peppered kisses to his neck and collarbone.

“You goin’ somewhere?” Sam asked.

“I don’t wanna go,” said Bucky. “But I gotta meet my work buddy for a quick coffee meeting.”

“When?”

“An hour.”

“Well, let’s take a shower together and then I’ll come with you,” said Sam with a smile. “After you meet with your friend, we can get breakfast while we’re there. It’ll be nice.”

Bucky hesitated a moment, and Sam noticed. His smile faltered.

“Or not,” said Sam as he tried to get out of Bucky’s embrace. Bucky held him tighter. “If you don’t want me to come –”

“Hey,” he said. “Don’t be like that, Sammy. It’s just a boring ass meeting with my friend.”

“It’s cool,” said Sam, averting his gaze. “Don’t worry about it. Forget I even mentioned it. I just thought – y’know what? Never mind. Can you let me go, please?”

“Sam, come on.”

Sam pulled away from Bucky and backed up.

“It’s fine,” said Sam, clearly annoyed. “I get it. You got work to do.”

“Don’t be upset with me, dollface” Bucky pleaded. “I’m sorry. I know we were supposed to spend the day in bed –”

“Barnes, it’s _fine_,” said Sam. “If you don’t want me to meet your buddy, just say so, please. I’ll just wait here and you can come back to me when you want to get your dick wet –”

“What?” said Bucky, as he narrowed his eyes. “What’re you even talkin’ about, Sam?”

“Your friend,” said Sam. “If you don’t want him to know about me, just say so. Don’t pretend that your coffee meeting is gonna bore me to death. I’m a grown ass man, just tell me.”

“For someone so smart, you sure do say dumb shit sometimes,” said Bucky.

“Don’t call me dumb, Barnes.”

“I’m sorry,” said Bucky as he let out a sigh. “But you got it all wrong, Sammy. You think I don’t want my friend to know about you? Why? Why would I even do that?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam, feeling a little sheepish for jumping the gun. “This is still so new, dude. I thought we made it official last night.”

“We did,” said Bucky, as he inched closer to Sam. “I’m your man and you’re mine. I want everyone to know it. I want to take you out for breakfast. I want to be with you. I just thought you’d find what I do for a living boring as shit.”

“How could I?” asked Sam. “You’re the most interesting person I’ve met in a long time.”

Bucky stepped forward and took hold of Sam’s hands and said, “Likewise. You know what? Fuck it. Let’s take that shower and go get breakfast so you can meet my friend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “Let’s do it. I had plans with you first, Stevie’s just gonna have to deal with it.”

…..

The small coffee shop and eatery was sparsely occupied by a few regular customers when Bucky led Sam in by the hand. Bucky spotted Steve sitting near the window and gave him a nod. Steve shot him a questioning look, to which he responded with a shrug.

Bucky stepped behind Sam and held him; he then retrieved his wallet. He took out his card and slipped it into Sam’s hand before saying, “Order whatever you like. I’m just gonna go over to Steve’s table.”

Sam glanced around and Bucky pointed to his friend. Steve smiled and waved at them as they returned the gesture.

“What did you want?” asked Sam.

Bucky kissed his cheek and said, “Anything. You choose. Get whatever you want, baby. I’ll be over here.”

Bucky walked away, but still glanced back at Sam. He and Steve shared a quick hug, before he sat down.

“You brought a date?” asked Steve.

“Just tell me what happened before he comes over here, man,” said Bucky.

“So, the hostiles from the other night, they were Armenian mob.”

“Fuck,” said Bucky.

“Fuck, indeed,” Steve replied.

“What does that mean for me?”

“For _us_,” said Steve. “It doesn’t mean anything right now. But the client who paid us for the job, I don’t know if we can trust them to keep their mouth shut.”

“We’re gonna have to shut ‘em up, aren’t we?”

“We might have to,” said Steve. “Can’t leave anything that could connect us to the job. I was thinkin’ about luring them out this weekend. Could use your help.”

“Okay,” said Bucky. “Let me know when and where and I’ll be there.”

Just then, Sam made his way over. He smiled at Bucky and Steve, handed the card over, and then took up a seat.

“Steve,” said Bucky. “This is Sam; Sammy, this is Steve.”

Both men extended their arms to shake hands.

“Hey, man,” said Sam. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” said Steve. “Great to put a face to the name.”

“Has this one been talkin’ about me?” Sam asked, as he glanced over at Bucky.

“A little,” said Steve, as he watched Bucky take hold of Sam’s hand.

“A lot,” said Bucky, as he brought Sam’s knuckles to his lips to kiss.

“I hope you were sayin’ good things,” said Sam with a playful smile.

Bucky beamed back at Sam before replying, “How could I say anything other than good things about you?”

Steve watched on and pretended to smile.

…..

After breakfast, the three men walked out onto the street ready to part ways.

“It was great meeting you,” said Steve as he shook Sam’s hand again.

“Yeah, man,” said Sam in earnest. “Same here.”

“Make sure Bucky stays outta trouble,” said Steve as he glanced over at his friend.

“Can’t promise anything,” said Sam playfully as they all shared a chuckle.

“Mind if I have a word with him for sec?” Steve asked.

“Nah, man,” said Sam. “Go for it.”

“Here,” said Bucky as he held his car keys out to Sam. “Go wait for me in the car. I won’t be long.”

Sam bid Steve farewell and headed off to where Bucky had parked. Bucky and Steve watched him walk away.

“He seems like a nice guy,” said Steve.

“He is,” said Bucky.

“I’m happy for you, Buck,” said Steve, albeit unconvincingly.

“But?”

“Just be careful,” said Steve. “Seems like he’s holding something back from you.”

“You’ve known him for an hour, Stevie,” said Bucky. “How could you possibly get that vibe from him?”

“I’m good at reading people, you know that.”

“Okay,” was all Bucky could think to say. “We done here?”

“Yeah, keep your burner on you,” said Steve. “I’ll call with details.”

…..

“All good?” asked Sam when Bucky returned to the car.

“Yeah, I might have to do some more travel again.”

“So soon?” asked Sam.

“Yes,” Bucky replied. “It sucks. I wanna stay here with you, but I gotta pay the bills somehow.”

Sam nodded his head in understanding before saying, “Well, what do we do in the meantime?”

“I say we go back to your place so I can eat your ass for the rest of the day,” said Bucky.

Sam bit his bottom lip and then said, “I’m not gonna argue with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I get some encouraging feedback on this chapter, I’ll post the next chapter before Xmas. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets some of Sam's friends and family and has a couple of realisations.

It was early in the morning, and the sky was still dark outside. Bucky woke with a slight start before reaching over to make sure Sam was still sleeping beside him. His hand found the warmth of Sam’s skin as he listened to his steady breathing. Not wanting to rouse him, Bucky found his phone, checked the time, and saw that it was nearing five o’clock. He rolled out of bed as quietly as he could and made his way out of Sam’s bedroom and headed in the direction of the kitchen in search of some cold water.

As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he switched on the overhead light. Suddenly, there was the shape of a person in his peripheral vision coming through the door that led to the kitchen from Sam’s backyard. Bucky was stark naked, and there was nothing in reach for him to grab in order to defend himself from the intruder.

When the other man noticed Bucky, he looked surprised and shocked, too.

“Who the fuck are you?” asked Bucky, taking in his appearance. “Who sent you?”

“Who the hell are you?” the other man asked as he realized Bucky was not wearing any clothing.

Both were frozen in place; Bucky discreetly searched the immediate area for something, _anything, _but Sam was a stickler for having things put away and in their place.

“I asked you first, dipshit,” said Bucky as he inched forward.

“Step back, asshole,” said the stranger. “I have pepper spray.”

He fumbled in his pocket and then found the canister, before lifting and aiming it in Bucky’s direction. Bucky sized him up, turned his head side-to-side in order to stretch his neck, and then said, “Fuck it.”

He lunged toward the intruder, who looked frightened; his hand shaking as he tried to aim the pepper spray properly. Before he could assault him with the spray, Bucky used his own arm to fend the intruder’s arm away; the container dropped to the floor. Bucky landed a hard punch to his stomach, effectively winding him and doubling him over slightly, before using his palm in a forceful, upward motion and connecting it with the intruder’s nose.

“Oh, shit! Shit! You dick! You broke my nose!”

Blood covered the man’s face and dripped down onto his white t-shirt. Bucky was looking for something to further incapacitate him, when Sam trudged into the kitchen, wondering what all of the commotion was about.

“What in the hell is goin’ on – _Scott_?” said Sam, taking in the unlikely scene before him. “Bucky? What the fuck?”

“Sam, this naked asshole broke my fuckin’ nose,” said Scott.

“You know this goofy prick?” Bucky asked as he turned to Sam.

“Yeah, what on earth?” said Sam as he took in the scene in front of him. “Bucky, this is Scott Lang. Scott, Bucky Barnes.”

“I’d shake your hand, but I think I need to get to Urgent Care,” said Scott.

xXxXx

Sam and Bucky sat side-by-side at the Urgent Care Center as they waited while Scott was being seen.

“I’m sorry,” said Bucky. “I didn’t know he was your friend.”

“Stop apologizing, man. It’s fine,” said Sam as he took hold of Bucky’s hand. “He should’ve let me know he was gonna come by to crash. I forgot he still had a key.”

Bucky stared down at the floor as Sam played with his fingers absentmindedly.

“Does he do that a lot?” asked Bucky. “Waltz into your house at the ass crack of dawn unannounced? How many other guys have a key to your place?”

Sam could hear the disdain in Bucky’s tone. He let out a sigh, and then said, “Hey, it’s not what you’re thinkin’.”

Bucky turned his head to look at Sam and said, “What is it, then?”

“Scott was my housemate a while ago,” said Sam. “We’re friends. He travels a lot for work. When he’s back in DC, he crashes at my place. That’s all it is.”

“When you say housemate, do you mean boyfriend or anything like that?”

“No,” said Sam. “Not that it matters.”

“It does matter,” said Bucky with a stern cadence. “I don’t want some guy who lived with you before to have a key to your place.”

“Seriously, Barnes?”

“I’m serious,” said Bucky. “I don’t want other guys having that type of access to you.”

“What type of access?”

“Where they can come and go while you’re sleeping,” said Bucky.

“Is this a jealousy thing?”

“No,” said Bucky, though he was lying because he was extremely jealous of other men giving Sam any kind of attention. “It’s a safety thing. There are a lot of dangerous people out there.”

“Lang’s not dangerous,” said Sam with a little laugh.

“Maybe so,” said Bucky. “But I’m serious, Sammy; there are some real bad people out there.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Buck,” said Sam as he gave his hand a squeeze. “I can take care of myself.”

“I’m here now,” said Bucky. “So you don’t have to.”

They shared a small smile before Bucky leaned in and kissed Sam’s lips gently.

“I think you’re the dangerous one, Bucky Barnes,” said Sam half-jokingly. It was true, he was dangerous, but to hear Sam say it made Bucky’s heart sink in his chest. He would hate to have Sam be afraid of him; to know what he was truly capable of.

“You know I’d never hurt you, right?” said Bucky so quietly that Sam almost missed it.

“Yeah, I know,” said Sam. “I just meant, you fucked Lang up with your _whole_ ass out; you’re a dangerous dude.”

Bucky laughed at Sam’s recap of the morning’s events. God, Sam really made him happy.

“I thought he was there to hurt you,” Bucky explained. “I just reacted.”

“Thank you,” said Sam, as he rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder. “I appreciate it, Buck. Scott might not, though. Great first impression, by the way.”

They both laughed.

“Shit,” said Bucky. “You met Stevie and offered to split a Danish with him. The first time I meet your friend, I have my dick out _and_ I break his face?”

Sam let out an amused laugh and then said, “Yeah, that’s not gonna be one of the stories we tell our grandkids.”

A sound, that Bucky unwittingly made, escaped from his throat upon hearing Sam’s words. Sam lifted his head and looked at his boyfriend. He saw an unreadable expression cover Bucky’s face. On the inside, deep down, Bucky could see it. He could see himself having a future with Sam. Them starting a family; them growing old together. Sitting around telling stories to their grandchildren. Bucky could see it; he could almost reach out and touch it, that’s how vivid and real it was for him.

But there amidst the dreams of getting old and fat with his Sammy; dreams of children, _their _children, the color of honey with Sam’s pretty brown eyes, scampering around at their feet; dreams of a future together; there was a sinking, dreadful feeling. It nestled into the pit of Bucky’s stomach because he knew that men like him didn’t get that. They didn’t get to have a normal life with normal guys like Sam who they were pretty sure they were falling head over heels for. _No_. All that men like Bucky had to look forward to was death; clean and professional, if he was lucky, but death nonetheless.

“Sorry,” said Sam, drawing Bucky from his reverie. 

“Uh?”

“Sorry for jokin’ about grandkids,” said Sam. “We only _just_ put a name to _us_, and now you’re probably thinking I’m moving too fast.”

“No way.”

“Well, I don’t wanna scare you off.”

“You’re not gonna do that,” said Bucky with a gentle smile. “I’m so hooked on you, dollface.”

Sam smiled back at him and said, “Shit, Barnes. I’m hooked on you, too.”

xXxXx

Scott Lang’s face looked quite bad. His eyes were purplish in the corners, and his nose was swollen. He reclined on Sam’s sofa while trying to drink a smoothie through a straw.

“How you holdin’ up?” asked Sam from his spot in the recliner.

“I’ve been better,” Scott replied. “Your new man is pretty strong.”

“Yeah, he’s sorry about that,” said Sam sincerely. “You gotta give me a heads up, dude. Bucky’s – _intense._”

“I kind of figured that,” Scott replied. “Where’d you meet? I wasn’t even aware that you were seeing anyone.”

“Met at one of Tony’s parties,” said Sam. “And it’s been a bit of a whirlwind thing ever since.”

“Oh, okay,” said Scott. “How’d Stark take it?”

“It’s none of his business,” said Sam.

“Yeah, but he’s kind of in love with you.”

“Okay, whatever.”

“It’s true,” said Scott. “You know it is.”

“Fine, just don’t mention it when Bucky gets back, okay?”

“Why not?”

“They don’t really get on,” Sam explained. “Plus, Bucky can be a little jealous.”

Scott raised an eyebrow before asking, “Sam, everything good between the two of you? He isn’t violent with you or anything? I noticed your eye. Wasn’t gonna say anything, but—”

“This?” said Sam, pointing to his wound. “You think Bucky did this?”

“I’m just asking.”

“And I appreciate it,” said Sam in earnest. “It was work related. Bucky’s not like that. He wouldn’t do that to me; he’s protective of me.”

“Okay, I believe you,” said Scott. “Aside from what he did to my face, he seems alright. What does everyone else think of him? What does Sarah and Nat think? What did Misty say?”

“Sarah doesn’t know I’m seein’ someone, Nat hasn’t met him yet,” said Sam. “And I don’t think Misty would want to meet Bucky. People don’t just go around introducing their ex to the person they just started seeing.”

“Well, let’s get ‘em over here,” said Scott. “They’ll wanna see me, obviously, but it’d be good to meet your new man, too.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on,” said Scott. “It’ll be fun. Get some take-out and beers.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking while you’re takin’ pain meds, dude,” said Sam with a serious tone.

“Fine, I won’t drink,” said Scott. “What d’ya say?”

“I say they won’t even have time to come over,” said Sam. “But you can try.”

“They’ll come,” said Scott. “They’ll want to meet your new main squeeze.”

Sam shook his head and said, “You can invite them over, as long as you don’t refer to Bucky as that ever again.”  


xXxXx

Scott’s idea of a small get together turned into a backyard cookout with most of Sam’s friends and family. Bucky sat back, next to Lang, and watched as everyone else interacted with Sam. He hadn’t gotten to speak to everyone for longer than just a quick greeting, but they all sure did seem to love Sam, and Bucky fully understood why. Sam was generous with his time, even though he was the center of attention. He made sure to get around to everyone; he made them feel welcomed and valued. Bucky couldn’t help but smile as Sam approached him while being flanked on each side by his sister, Sarah, and his friend, Nat, whom Bucky had briefly been introduced to.

Sam took up a seat next to his boyfriend. Bucky placed his hand to Sam’s thigh and offered him an endearing smile. The whole situation felt foreign, but nice. Bucky could not even recall the last time he was at such a get together, surrounded by people who thought the guy he was sweet on was just terrific. It had been years since he was at such a normal gathering. Seeing his Sammy interacting with his friends and family warmed his heart. He wanted the moment to last; he wanted nothing more than to have that normalcy with Sam for as long as he could. When Sarah, Sam’s sister, offered him another drink, he was drawn from his thoughts.

“Thank you,” said Bucky with a smile, taking the beer bottle from the kind-faced woman.

“You okay?” asked Sam, noticing how quiet he was.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied honestly. “This is nice.”

They beamed at one another and settled into the moment.

“So, _Bucky_,” said Nat. “What do you do for a living? Sam’s told us nothing.”

“Yeah,” Sarah interjected. “He’s kept this whole thing under wraps.”

“Is that a good thing?” Bucky asked.

“Doesn’t matter what we think,” Sarah supplied. “What matters is how my brother feels about you. And the fact that he’s said nothing means he wants to keep you all to himself.”

“Seriously?” asked Sam. “Y’all are too nosy. That’s why I don’t say anything.”

They all shared a laugh. Bucky wondered what it actually meant that Sam had not said anything about him. He had told Steve that he was seeing someone. He had told Steve that he wanted more; that he wanted to date Sam. He would be lying, once again, if he said it didn’t irk him that Sam had kept quiet about their relationship. Though, he understood why. What they had was fresh; it was new. And if Sam felt how Bucky did, he’s be scared as all hell that what they had would not last. Bucky shook such a notion from his mind and focussed on the conversation again.

“What _has_ he said about me?” Bucky queried, squeezing Sam’s leg.

“Not a whole lot,” Nat replied. “Just that he really likes you.”

Sam shook his head in Nat’s direction, wondering why she was putting him on blast like that, before turning to Bucky and gifting him with a beautiful smile.

“I do really like you,” Sam proffered. “But I keep my business to myself. They know that. They’re just trying to get information from you.”

Bucky grinned at Sam just as Nat replied, “Well, can you at least tell us what you do for a living,” she said. “Sammy obviously tells us nothing.”

Bucky laughed and then said, “Well, I own my own business. My friend and I have a company that manufactures and sells tactical gear.”

“Like bulletproof vests and shit?” Nat queried.

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “Our main clients are law enforcement and military.”

“Wow,” said Nat. “I’ve never met anyone in that field. How’d you get into it?”

“Was in the army for a while,” said Bucky. “Got out and did some high-risk personal security work.”

“High-risk?” said Sarah. “What’s that about? Sounds dangerous.”

“Yeah, it was,” said Bucky. “We mainly worked abroad in high-tension zones.”

“You mean war zones?”

“Sometimes,” said Bucky. “But also in places with corrupt governments. Or where violent crime was high.”

“And you protected people? Or did you protect their assets?” Nat asked, suddenly finding Sam’s boyfriend to be interesting.

“Both,” Bucky replied, thinking Sam’s friend liked digging.

“Anything illegal?” asked Scott.

“Dude,” said Sam. “Come on. You don’t have to answer that, baby.”

“It’s cool,” Bucky replied. “Truth is, we didn’t ask. We just took a fee and went where the clients sent us. But honestly, you could kinda tell when a package wasn’t exactly legal.”

“How?” Sarah asked, intrigued by the man.

“When a client pays thousands of dollars to a couple of guys, asking them to be armed to the teeth with fully automatic weapons, while taking a package seventy miles down a jungle road, you know that shit’s illegal.”

“Wow,” said Sam, leaning away from Bucky slightly. “And you did it anyway?”

“That was a long time ago,” said Bucky, feeling like Sam was judging him. “You know what it’s like when you get out of the military, dollface. I went in young, and the only skills I came out with were being good with guns and taking orders. Thought I may as well get paid better for it.”

Sam and Bucky stared at one another for a beat. Sarah cleared her throat and then asked, “So, you stopped doin’ that and started a company?”

Bucky drew his gaze from Sam and then looked at his sister.

“Yeah,” he replied with a nod of his head. “We realized there was a market for military-grade tactical gear that people, _civilians_, would pay good money for. We also sell self-defense equipment.”

“Like pepper spray?” asked Nat, as she glanced at Scott with a little grin playing on her lips.

“Yeah,” said Bucky.

“That’s ironic,” said Nat. “Sam said Lang tried to spray you. Is the pepper spray he had like what your company produces?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, slightly perturbed by her adamant and focused questioning. “Probably our brand, too.”

“This is triggering,” said Scott with a forlorn expression on his face.

Nat found it amusing. Bucky laughed it off, trying to lighten the mood. He felt like he was being scrutinized by everyone, Sam included. Sam changed the subject.

“Anyway,” said Sam. “Pretty sure they both wanna forget that whole ordeal.”

“I know I do,” said Scott half-jokingly. “Pretty boy came out of it without so much as a scratch, and here I am with a busted nose and two black eyes. So yeah, I want to forget it.”

Sam smiled over at Bucky, before stroking his hand across his cheek and saying, “Thank you for not kickin’ his ass, Lang. I’d hate to have to take you off my Christmas card list if you messed up this face.”

Sam leaned over and kissed the side of Bucky’s face, causing his eyes to light up.

“Aww,” said Scott as he tilted his head and smiled at the pair.

“Can I just say y’all make a cute couple?” said Sarah as she grinned at her brother.

“Yeah,” Nat added. “So cute.”

Sam looked at Bucky and they shared a coy smile. Just then, Scott almost leapt from his chair as a new arrival stepped into Sam’s backyard and waved their way through the small crowd: It was Misty Knight.

“Hey,” said Scott as he got up from his seat and approached Misty. “So glad you made it.”

The shared a hug. Nat and Sarah followed suit; each embracing the newcomer. Sam got up from where he was seated and wrapped his arms around Misty. They smiled at one another before Sam led her to the table where he, Bucky, and the others had congregated. Bucky eyed the late guest and waited to be introduced.

“Oh my goodness,” said Misty. “I can’t believe we’re all here.”

“Same,” said Nat.

“Shit, Lang,” said Misty as she took in his appearance properly. “You look like hell.”

“Yeah,” said Scott, as he glanced sideways at Bucky; Bucky felt bad once more. “Bucky here sure knows how to land a punch.”

Misty glanced at Bucky, before turning her attention to Sam who spoke up.

“Misty, this is Bucky,” Sam supplied. “Buck, this is Misty.”

Bucky stood up and extended his hand. He noticed that Sam’s friend had one flesh arm and one prosthetic. She shook his hand firmly and said, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” said Bucky with an amicable smile.

“So, Wilson,” said Misty, as she took a seat. “Lang said this was a meet-Sam’s-new-squeeze cookout. Said we should get our asses over here to meet the new boyfriend.”

Sam shot Scott an unimpressed look.

“Nah, it’s more of an impromptu get together since Lang’s back in town,” said Sam.

“But I _am_ his boyfriend,” Bucky interjected, feeling the sudden urge to remind everyone that he and Sam were an item.

“Oh, I knew that,” said Misty with a knowing smile. “I know that look.”

“What look?” asked Bucky, intrigued.

“The boo’d-up-with-Sam-Wilson look,” she said with a smile. “Sammy and I dated back in the day.”

Bucky’s eyes went wide a moment, as Sam dipped his head a little.

“Oh,” said Bucky.

“But this doesn’t have to be awkward,” she offered with a slight chuckle. “Sam’s awesome and we’re all good friends. We all love him; you really lucked out with this guy.”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, trying to process this new information. “I’m the luckiest guy around.”

xXxXx

Bucky’s mood soured as all of the people Sam cared about most in the world laughed and joked with one another. The food was devoured, the crowd had thinned, and the drinks were flowing. Bucky observed as Sam accommodated those who were left. Nat seemed to be his best friend. Sarah seemed really nice and protective of him; Lang was still a goofy prick; and Misty was gorgeous. Bucky could not help but wonder what had transpired between her and Sam. They seemed like they were really good friends, despite the fact, much to Bucky’s chagrin, that they were exes. It had never occurred to Bucky that Sam was into women as well. It didn’t change how he felt about his Sammy, but he’d be lying if he said that being there with someone Sam had dated didn’t annoy him.

Misty, he discovered, was a cop; a detective, to be more precise. She was funny and good-looking, and every one of Sam’s loved ones seemed to genuinely love her. So did Sam. Bucky watched on, while nursing his beer, as his Sammy and Misty caught up. Bucky watched on as they laughed together, and shared stories. He watched as Misty Knight absently placed her hand to Sam’s arm as she threw her head back and laughed loudly.

_Shit, _thought Bucky. She and Sam seemed to have a lot in common. They were both good people. They both sought to help people. They both had this aura about them that just screamed that they were kind and compassionate, but also no-nonsense. Bucky was an awful person who killed other people for money. He was a murderer; he was cold-hearted. How could he ever compare to a detective who saved lives and made a worthwhile contribution to society? These doubtful words flooded his mind and caused his head to hurt.

When Sam laughed loudly at something Misty had said, Bucky placed his drink down, excused himself, and trudged off to the bathroom. He locked the door behind himself, splashed his face with cool water, and stared into the mirror.

How was he ever going to be good enough for Sam? Beautiful, kind Sam. Who looked after everyone; made sure they were okay. Who saw the good in people and remained friends with his ex. Lovable, gentle Sam, who was way too good for Bucky. Seeing Sam in his element with his loved ones really solidified this for Bucky. A swift rapping on the door drew Bucky from his thoughts.

“Yeah?” he said as he straightened up his clothing.

“Bucky?” Sam called out. “Can I come in?”

Bucky unlocked the door and opened it for his boyfriend.

“You okay in here?” asked Sam; Bucky shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” asked Bucky.

“That you have to sit here while my ex is here, too,” said Sam.

“She seems nice,” said Bucky, not lifting his gaze. “I’m surprised she’s a _she_, but she seems real nice, Sammy.”

“Still,” said Sam. “I know how awkward it must be for you. First time meeting my crew, and my ex is here, too. I didn’t think she’d even show.”

“Of course she would,” said Bucky, as he lifted his eyes to stare into Sam’s. “Can’t blame anyone for wantin’ to be around you. You’re the best.”

Bucky brought his hands to Sam’s waist and pulled him nearer.

“Thank you for being so cool with it,” said Sam. “Misty really is one of my best friends.”

Bucky nodded his head, but said nothing. He wished he could be one of Sam’s best friends. He wished they could be so close and open with one another. He wished he didn’t feel like such a fucking fraud amongst the people Sam loved. He vaguely wondered if he could ever be the type of person that Sam loved. He wondered if what he felt for Sam _was_ love.

_Shit._

He knew it was; he knew, with his whole heart, that he was in love with Sam Wilson. He may not have known what love was in the past, but this had to be it. This overwhelming feeling of joy mixed with a hint of fear _had_ to be love. Joy, because Sam made him that fucking happy; fear, because he was so afraid that Sam would find out that he was a monster and not want anything to do with him.

“Buck?” Sam asked, suddenly concerned by his boyfriend’s quiet demeanor. “You still with me?”

“Yeah, dollface,” Bucky replied with a soft smile. “I’m with you. Come on; let’s get back out there.”

xXxXx

Sam wrapped his legs tightly around Bucky’s waist as Bucky hovered on top of him and thrust into him eagerly. They shared a deep kiss as Bucky’s hardness impaled Sam again and yet again. Sam dug his nails into Bucky’s hot flesh as he hit his spot. His ass clenched around Bucky’s cock, and Bucky lost all of his composure. He came hard, filling Sam with his seed. He didn’t usually like to find his release without Sam having found his first. As Bucky opened his eyes, he looked down at his angelic Sammy, glistening with sweat and panting beneath him.

“Sorry, baby,” Bucky breathed, still rooted deeply inside of his lover. “I didn’t mean to get there before you.”

“It’s okay,” said Sam, as he stroked Bucky’s face before reaching for his own trembling dick. “I can finish myself.”

“No,” said, as he stopped Sam from jerking himself off. “Let me.”

They shared another kiss before Bucky inched his spent dick out of Sam’s hole.

“Watch me,” said Bucky, as he shifted backward and dipped his head. Sam kept his legs spread as he leaned up on his elbows and set his gaze on his boyfriend.

Bucky watched as his come trickled from Sam’s hole before he brought his mouth down and licked up the stickiness. He then moved to take hold of Sam’s cock with his hand. He stroked it a couple of time before bringing his tongue to the large, smooth tip and letting his come drip from his mouth onto Sam’s thick cock.

“Shit,” said Sam as he watched the display. “That’s hot as fuck.”

Bucky offered no reply, instead he licked the entire length of Sam’s dick before taking it into his mouth.

“Fuck,” said Sam as his eyes rolled shut for a moment. He recovered quickly so that he could continue to watch as Bucky sucked him off.

Bucky was not trying to extend Sam’s pleasure; he was trying to get him off. He placed one hand at the base of Sam’s cock and strummed up and down as he sucked his dripping crown into his mouth. With his free hand, he slid two fingers inside of Sam’s gaping asshole. He thrust them in and out without mercy as Sam watched on.

“Shit,” said Sam. “Hmmm.”

Bucky continued to suck and finger fuck Sam as he brought him closer to his climax. When Bucky lifted his gaze to stare into his lover’s eyes as he swallowed his cock down his throat, Sam fucking lost it. He cursed loudly and came hard as Bucky held him into place.

After Bucky dislodged Sam’s spurting cock from his gullet, and withdrew his fingers from Sam’s hole, he covered Sam’s body with his. He took hold of his dick once more and stroked it as Sam shuddered beneath him. He kissed Sam’s neck and jawline before pressing their lips together. They kissed slowly as Bucky milked the last of Sam’s semen from his trembling dick.

xXxXx

The soft glow of the lamp caressed Sam and Bucky’s naked forms as they lay in Sam’s bed. Sam laid on his back while Bucky leaned up on his arm and stared down at him. He used his free hand to trace his fingers gently over Sam’s face. He ran the tip of his index finger down the bridge of Sam’s nose, before trailing it over his lips.

“You’re so perfect,” Bucky whispered. “So good.”

Sam smiled lazily up at him.

“Too good for me,” he blurted out without thinking.

Sam’s smile faded as he knit his brow and then said, “Hey, where’d that come from? You know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” Bucky offered in reply. “Seein’ you today with everyone and how much they adore you, just hit home for me. You’re _way_ too good for me, beautiful boy. Way too good.”

Sam sighed loudly and then shifted so that he was mirroring Bucky.

“I’m not perfect, Bucky,” Sam said as he stared into his cool blue eyes. “There’s so much you don’t know about me. Sure, my family and friends gas me up, but I’m not this perfect guy. I’m not better than you, and I’m definitely not too good for you.”

“There’s _so_ much you don’t know about me,” said Bucky. “And if you knew it all, you wouldn’t like me.”

“You sat through a cookout with my dumbass, nosy friends, my sister, _and_ my ex,” said Sam with a little smile. “If I liked you before, I’m fuckin’ smitten with you now.”

Bucky smiled and felt his heart flutter.

“I did that for you,” Bucky said as he stroked the back of his hand across Sam’s face. “I don’t usually interact with a lot of people, or meet new people, or fuckin’ make nice with my man’s ex. But they’re important to you, so I’m gonna try. And I am beyond smitten with you, my sweet baby.”

They shared a soft, chaste kiss before Bucky rolled onto his back and drew Sam to his body; Sam rested his head against Bucky’s chest. Bucky traced circles on Sam’s back as he pressed a kiss to his head.

“The stuff I said today, about what I did when I got out. The shady shit.”

“What about it?” Sam asked as he hooked his and Bucky’s legs together.

“Did it make you think any less of me?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know what to think of it,” said Sam. “I mean, it explains a lot.”

“What?”

“Well, you’re secretive,” said Sam. “And, don’t take this the wrong way, but there’s something, I don’t know, _dangerous_ about you.”

Bucky remained silent.

“But in a sexy way,” Sam added.

“Hmm,” Bucky replied. “That danger shit get you goin’, eh? Who’d have thought?”

“Hush up,” said Sam with a smile as he slapped Bucky’s arm playfully. “I just mean, there’s something about you. I don’t know what it is, but you’re hot as fuck, dude, and definitely a little dangerous. And I guess I like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “This is probably a bad example, but seein’ how you handled yourself when you thought someone was breaking into my place. I was like, _damn_. My man is hardcore.”

Bucky’s laugh rattled through his chest as he rubbed Sam’s back and kissed his head once more.

“I gotta admit,” Bucky started. “It was a little weird that your friend hung about after I messed him up. He’s almost _too_ forgiving.”

“Yeah, man,” said Sam. “Scott’s cool like that. He doesn’t hold grudges.”

“What about Nat?”

“Oh, she definitely does,” said Sam with a chuckle.

“And your sister?”

“Is this your way of askin’ if they’d forgive you if you ever hurt me?”

“I’d never want to hurt you,” said Bucky, with a seriousness to his tone. “But you love them, and they’re important to you, so I want them to like me, too.”

“You planning on stickin’ around for more fun time cookouts, Barnes?”

“Yes, for as long as you want me.”

“Good,” said Sam as he wrapped his arm tighter around Bucky’s waist. “Because I kinda want you all the time.”

The pair settled into a comfortable silence as Sam started to drift off into slumber.

“Hey, Buck?”

“Hmm?”

“I think they liked you just fine.”

“For real?”

“Yeah,” said Sam as he took hold of Bucky’s hand. “For real.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the last update for the year. See how I feel. Thanks to those who left me comments on the last chappie. I was kind of bummed with the lack of feedback, but I know everyone is busy at this time of the year. Thanks for reading! Have a great holiday break.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are slowly unravelling as a new revelation comes to light.

A few days had passed since Sam had introduced Bucky to his friends and family. Things were going along nicely. They had fallen into a kind of normalcy with one another. Something that was out of the ordinary for them in their covert work lives, and they were each enjoying it immensely.

Presently, they were about to go to the store together to get groceries. Fucking groceries. Bucky was going to implode with joy from how normal and mundane that was. Sam was so happy to do regular boyfriend shit with his man. As they were about to head out, Sam got a call; he watched as his phone rang. Tony was trying to get in contact with him yet again. He let the call ring out, and then checked the voicemail that was left for him.

“I saw Lang while he was in town,” said Tony. “He looked like shit. Said your boyfriend did it to him. Sam, I don’t think Barnes is a good person. You should be careful. I’m only telling you this because I care about you, okay? He probably won’t let you talk to me, but if you get a minute, reach out, Sam. We should talk. I miss you.”

Sam sighed discretely, deleted the message, and then smiled over at Bucky.

“You ready?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, beautiful,” said Bucky. “I’m ready.”

xXxXx

“I thought you’d have a housekeeper,” said Sam as he and Bucky walked down the aisle of the grocery store.

Bucky raised an eyebrow and gave him a questioning look.

“What?” he asked. “Why?”

“Umm, because you can afford one,” Sam replied. “Plus, I didn’t think you’d have time to do your own shopping or shit like that.”

Bucky stopped and stared at Sam; he could see the hint of a smile playing on Sam’s lips. He was teasing Bucky.

“You’re givin’ me shit, Wilson?”

Sam grinned, shrugged, and then said, “Yeah, a little. But seriously, I _am_ kind of surprised that you do all o’ this stuff on your own. Other guys I know who’re well-off like you have assistants and maids and the whole lot.”

“I only have a driver and occasionally gardener,” said Bucky. “And that’s because I know and trust them. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t have a lot of people around me.”

“I noticed,” said Sam, as he looped his arm into Bucky’s; they started walking again.

“Yeah, so that’s one reason I don’t have a whole team of staff at my place,” he offered. “I don’t need it. I’m rarely ever at home. The most action my living room’s seen was when we were foolin’ around on the sofa.”

Sam smiled as he recalled the memory as Bucky continued to speak.

“I eat out most of the time,” said Bucky. “So, there’s no need to keep the fridge stocked or anything.”

“Barnes? Be honest with me now: Can you cook?” asked Sam, stopping once more so that he could stare into his boyfriend’s eyes.

Bucky placed his hand over his heart and pretended to be offended.

“You think I’d invite you over to my place for dinner and not know how to cook?” asked Bucky. “I’m tryin’ to impress you, not make a fool of myself.”

“Aww,” said Sam as he slipped his hand into Bucky’s. “You’re _still_ trying to impress me?”

Bucky smiled at Sam and then kissed his cheek, “Of course I am.”

They shared a smile and then kept walking. Bucky placed items into the basket as he checked off his mental shopping list. Once he was sure he had everything they needed, the pair made their way to the checkout. In his peripheral vision, Bucky noticed a man staring at him and Sam not too far away. He clenched his jaw and then looked directly at him. The man averted his gaze and began absently flicking through a bunch of magazines. Maybe it was Bucky’s paranoia, but he was certain he recognized the man; he was sure he had seen him at the gas station before he and Sam had ventured to the grocery store.

Bucky let Sam go before him in the queue and then began to empty the basket. As the clerk rang up the items, Bucky stood close to Sam and kept an eye on the man who seemed to be wandering aimlessly through the store. Once they were done, Sam and Bucky exited the building and made their way out onto the street. Bucky carried the shopping bag in one hand and held Sam’s hand with the other. His car was parked around the corner, and when they almost reached the last building on that block, Bucky turned his head to glance back. He narrowed his eyes when he saw the man following behind them.

Calmly, Bucky stopped walking and said to Sam, “Hey, dollface. You wanna take the stuff to the car? I gotta run back and grab something.”

“Sure,” said Sam as Bucky handed him the bag and then his car keys.

“I won’t be long,” said Bucky with a smile.

He watched as Sam disappeared around the corner before turning and walking toward the stranger. Their eyes met as Bucky approached him. The man dipped his gaze and tried to shift to his right to let Bucky pass, but Bucky did not. Instead, he grabbed him by his collar and threw him up against a shopfront wall.

“What the hell!” said the shocked man.

“Why the fuck are you following us?” asked Bucky as he got up in the stranger’s face.

“I – I’m not.”

Bucky tightened his grip before slamming the man into the wall once more.

“Who sent you?”

“What? No one. No one sent me, man. I wasn’t following you.”

“I will fuckin’ bury you if you don’t start talkin’,” said Bucky. “Now tell me who sent you!”

People who were walking by began to stare at the two of them, but Bucky did not care. He knew when he was being tailed. He knew the man was lying. He pressed his forearm against the man’s throat before reaching into his pocket and taking out his wallet. He struggled against Bucky, but wasn’t strong enough to break free. Bucky took out his driver’s licence and read his name.

“Craig Brandy? Tell me why you’re following us.”

“Hey, hey what’s goin’ on here?” said a man who was passing by.

Bucky turned his head to him and said with a snarl, “Fuck off.”

The man moved along, and Bucky resumed his interrogation.

“Tell me who sent you,” he said, removing his arm from the man’s throat so he could speak.

“I can’t,” he admitted. “It’s a client of mine.”

“Were you sent to kill me?”

“What? No. No, man. I’m a PI.”

“A private investigator?”

“Yes. Someone paid me follow your boyfriend.”

“Who was it?”

“I can’t –”

Bucky banged his head against the wall.

“You can,” he said sternly. “And you will. Otherwise, I’m gonna come past your place later and put a bullet between your eyes, now tell me who the fuck sent you.”

“I can’t say who it was.”

“Then _why_ did they send you?”

“Your boyfriend.”

“What about him?” asked Bucky, feeling the rage intensifying.

“They want me to watch him.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” said the man. “I was paid to watch him. See where he goes. See who he’s with.”

“Who paid you?”

“Please, I can’t say because I don’t know. I never met them.”

“Is he in danger?”

“I don’t know. I’m just meant to report back with who he’s with and where he goes. That’s all. That’s it.”

Bucky stepped back and let go of the man. He held up the licence and said in a low voice, “I’m gonna hold onto this. You go back to your client, return what they paid you, and drop the case. If you don’t, I’ll find you and I’ll kill you. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah, I understand,” he said shakily.

Bucky placed the licence in his pocket before shifting closer and kneeing the investigator in crotch. He doubled over in pain as Bucky walked away. When he reached his car, Sam was sitting in the front passenger’s seat scrolling through his phone.

“Do you follow Tony Stark on social media?” asked Bucky after he got in behind the steering wheel.

“Uh?” asked Sam as he looked over at Bucky.

“Stark,” Bucky snapped. “Do you follow his Instagram and Facebook and shit?”

“Yeah, why?” asked Sam as he furrowed his brow.

“Let me see your phone,” said Bucky with his hand out.

Sam looked at him incredulously. He was shocked by the change in his demeanor. Bucky ran hot-and-cold at the best of times, but this shift in mood was pronounced and it left Sam shaken and confused.

“The fuckin’ phone, Sam. Give it to me, now.”

“What the fuck, Barnes? Are you for real right now?”

“Sam, let me see the fuckin’ phone,” Bucky snapped.

“This is bullshit,” said Sam. “You’re taking this jealousy shit too far.”

“This isn’t about jealousy, Sam. This is about your safety. I need to see Stark’s social media. I need to see his check-ins. I need to know where he is right now.”

Sam saw the coldness behind Bucky’s eyes, and it scared him a little.

“Why?”

“Because I need to find him and talk to him.”

“About what?”

“Goddamn it, Sam!” said Bucky as he smashed his hand against the steering wheel, causing Sam to jump. “Let me see his fuckin’ check-ins!”

Sam undid his seatbelt and said, “Don’t talk to me like that. Don’t you raise your voice at me!”

He opened the car door and went to exit the vehicle. Bucky grabbed hold of his arm.

“Let me go, asshole.”

“Sam, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to –”

Sam got out of the car and slammed the door. Bucky followed suit.

“Sammy, please.”

“Don’t,” said Sam as he started to walk away.

“Where’re you goin’?”

“Home,” said Sam; Bucky walked quickly behind him.

“Please, baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you,” he said as he caught up to Sam. He placed his hand to Sam’s arm. Sam pulled away from him but stopped walking. He folded his arms over his chest; Bucky stepped in front of him.

“I don’t like it when you get angry like that,” said Sam. “I don’t like it when you raise your voice and demand shit from me, man.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Shut up and let me finish,” said Sam. “What’s gotten into you? We were having a nice time. You go back to the store, and then come back empty handed and demanding to see my phone. What’s your problem with Stark now?”

Bucky let out a sigh and debated whether or not he should tell the truth. He looked into Sam’s eyes and could see the annoyance with a hint of hurt. He didn’t want to hurt his Sammy; not ever. He decided to be straightforward with him. He took out the licence from his pocket and handed it to Sam.

“What the? Who’s this?”

“He was following us since the gas station,” Bucky explained. “I noticed. I went back to confront him. He admitted he was a private investigator who was paid to follow you.”

“Me?” asked Sam as his eyes went wide. “Why?”

“To see where you go and who you’re with,” said Bucky. “Stark probably sent him. I know he’s hung up on you. Probably stalkin’ you, too.”

“That’s crazy,” said Sam, bewildered. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh, really?” asked Bucky. “He’s obsessed with you. Everyone can see it.”

“Why now? Why would he send someone to spy on me now?”

“I don’t know,” said a frustrated Bucky. “But who else could it be?”

Sam thought of all of the people in his life who would do something like that. It was a possibility that he was being watched because of his line of work. If it was the case, he was going to have to go to work immediately and run checks on the investigator in an effort to track the person he was working for. People who had other people watched did not usually have good intentions.

“I have to go,” said Sam as he handed the freshly memorized licence back to Bucky and started to back away.

“Sammy, please don’t go. We were havin’ a good day. I’m sorry I fucked it up.”

“I gotta go, Buck,” said Sam, not that upset with him anymore, but more concerned with who could be watching him. “If someone’s paying someone else to follow me, I need to find out who.”

“You need to stay with me so I can protect you,” said Bucky, pleadingly as he stepped toward Sam and took hold of his hand.

“I’m probably not in danger,” said Sam. “If someone wanted to hurt me, they’d do it already. Not have some asshole follow me. And I can take care of myself. I’m not a damsel, Bucky.”

“I know. I know that. But baby, can you please just come with me?” said Bucky as he placed his hand to Sam’s face. “Please.”

Sam let out a short breath while he searched Bucky’s eyes. He saw the worry in them, and it caused his heart to clench.

“Okay,” said Sam. “But I need a minute. I have to make a quick call.”

“Alright,” said Bucky. “I’ll wait in the car for you.”

He kissed Sam’s lips and then walked away. Sam took out his phone and called Nat.

“Hey,” she said. “What’s up?”

  
“Nat, can you do me a favor?”

“Sure,” she replied. “What d’ya need?”

“I need you to run a check on a Craig Brandy,” said Sam. “He’s a PI and someone paid him to watch me. Follow the money trail and find out who it was.”

“Shit,” said Nat. “You need to get to a safe-house until I find out what’s going on.”

“I’m going to Bucky’s place.”

“You sure that’s a good idea?”

“It’s secure,” said Sam. “I’ll be okay.”

“Do you have a weapon?”

“No.”

“Go and get one, Wilson,” said Nat.

“I will,” said Sam. “Please let me know as soon as you find out.”

“You got it,” said Nat. “Be safe, Sam.”

xXxXx

A light sheen of sweat covered their naked bodies as Bucky entered Sam from behind while they laid on their sides. Sam had his leg hooked over Bucky’s. Bucky held Sam close as he thrust into him and peppered sweet kisses to his neck and shoulder.

“I’m sorry for today, baby,” Bucky whispered as he made love to his Sammy. “I’m so sorry.”

His hand found Sam’s cock as he stroked it, causing Sam to say, “_Fuck_. I forgive you. _Shit. _I forgive you, Buck. Just keep – _oh, god_ – keep doin’ that. _Please.”_

Bucky smiled against Sam’s damp skin before biting into his shoulder and pumping into him with more fervor. He did not enjoy being at odds with his Sammy, but the make-up sex, he found, was amazing.

xXxXx

The afternoon sun shone through Bucky’s bedroom window and touched his and Sam’s skin. Bucky was laying flat on his back on the bed with his eyes closed, and Sam was propped up on his elbow glancing down at him. He had his hand pressed to Bucky’s chest.

“Jesus, Barnes,” Sam whispered. “You’re so pretty.”

Bucky smiled, and then opened one of his eyes to peer up at Sam.

“Look who’s talkin’,” said Bucky as he covered Sam’s hand with his own.

Bucky opened his eyes and gifted Sam with a wide smile.

“Hold up,” said Sam, as he reached for his phone. He opened up his camera and then took a snapshot of Bucky.

“Let’s take one together,” Bucky suggested. “C’mere.”

Sam laid down on Bucky’s arm, placed his head near Bucky’s, and held the phone up to take the picture. He took it, but it ended up being blurry.

“Wait, let’s do another one,” said Sam as Bucky turned his head to kiss Sam’s face; Sam caught the moment before taking another one. “Here, you do the next one so you can get my good side.”

“Baby, all your sides are good,” said Bucky, causing Sam to beam brightly as he took the phone from him. They took one more picture, with Bucky staring at his lover. Sam kissed him and then moved to get up.

“Where you going?” asked Bucky.

“To get some water,” said Sam. “You want something while I’m down there?”

“No thank you, dollface,” said Bucky; they shared another soft kiss before Sam rolled out of bed and went downstairs.

Bucky closed the pictures that they had just taken together, and then opened Sam’s messages. He typed in Tony Stark’s name and typed out a message from Sam that read: _Meet me at my place tonight at 8:00. We need to talk. _

Tony replied immediately, like Bucky hoped he would.

Tony Stark: _OK. I’ll be there._

He deleted the thread, and then went back to look at the pictures of him and Sam again. He smiled to himself. There was _nothing_ he wouldn’t do for his gorgeous, sweet Sammy, and he needed him to realize that. He saved the picture of him kissing Sam’s face as the lock screen, and then sent the pictures to his own phone before placing the device on the nightstand. He then saved the same picture as his own lock screen. When Sam came back, he climbed back into bed.

“Check your phone,” said Bucky, as he showed his screen. “We’re matching.”

Sam looked at his phone and then smiled before saying, “God, baby, you’re so corny.”

xXxXx

After dinner, Sam was lounging around watching trash TV. Bucky stood behind the sofa and placed his hands to Sam’s shoulders. He started to massage him.

“Hmm that feels amazing,” said Sam. “You buttering me up, Barnes?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky with a little laugh. “I gotta take off for an hour or so.”

“Where’re you going?” asked Sam.

“Work shit came up,” Bucky lied.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, baby. Nothing I can’t fix. Call me if you need anything,” said Bucky as he leaned down and kissed the top of Sam’s head. “I’ll try not to be gone too long.”

xXxXx

Bucky sat inside of Sam’s house with the light above the front step switched on, but the rest of the house in darkness. He left the front door open so that Stark would walk inside. He waited for around ten minutes, and sure enough, Stark did as Bucky hoped he would. He walked into Sam’s home, calling out his name, before Bucky pressed the silencer of the handgun to the back of his head and then closed the door behind them.

…..

Sam switched off the TV and then sighed loudly. He felt a little weird being in Bucky house on his own. The place was large and empty. Sam noted that there were no family photos adorning the walls. If a stranger went in there, they would not even know who lived there. Sam checked the time on his phone, and then got up from where he was seated. Curiosity got the better of him, and he decided to look around while Bucky was working. He really only spent his time in the kitchen, lounge room, and Bucky’s bedroom. He would take the opportunity to explore the rest of the house.

Sam walked to the large glass sliding doors that led into Bucky’s backyard. He hadn’t realized that there was a pool in the out there. Sam stepped outside, and the sensor lights came on, illuminating the grounds. The gardens were immaculate, but he doubted Bucky had time to enjoy them. The pool house was converted to a gym. The place looked like a resort rather than someone’s backyard. Sam wasn’t sure how long Bucky had lived there.

He stepped back inside, and then decided to check the spare rooms upstairs. He vaguely thought about what he would do if he came across a sex dungeon, then laughed to himself and pushed the thought aside. The first room was a guest bedroom. It was smaller than Bucky’s and was fairly homely. Sam stepped inside and opened a closet; nothing was in there except a few boxes. Sam closed the door, and then left the room. He moved on to the next, but it was locked when he tried to doorhandle.

“Hmm,” he said to himself. “This might be the sex dungeon.”

He laughed and the moved on, not realizing that behind the door was a small armory. Just as he went to check one of the other rooms, his phone rang.

“Hey, Nat.”

“Hi, Sam,” Nat greeted. “We traced who made the payment to the PI.”

…..

“Where’s Sam?” said Tony, not worrying about the gun that was pointed to his head.

Bucky did not answer him. Just as he was going force him farther into the house, his phone rang: Sam’s name flashed on his screen. Bucky took the butt of his pistol and hit Tony in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious.

“Sammy?” he answered. “Everything alright?”

“You wanna explain to me why your boy Steve paid the PI to follow me around?”

“What?” said Bucky.

“Steve Rogers,” said Sam. “That’s your buddy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, a friend of mine in law enforcement traced the payments back to a Steve Rogers,” said Sam. “He’s the one who put a tail on me.”

Bucky felt the vein in his temple begin to throb as he narrowed his eyes and said, “Motherfucker.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Would love to hear your thoughts.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to a head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update of the year. Enjoy!

“He’s the one who put the tail on me,” said Sam.

“Motherfucker!” Bucky replied. “I had no idea. You gotta believe me.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

“I have to go, baby,” said Bucky. “I’m gonna find him and ask him. Will you wait there for me?”

“No,” said Sam. “I won’t be here when you get back.”

“Sammy, please.”

“No, Barnes,” said Sam. “I’m going home. I need time alone to think.”

“Sam –”

“Bye.”

With that, Sam ended the call.

“Fuck!” said Bucky as he brought his fists to his temples; phone in one hand, gun in the other. He looked down at an unconscious Tony Stark and knew he needed to get him out of Sam’s home before he returned and discovered them there.

xXxXx

The drive to where Steve was staying did not take very long. Bucky exited the car he had stolen and sprinted up to the front door. He knocked thrice and then, after a moment, Steve greeted him and let him in. Bucky closed the door behind himself and then when Steve turned, he swung a neat right hook toward Steve’s face; it landed with brute force. Steve fell to the floor.

“What the fuck are you doin’, Buck?” asked Steve, bewildered, as he pressed a hand to his lip to see if he was bleeding.

“Get your ass up!” said Bucky. “Why’d you have some prick follow Sam around?”

Steve clambered to his feet and took up a defensive stance, waiting for his friend to strike him once more.

“Because you know nothing about him, Barnes,” said Steve. “You met him, fucked him, and told him your real name. Had him at your place playing house with him. Fucking brought him to meet me. And you don’t know anything about him! Why? Is his ass that good, eh? Stop thinkin’ with your dick!”

“You don’t know shit!” said Bucky, anger swirling around inside of him. “You of all people should know I don’t have anything good in my life. And you go behind my back to put a tail on him? Why do you want to ruin this for me? Everything good and fuckin’ pure I’ve ever had was taken from me. You know this. And now you wanna take Sam? The only good thing in my life?”

“I’m not trying to take anything from you, dumbass,” said Steve. “I’m trying to protect you – and myself.”

“Sam’s not gonna ruin what we have, you stupid prick,” said Bucky. “He’s a decent person. He keeps to himself. He minds his business. He doesn’t know what I do. He –”

“Here,” said Steve, as he held out his phone. “You should’ve run some kind of background check, Buck. You got sloppy because of a pretty face and a hard dick. Look at this.”

Bucky unclenched his fist and took the device from Steve. He narrowed his eyes as he stared down at the screen in his hand.

“What – what’re you showin’ me? What am I lookin’ at?”

“Personnel file for one Samuel Thomas Wilson,” said Steve. “Agent of SHIELD.”

Bucky stared at the information. He felt as if all of the air had been forced from his lungs. He felt like he was suffocating. Felt like he was sinking. It was true. He had seen those files before when he was assigned to take out a SHIELD Agent. It was all there in front of him. Sam, _his _Sam was working for the enemy.

“He was probably sent to investigate _you_,” said Steve softly, seeing that Bucky was in quite a state. “Most likely a SHIELD honeypot. They probably planted him at that event to get your attention; pretty boy like that who’d bottom for you in a second. Your wet dream. He let you fuck that first night he met you, didn’t he? Was probably part of the plan: Get close to you, and then take you down. Take down our whole operation.”

Bucky remained silent as he felt tears well in his eyes. What Steve was saying was most likely true. It was probably all an act on Sam’s part. But how could he fake their chemistry, their attraction; that _pull_? How could he lie with Bucky, looking so soft and sweet, with the intention of taking him down? How? How could Bucky be so goddamn stupid?

“Just say the word, and I’ll end him –”

“No!” said Bucky abruptly, as he wiped at his eye. “I got this. There’s a car out front. Tony Stark is in the trunk.”

“Alive?”

“Yes. Take care of him.”

“Take him out?”

“No,” said Bucky as he turned to leave. “Take him to Urgent Care to get patched up and dump the car.”

“Where are you goin’?”

“To see Sam.”

xXxXx

“How well do you know this Rogers guy?” asked Nat as she and Sam sat at the small round table inside of the SHIELD safehouse.

“Met him once,” said Sam. “Offered to split a fucking Danish with him.”

“Why would he pay someone to put you under surveillance?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam. “He’s Bucky’s friend and business partner. Maybe he has a thing for him. Maybe he thought I was a gold digger. I don’t know. I don’t really know much about their relationship other than the fact that they did some shady security work back in the day. You gonna dig a little deeper?”

“I have to,” said Nat. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t? He’s ex-military, too. Has access to resources. He could be dangerous. You should stay away from Barnes until we know what his friend’s angle is with you.”

Sam nodded his head; he had already considered putting space between himself and Bucky. His mind was racing with possibilities. Steve seemed like a nice enough guy, but he was probably just as paranoid as Bucky. Sam was feeling confused. He was in an odd situation. He just wanted answers. Just then, his phone rang. He did not recognize the number, so answered tentatively.

“Hello?”

“Sam? It’s me Tony. Are you okay?”

“Tony, look I don’t have time right now.”

“Goddamn it, Wilson. Are you okay?”

“Yes, why? What’s wrong?”

“I think your fuckin’ boyfriend assaulted me.”

xXxXx

“So, tell me again, from the start,” said Sam as he sat in front of Tony in the kitchen at his residence.

“I got a message from you saying to meet at your place tonight,” Tony explained. “When I got there, the door was open and all of the lights were out. So, I walked inside, calling out to you, and then someone put a gun to my head.”

“Did you see who it was?”

“No.”

“Did they say anything?”

“No, nothing.”

“So, how do you know it was Bucky?”

“I just know,” said Tony. “He’s a bad person, Sam. You have to see that. Who else would have access to your phone? Who else would know you weren’t home?”

Sam considered what Tony was saying, and he was right. Bucky did have access to his phone. Bucky did know his house was empty. Bucky was gone at the time of the attack. It had to be him. He thought back to how angry Bucky was at Tony earlier in the day. Sam’s stomach sank as he let the realization settle in. Bucky had attacked Tony. Bucky _was_ dangerous.

Sam retrieved his phone to send a message to him, but saw that Bucky had reached out first. His message read: _We need to talk. Meet me at your place please._

xXxXx

The night was long. It was almost midnight by the time Sam arrived at his home. He saw Bucky sitting on the front step under the light. He had his head bowed and did not look up when Sam’s car came to a halt. Sam exited the vehicle, and placed his sidearm to the small of his back. He hated that he had to be so cautious around Bucky now. He didn’t want it to be true that his boyfriend had hurt Stark, but he knew it was.

“Barnes?” he said as he approached; Bucky lifted his gaze. His eyes looked tired and red in the dim light. His face was drained of color. His whole countenance was void of the usual affection that washed over him when he was in Sam’s presence. “Let’s go inside and talk.”

Bucky stood up and moved out of the way so that Sam could enter his home; he followed behind him. They made their way into the living room. They each stood staring at one another a beat before Sam broke the silence.

“I’m just gonna ask you straight because I don’t have time for bullshit,” said Sam. “Did you lure Tony Stark here, break into my house, put a gun to his head, and then pistol whip him?”

Bucky clenched his jaw, thought about lying, but then said, “Yes.”

Sam felt his heartrate quicken.

“Why? Why the hell would you do that? What’s wrong with you?”

“I just wanted to talk to him,” said Bucky. “I was sure he paid the PI to follow you. I just wanted to talk.”

“Do you usually take guns with you when you need to talk to someone?” said Sam. “Who does that? Were you gonna kill him? Here in my house? Were you gonna shoot him, Bucky? Is that what you were gonna do?”

Bucky didn’t answer. Didn’t have to. Sam could see it in his eyes that he would have if provoked.

“For fuck’s sake,” said Sam. “This is some psycho shit for real.”

“I thought he was gonna hurt you, baby –”

“Don’t do that,” said Sam. “Don’t try to talk sweet to me. You were gonna shoot him in my house. You texted him from my phone. What if you hit him harder than you did, uh? And he died? The authorities would have thought it was me? Were you _trying_ to set me up?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“You didn’t _think_ about what you were doing,” Sam said, raising his voice out of anger and frustration. “You could’ve killed Tony. You could’ve killed him and I would’ve been the one they blamed. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don’t even know who you are.”

“That’s fuckin’ rich comin’ from you, Wilson.”

Sam folded his arms over his chest.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Steve fuckin’ _told_ me you were hiding something,” said Bucky, stepping closer. “He knew it from meeting you one damn time. And I was too cockstruck by you to see it. You don’t work for the VA. You’re SHIELD.”

Sam’s face dropped in the slightest.

“Don’t even fuckin’ deny it,” said Bucky. “You were lying to me this whole time. Are you even a vet? Did you even serve? Had me sitting up with your fuckin’ friends not knowing what you really did. I bet you all had a good fuckin’ laugh about it later.”

“You’re such a dumbass,” said Sam. “I _have_ to keep what I do a secret. And lying about my work isn’t as bad as pistol whipping some dude because you’re a jealous asshole. You’re mad because I kept my secret job a secret?”

“Did they send you to investigate me?”

“What?”

“SHIELD. They sent you, didn’t they?”

“Why? What’re you into? You think SHIELD cares that you did some shady shit back in the day? Why would they send me for you?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. You’re a honeypot and I’m your mark. You had it all planned out at Stark’s party. Why the fuck else would you be suckin’ my dick five minutes after meeting me? Or are you really that much of a slut.”

Bucky regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Sam felt like he was kicked in the gut.

“Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my house.”

“Sam, I didn’t mean it,” said Bucky. “I –”

“Get the _fuck_ out of my house, Barnes,” said Sam as he felt the tears coming. “We’re done.”

“Sam, please,” said Bucky as tears filled his eyes. “We can work this out.”

Sam’s lip started to quiver, “No! Just go. Just leave me alone.”

Sam stepped forward and pushed Bucky’s chest. He stumbled backwards.

“Go!” said Sam, shoving him once more.

“Sammy, I’m sorry,” said Bucky.

“Sorry isn’t fucking good enough,” Sam spat. “Leave!”

“Please, Sammy,” said Bucky as his voice broke. “Don’t do this. I need you. I love you.”

“You don’t even fucking know me!” said Sam as tears rolled down his cheeks; he reached behind his back and took hold of his pistol. He didn’t raise it or point it at Bucky, he merely left it at his side before saying, “Please leave.”

Bucky closed his eyes as his tears fell from them. He inhaled a shaky breath, blinked, and then turned away and left. When he heard the door close, Sam slumped down to the floor and cried into his hand. Bucky walked until his feet could no longer carry him; he sat in a gutter until the early morning sunlight crept over the treetops and stung his face.

xXxXx

The gentle rapping on the bedroom door roused Sam from his patchy slumber. He cleared his throat and said, “Come in.”

The door creaked open and his sister Sarah stepped inside. She held a cup of coffee in her hand as she made her way over to the bed and sat down. After sitting up, Sam checked the clock on the bedside table of Sarah’s guestroom: It was almost lunchtime.

“Here,” she said. “Thought you might need this. How’d you sleep?”

“Like shit,” Sam replied as he took the drink from her before offering her thanks.

“You look like shit,” said Sarah. “Wanna talk about what happened last night? You were so shaken up.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Thank you for always havin’ my back. For letting me show up and puttin’ me up.”

“Always,” she replied with a warm smile.

“I broke up with Bucky last night,” said Sam, feeling the overwhelming urge to cry again.

“Oh, Sammy. I’m sorry to hear that,” said Sarah. “Are you okay?”

Sam shrugged and then said, “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

“What happened?”

Sam sighed loudly.

“We got into a huge fight,” Sam explained. “He’s got a problem with his anger and jealousy and –.”

“Sammy, did he put his hands on you?”

“No, nothin’ like that,” said supplied. “He’s never hit me. I’ve never worried about him hitting me, it’s just when he gets like that he doesn’t think straight. He did some stupid shit last night and got caught out.”

“Did he step out on you?”

“Nah, not that. He let his jealousy get the best of him and – and he beat up some guy I know from work because he’s certain the other guy is obsessed with me.”

“Shit,” said Sarah. “Is your workmate okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” said Sam. “But I confronted Bucky about it, and he admitted to beating him up to protect me. Just like he fucked Scott up. I get it, in a way. He wants to have my back, but he takes it too far. Violence is his go-to response for every damn thing that pisses him off.”

“Wow. Is your friend gonna press charges?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam. “I checked on him last night, and he didn’t mention that he was. He was more worried about my safety. And I don’t want Bucky to get in trouble.”

“He’s a rich White guy,” said Sarah. “How much trouble could he _possibly_ get in?”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Yeah, that’s true. I just – I _care_ about his stupid ass, but I had to call it. I had to.”

“Hey, you don’t have to explain it to me.”

“I don’t think bein’ with me was good for him, either,” said Sam. “I don’t think I made him happy.”

“Your job isn’t to make him happy, Sammy. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’ve been lying to him about what I do for work.”

“Your work depends on you not broadcasting what you do.”

“I know, but he took it really hard,” said Sam. “And I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“You’re too good of a person.”

“Then why do I feel so shitty?”

“You care about his stupid ass,” Sarah replied. “That’s who you are. You’ve got a big, beautiful heart and you always see the best in people. But you’ve gotta put yourself first, Sammy. You have to.”

“He said he loved me for the first time,” said Sam, trying to fight off the tears.

“Yeah, and he probably does. Everyone who meets you falls for you,” said Sarah. “But I don’t think sayin’ it in the middle of an argument counts.”

Sam nodded his head.

“Do you love him?” Sarah asked suddenly.

Sam blinked rapidly a moment and then shrugged.

“I don’t even know him,” Sam admitted. “How can I love him?”

“That’s not for me to say,” she offered. “Just make sure you love yourself more, okay?”

Sam considered his sister’s words carefully. After everything that had happened the previous day and night, he really didn’t want to hurt Bucky, but he knew that they were over for good. All he needed to do now was to stop the dull, persistent aching in his chest.

xXxXx

The sunlight that crept through Bucky’s bedroom window felt like it was searing his skin. He rolled over in bed and covered his head with his tear-stained pillow. He laid that way for a moment before groaning and reaching for his phone. There were no messages from Sam. No responses to his apologetic messages. No returned calls. Nothing. Sam wasn’t his anymore and it hurt him to his core. His heart actually felt like someone a pierced it with a dull blade. His head hurt; his eyes were still sore. He felt like shit and he deserved it.

It was close to lunchtime and no police had come for him. Stark must not have gone to them; Sam must not have reported him. _Sam. _Just the thought of him caused Bucky’s chest to tighten and his breath to fail. He’d fucked it all up. He’d let his jealousy and rage get the better of him. Did he even _care_ that Sam was a SHIELD Agent? No, he didn’t. He _still_ loved him.

Bucky sent him another message, which read: _I’m sorry about what I did and said. Can we please talk about it? I miss you baby. I’m sorry for everything. I need you Sammy. Please. When you’re ready. Can we just talk about it? I love you. I should’ve said it sooner. I’m so sorry sweet baby._

Bucky stared at his lock screen at the picture of him and Sam as he choked back the tears once more.

…..

Sam got out of the shower and went back into the guest bedroom. He checked his phone for the first time since he showed up at his sister’s place. There were seventeen notifications indicating that he had messages, both text and voicemail, as well as a number of missed calls. He sighed loudly and opened the messages. They were all from Bucky. He read the last one that had only just come through. He had to be strong. He had to commit to this break-up, even though he was hurting. It was what was best. Sam took a deep breath, deleted the entire thread, and then blocked Bucky’s number.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Suicide ideation (suicidal thoughts)

It was late afternoon when Misty Knight approached Bucky’s residence. The security camera caught her approach his front door. He watched her from the monitor in his armory. Cleaning his guns always made him feel calm. After spending most of the day in bed heartbroken at the fact that Sam had blocked his number, he thought he should at least do something other than cry and feel sorry for himself.

Bucky contemplated not answering the door at all when Misty rang the doorbell. He knew why she was there: Sam or Stark had made a report to the police. It was most likely Sam. He was the one who knew for certain what had happened. He wanted nothing more to do with Bucky, and Bucky could not blame him.

He sighed loudly, placed his weapon on the table, and then got up to answer the door. Misty looked at him with a stern expression when he greeted her.

“Detective Knight,” said Bucky with his jaw clenched.

“Sergeant Barnes,” she answered. “You look like shit.”

“What d’ya need?” asked Bucky, already exhausted with their interaction. He wasn’t going to be overtly rude to Sam’s ex, but he wasn’t going to make nice with her either.

“I needed to ask you a few questions about an incident last night involving Tony Stark,” she explained. “Can I come in?”

Bucky hesitated a moment, so Misty pressed, “Or we can go down to the station.”

He stepped aside and let her inside. He led her to the living room and offered her a seat on the sofa where he had made love to Sam not too long ago.

“Nice place you got here, Barnes,” Misty said as she took in her surroundings, making sure to take note of any exits.

“Yeah, thanks,” he replied.

“You must do very well.”

“I do okay.”

“Hmm,” she supplied. “So, Tony Stark was lured to Sam’s place last night where he was attacked and abducted.”

“Is Sam okay?” asked Bucky, pretending to refer to ignorance pertaining to the case, but really wanting to know how he was, if Misty had spoken to him.

“He’s fine,” she replied. “He wasn’t home when it happened. But neither were you.”

“Am I a suspect?”

“Yes,” said Misty. “Mr. Stark said he believed it was _you_ who assaulted him.”

“I was with Sam last night.”

“According to Sam, you weren’t with him _all_ night,” said Misty. Damn it. She had spoken to Sam. However, it seemed that Sam had not admitted what Bucky had told him. He was reluctant to say much else considering he did not know what Sam had said.

“I had to work,” said Bucky.

“Yep, Sam mentioned that,” she said. “Is there anyone who can corroborate your story?”

“My colleague, Steve Rogers,” said Bucky, knowing Steve would do that for him even though Bucky had decked him and sat him on his ass.

“And you were with him from seven-thirty to nine o’clock?”

“That’s sounds about right,” said Bucky. “I wasn’t really watchin’ the clock.”

“What is it that you and Rogers do?”

“We own a business,” said Bucky. “Tactical gear.”

“And you usually have to go to work late?”

“When you own the company, you do,” said Bucky, getting the distinct feeling she was fishing for something else. “Was that all you needed?”

She offered him a dry smile and said, “Yeah, I think that’s it.”

She stood up, and so did Bucky.

“I’ll be in touch,” she said.

Bucky nodded his head and led her to the door. He held it open for Misty as she stepped outside.

“Stark’s okay, by the way,” she said.

“Okay,” said Bucky.

“You didn’t ask if he was,” said Misty. “When I said that he was attacked, you didn’t ask if he was okay.”

Bucky merely shrugged.

“Guys like Stark are always okay,” said Bucky as he went to close the door.

“Oh, and I’m sorry to hear about you and Sammy,” she said, causing Bucky to freeze. “He’s a great guy. Too bad it didn’t work out between the two of you.”

Bucky felt the lump rising in his throat again.

“Yeah,” he croaked. “I’m sorry, too.”

xXxXx

Sam curled up on the sofa at his sister’s house and watched trash TV. He ate Easy Cheese straight from the can. When Sarah came home after her shift, she was a little surprised to see Sam was still there. He had finally told her the full story of what happened with Bucky and Tony.

“Hey, they’re still not letting you go home?”

“Nah,” said Sam as he sat up and made room for Sarah to sit. “Tony made a lot of donations to MPD this year; Misty said they’re being thorough. I hope they don’t mess my shit up. Did you know after they search a house or whatever, they’re not even obligated to put it back how it was? They could be there right now going through my stuff, putting it outta place. Then I have to go home and clean it all up. This is bullshit.”

“Sammy,” said Sarah as she placed a hand to his shoulder. “How you holdin’ up?”

“I’m tired, Sar,” he replied. “I’m exhausted. I’m used to my work life being hectic, but my personal life was always quiet. This – this whole thing with Tony, and then breaking up with Bucky, it’s all too much. I don’t know what to do.”

“Take a break,” said Sarah. “Do what you’re doin’ now. Laid up on my couch eating shitty food. You don’t have to deal with any of it right now. You don’t even have to go home if you don’t want to. Stay here with me for as long as you need to. And none of this is your fault. It’s Bucky’s fault. I wish you’d have told Misty that he did it.”

Sam let out a loud sigh, “I know; I know. I just – I don’t want to get him into trouble.”

“Are you afraid of him, Sammy? Do you think he’s gonna hurt you if you give him up?”

“No. I don’t know,” said Sam. “I don’t think he will, but how can I even be sure? I’m so confused right now. And I don’t have the luxury of confusion because I still have to get back to work.”

“Can’t you take some personal time?”

“Nah, not at this point,” said Sam. “I’ve got a huge assignment comin’ up. I have to be prepared. I can’t have my focus split worrying about these damn dumbass White boys. I gotta get on with it.”

Sarah nodded her head, “I hear you. So, how about, just for now, you take some time? I’ll get us some more junk food and let’s watch movies until we pass out. How does that sound?”

Sam offered his sister a warm, grateful smile, and then said, “Sounds perfect.”

xXxXx

Bucky kept his dark sunglasses on even though his windows were tinted black as he drove by Sam’s place. It looked like the police were still there. He felt another pang of guilt as he thought about how this whole situation was affecting Sam. He knew Sam didn’t like things out of place in his home, and now, because of Bucky’s irrational, illegal actions, police were trudging through Sam’s house.

He sighed and felt his headache setting in. He was such a fuck up. He ruined the best thing in his life. He pushed Sam away. Goodness only knew how terrified Sam must be; how _hurt_ he would be feeling. Bucky felt the regret swirl like bile in his stomach. There was no way he could ever make it up to Sam. How could he? He swore he’d never hurt his Sammy, yet he had, with both his actions and his words. He should just let him go; he was no good for Sam. He never would be.

…..

“I got your back, Buck,” said Steve as they sat side-by-side by the pool at Bucky’s home.

“I know,” said Bucky, as he down his beer. “I’m lucky to have you. Thank you.”

Steve nodded his head and then placed his hand to Bucky’s leg.

“Don’t have to thank me. It’s always gonna be me and you. Always.”

“I’m sorry for bein’ so fuckin’ stupid lately,” said Bucky. “I’m sorry for putting our whole operation in jeopardy. You were right. I got in too deep with Sam.”

Bucky swallowed hard as if it hurt him physically to speak Sam’s name.

“I wasn’t seein’ straight,” he continued. “I should’ve listened to you. I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

“Shhh,” said Steve as he brought his hand up to cup Bucky’s face. “It’s okay.”

Steve took the opportunity to lean in and press a kiss to Bucky’s lips. He placed his hand to the back of Bucky’s head and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. When Bucky realized what was happening, he pulled away from Steve and stood up.

“I can’t,” said Bucky, as he backed away. “I can’t do this with you.”

“Buck,” Steve called out after him.

“I’m not doin’ this with you,” said Bucky as he stepped inside of his back door. “I can’t.”

xXxXx

A week had passed, and while Sam was not feeling great, he was feeling good enough to return to work. He and Nat walked to the briefing room together in silence. No one knew what was going on with him personally, but they had heard the rumors about Stark and someone linked to Sam. Sharon reminded them in their morning update meeting to not let personal issues distract them from their work. She proceeded to update the team on a few new developments.

“Members of the Armenian mafia have arrived here in DC,” said Sharon, gesturing to the screen in front of them. “We’ve been monitoring the dark web, and chatter suggests that they’re Stateside because one of their high-ranking members was assassinated in Germany recently.”

She pressed a button and the screen changed to show photos of the carnage.

“This was in Weimar. We’re unsure of if the Armenians were the targets, or if it was the Germans. The hit has been linked to an American team. That’s all we know so far. Our covert operatives are following up leads. Romanoff, we want you on this case. Wilson, you’ll stay on the Wakandan case.”

Sam nodded his head. He took note of the date of the hits and could not help but notice they had occurred at the same time that Bucky was in Weimar for work. Something about that knowledge unsettled him.

“What do you need me to do?” asked Nat.

“Tail the Armenians while they’re here,” said Sharon. “Do not engage. If they are here to send a message to the contract killers, we want to know who they are.”

“Any developments for the Wakandan case?” Sam asked, wanting to throw himself into his work so that he didn’t think about Bucky Barnes.

“N’Jadaka’s itinerary should arrive later today, or tomorrow at the latest,” said Sharon. “Once we have it, you can start working on your security plan. Okay, people. That’s it for now. Thanks.”

“You should run facial recognition,” said Sam. “See if CCTV picked up Barnes or Rogers anywhere near the crime scene.”

“Sam?”

“Bucky was there in Weimar when the hit happened,” said Sam.

“You think he had something to do with it?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam. “But, something he said to me while were arguing didn’t make sense then, but got me thinkin’ now. When he found out that I worked for SHIELD, he accused me of coming for him.”

“Interesting,” said Nat. “So, he’s still into shady shit?”

“Maybe,” said Sam. “Maybe I’m projecting shit because I’m fuckin’ pissed at him still. But I just can’t shake that feeling that he’s somehow connected to something.”

Nat nodded her head.

“What if I find out that he _is_ connected, what then?”

“Then we build a case and arrest him,” said Sam flatly.

“And you’re good with that?” asked Nat. “I know how much you care about him.”

“I have to be good with it,” said Sam. “Even if I _am_ still in love with him.”

xXxXx

The ringing of the doorbell shot through Bucky’s head. He had woken with another hangover as he groaned and rolled off of the sofa where he had passed out the night before. Actually, he had begun to not sleep in his bed. His sheets still smelled of his Sammy and he could not handle it. He could not handle how empty his bed was; how empty his life was without Sam. The half empty bottle of whiskey sat on the coffee table next to the empty one, a reminder that he had, once again, tried to drink his pain away.

He staggered toward the front door. Somewhere, inside of his fuzzy mind, he had hoped it would be his Sammy coming to give him another chance. That’s what he dreamed of. Sam showing up and forgiving him; Sam at least having a conversation with him so that he could offer a proper, sincere apology. But his Sammy never came; Sammy wasn’t _his_ anymore, and Bucky could not fault him for it. This was all Bucky’s doing; this was all his fault. He deserved the headache and the taste of shit that settled inside of his dry mouth. He deserved a lot worse.

As he looked through the peephole, he saw that it was Steve, not Sam. He let out a loud sigh, and then opened the door.

“What d’ya want, Rogers?” he asked, before walking back into the living room; Steve followed.

“I’m checkin’ on you, Buck,” he proffered as he took in the surrounds; the usually clean, almost clinical space was a mess. There was a sheet on the sofa; a pillow on the floor; discarded take-out containers; and empty booze bottles. “Shit, is this how you’re gonna live now?”

Bucky flopped down on the sofa and reached for the half bottle of whiskey. He undid the lid and then took a mouthful from the bottle, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, before glancing at his friend and saying, “Yep.”

Steve went to take the bottle from him, Bucky snatched it away and said, “Piss off, Rogers.”

“You’re a damn mess, Barnes,” said Steve.

“Yeah, well, takes one to know one.”

Steve sat down beside his best friend.

“Come, on, Buck,” he said gently. “This is no way to be livin’.”

“I don’t want to live if I can’t have Sam,” said Bucky, taking another drink.

“Don’t say that,” said Steve, terrified that he was going to do something to hurt himself.

“You don’t get it, Stevie,” said Bucky as the tears filled his eyes again. “You’ve never loved anyone. When I was with Sam, everything felt good because he’s _so good_. Do you know what that feels like? He’s like – he’s this great guy and just bein’ near him made me wanna do better. I just wanted to make him happy. I just wanted to be near him, always. But I’m not good enough for him. I fucked it all up. So, what’s the point of anything?”

“I’m sorry.”

Bucky snorted and then laughed, “No, you’re not. Because you’re a piece of shit just like I am. We belong together. All we do is destroy things and hurt people and turn everything to shit. We deserve each other.”

Bucky put the bottle down and started to undo his zip.

“Come on, Stevie,” he said as he reached into his pants and grabbed himself. “Let me fuck you. We’re both fucked, so we may as well be fuckin’ each other.”

“Don’t, Buck,” said Steve as he stood up. “You don’t want this.”

“You fuckin’ wanted it the other day, Rogers,” Bucky slurred, though he removed his hand to reach for the bottle again. He took another gulp, before Steve grabbed it from him; Bucky didn’t even protest. He just sat with his head in his hands.

“You’re a mess, Barnes,” said Steve. “And we’ve got work to do.”

“Fuck work,” said Bucky as the tears stung his eyes. “Fuck everything.”

“The guy who can link us to the Weimar hit, I’ve flushed him out,” said Steve. “Was on my way to question him now. Could use your help.”

“I’m no help to anyone,” said Bucky without lifting his gaze. 

“You need to stop feelin’ sorry for yourself and get your ass up.”

“You need to mind your own damn business,” said Bucky.

Steve sighed, “Buck, please.”

“Just go, Stevie,” said Bucky, as he laid back down on the sofa, draping his arm over his eyes.

Steve’s burner vibrated in his pocket. He retrieved it, checked the message, and exhaled loudly.

“Damn it,” he said. “Bucky, hey. Hey.”

“What?” Bucky replied though he stayed in the same position.

“My contact just told me the Armenians have arrived,” said Steve. “I gotta get to the customer before they do. If they find out it was us, we’re dead.”

“Well, I hope they find us, then,” said Bucky, as he yawned. “Because I deserve to be dead.”

xXxXx

Sam didn’t get home until way after nine o’clock. He stayed back late, and then went to get some groceries. As he pulled into his driveway, he noticed an unfamiliar car parked on the street. Cautiously, he exited his vehicle, and placed his pistol to the small of his back.

As he moved to unload his groceries, he saw someone get out of the mysterious car and walk to toward him. He placed his hand on his gun and waited. He grasped the gun in his hand when he saw who it was.

“What the hell do you want, man?” asked Sam.

“I just wanna talk,” said Steve, noticing the pistol in Sam’s hand.

“I got nothin’ to say to you.”

“Please, just two minutes and you’ll never see me again,” said Steve. “It’s about Bucky.”

“What about him?”

“Can you just give him a call, or go and see him?”

“Why would I do that?” asked Sam. “We broke up.”

“Yeah, and it’s hurting him,” said Steve.

Sam rolled his eyes.

“You know what? You’re a real piece of shit,” said Sam. “You’re the one who put a tail on me. You told him I was SHIELD. You’re the one who hurt him.”

“And I’m sorry I did that, but Bucky made his own choices,” said Steve. “And now, he’s choosing to die.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m worried about him, Wilson,” said Steve. “I’ve never seen him like this before, not even when his parents died. He’s a mess. I’m worried he’s gonna hurt himself.”

“That’s not fair to put this on me,” said Sam, even though his heart was clenching in his chest. “I’m not here to give him his serotonin. I’m not here to make _him_ feel good. I’m not here to give him a band-aid and kiss his boo-boos. He’s a grown ass man. He needs to get help for his issues.”

“You didn’t even talk to him after everything happened.”

“Yeah, because we’re done,” said Sam, raising his voice. “That means you cut the other person off.”

“You never even let him try to explain,” said Steve. “If you’d let him explain, he’d be able to move on.”

“I don’t owe him anything,” said Sam, though he was considering what Rogers was saying.

“You’re right, you don’t,” said Steve. “But I do, and I can’t see him go down this spiral, so I’m begging you, please talk to him; let him explain himself, and get some closure. Please.”

xXxXx

Instead of going on his run, Sam decided to go to Bucky’s place. He was still debating on whether or not it was a good idea as his car stopped out the front of the large house. He had no idea if Bucky would answer the door. From what Steve Rogers had said, he wasn’t in a good way. Maybe he wouldn’t even be home. Sam could deal with that. He made his way up the paved walkway and stepped up to the door. After taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell and waited.

_Nothing. _

He rang again, then placed his hands into his pockets. Still, nothing. Sam rolled his eyes, and then proceeded back down the path to his car. Before he reached the end of the walkway, he heard a voice call to him.

“Sam?”

He stopped dead in his tracks, and then turned around to see Bucky standing in the doorway. He looked like hell. His skin was pale and there were dark circles around his red eyes. Dark hair had started to cover his chin and cheeks, and his tresses were slightly longer and messy.

“Sammy, baby, what’re you – what’re you doin’ here?” asked Bucky somewhat unsteadily. “You came back to me, dollface?”

Sam sighed and then cleared his throat, “I came to talk, Barnes. That’s all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Questions? Comments?
> 
> Happy 2020!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Bucky come to an understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and sad.

Their greeting was short and awkward. Once Sam was let into Bucky’s place, the owner of the house immediately proffered apologies as they stepped into the living room.

“I’m so sorry. For using your phone without your permission; for breaking into your house; for hurting your friend; for callin’ you a slut; for everything,” said Bucky as he stepped forward. Sam recoiled and stepped back.

“Seriously, Barnes?” said Sam as he took in the state of the living room, and of Bucky. “Go brush your fuckin’ teeth and wash your raggedy ass. You’re a goddamn mess.”

Bucky ran his hand over the back of his head and looked kind of sheepish.

“Go,” said Sam, sternly. “I’m not having any kind of conversation with you until you get cleaned up, now go.”

Bucky sighed and then said, “Okay. Please, just wait right here until I’m done. Please.”

Sam nodded and watched as Bucky left to go and shower. He sighed when he looked at the living room. It was a mess like the owner. Steve Rogers was right; Bucky was not doing well. Sam went to the kitchen to get a trash bag, some disinfectant, and a cloth. He returned to the living room and started to tidy up, placing all of the empty booze bottles and take-out containers into the bag, before spraying and wiping the surface of the coffee table. He removed the sheet from the sofa and folded it neatly before placing it and the pillow to the armrest of the recliner. Then, he opened the blinds to let some sunlight in before taking the trash bag to the kitchen.

As he walked back into the living room, Bucky returned, freshly showered. He was bare-chested, wearing only shorts, and had a towel pressed to his head to dry his still damp hair. Rivulets of water ran down his firm, muscular form and Sam could not help but eye him.

_Damn him_, Sam thought as his gaze wandered all over Bucky’s body. Sam was still very much physically attracted to him, there was no denying that, but he had come to talk, and he was not going to let Barnes distract him. He just wasn’t, he promised himself feebly, as Bucky tossed the towel to the sofa and stepped toward Sam. He closed the distance between them and dropped his head. Sam could smell the cleanliness of the expensive soap on his body. He swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry for what I said and did,” said Bucky, as he leaned in closer to Sam. The apology was low and remorseful. He reached his hands over and took hold of the hem of Sam’s shirt and stepped closer. “I’m so sorry, Sammy.”

He then slid his arms around Sam’s waist and dipped his head to Sam’s ear, before whispering, “I missed you like crazy, my beautiful boy.”

Sam had lost his train of thought when Bucky pressed his lips to Sam’s neck and nuzzled him there. When Bucky kissed Sam’s smooth skin, Sam lost all of his good sense. He didn’t inch away like he should have, instead, he tilted his head to the side to afford Bucky better access. The pull between them was too strong. Sam was ignoring his better judgement when Bucky sucked and kissed his collarbone and rubbed him through his jogging shorts.

“Let me show you how sorry I am,” Bucky panted as he slipped his hand into Sam’s shorts. He was pleased to find that Sam was growing hard. He took hold of his shaft and began to stroke him as he continued kissing his neck and collarbone. Sam was like putty in his hands. He melted into Bucky’s touch. The conversation he had practiced in his head on the way over had slipped from his mind with each deft stroke that Bucky applied to his now fully erect cock.

“Fuck,” said Sam as his eyes rolled shut. Bucky held him closer as he stroked him harder. “Wait, wait.”

Bucky stopped his movements.

“Tell me what you want, baby doll,” said Bucky between kisses to Sam’s neck.

“Goddamn it, Barnes,” said Sam, annoyed at himself for being so weak. “I hate that you do this to me.”

Bucky kissed him again and said, “Tell me what you want.”

Sam conceded defeat and then said, “I wanna ride you.”

Bucky smiled and then walked backwards, pulling Sam with him. He pulled his shorts down and sat bare assed on the sofa. Sam stepped out of his own shorts and pulled his shirt over his head before straddling Bucky’s lap. They shared an urgent kiss as Bucky grabbed hold of Sam’s perfect ass. Sam took hold of Bucky’s big, thick cock and strummed it.

“God, I missed you, Sammy,” said Bucky as he bit into Sam’s shoulder. Sam jerked him harder and faster. Their touches were frantic and almost wild. Sam rolled his hips against Bucky and whimpered. He needed him so badly.

“Hurry up and fuck me, Barnes,” he pleaded.

“Let me get something first, baby,” said Bucky.

“Just fuckin’ spit on it,” said Sam. “I don’t care if it hurts. Everything else hurts, so who gives a damn?”

That caused Bucky to stop and look at his Sammy; that struck him somewhere in his core. He really had caused him pain.

“_Baby_ –”

“Just fuck me, you asshole,” said Sam, as he continued to stroke his dick. “Just fuck me.”

Bucky felt his heart sink as he moved Sam’s hand from his cock, spat on his own hand, and rubbed it down his shaft. He repeated the action a few more times before Sam grew impatient and shifted into position. Bucky held Sam close as Sam inched down onto his stiffness.

“Ahhh, shit, _shit_,” said Sam as he took Bucky’s entire length.

It stung, but Sam didn’t care. He knew Bucky wasn’t going to enjoy it if his lover was in discomfort; Sam was doing it to spite him. Bucky didn’t move or thrust, he just sat there and let Sam take what he needed; he only moved when he lifted his hand to brush a tear from the corner of Sam’s eye with his thumb.

xXxXx

The towel that Bucky used to dry his hair was not nearly as effective when it was time to clean Sam’s come from his chest. He did the best he could as he watched Sam get dressed silently. He finished up and then reached for Sam’s arm.

“Don’t,” said Sam as he pulled away. “What just happened, it doesn’t change anything between us.”

Bucky felt his head begin to ache.

“I thought –”

“You thought wrong,” said Sam. “I only came here to talk. This – this shouldn’t have happened. It was stupid. I’m sorry.”

“I love you,” said Bucky solemnly.

“And I care about you, too,” said Sam as tears filled his eyes. “But us? This? It’s not gonna work.”

“Tell me what to do, Sammy. Tell how to make it work. Just say it, and I’ll do it. I’ll do _anything_ for you.”

“And that’s the problem, Buck,” said Sam as he turned to look at him. “You _would_ do anything. You’d hurt people for me. Or worse. And I can’t have you doin’ that for me. I can’t have that on my conscience. What happened with Tony –”

“That was a misunderstanding,” said Bucky. “I really thought he was trying to get to you.”

“Then you _talk_ to me about it,” said Sam. “We figure it out _together._ You don’t fuckin’ lure him somewhere and hit him over the head. Do you understand that _that_ was the wrong thing to do? That it wasn’t how you handle a situation?”

Bucky sighed and nodded his head.

“I understand,” said Bucky. “I got a problem with my anger.”

“Violence and anger cannot be your go-to reaction for everything,” said Sam. “That shit is scary. You’re scary when you get like that –”

“I don’t want you to ever be scared of me, Sammy,” said Bucky softly.

“Well, you _did_ scare me, Buck, and I deserve better than that. I’m not used to this in my personal life,” Sam explained. “Sure, with work it’s a given, but I keep my personal life drama-free; I play it safe. Which is one reason why _nothing_ ever happened between me and Stark. With you, it was so exciting and different, but then your temper and jealousy ruined everything.”

“I know,” said Bucky sadly. “I know, and I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t mean a _damn_ thing if you keep doin’ the same shit, Buck.”

“Tell me what I need to do to get you back, Sammy,” Bucky pleaded. Sam didn’t even realize they were holding hands.

“Don’t do it for me,” said Sam. “Do it for yourself. You’re obviously unhappy with certain parts of your life and who you are. You need to get help for your anger issues. That’s where you start.”

Bucky nodded his head as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Go down to the VA,” said Sam. “Check out one of the groups they have. _Talk_ to someone. I know you spent a long time serving, and it isn’t easy to fall back into civilian life. You should work through those issues first, and other things will start to work out for you.”

“And what about us?” asked Bucky. “How do we work this out?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam with a sad smile as he gave Bucky’s hand a squeeze and blinked back his tears. “Maybe we’re just not meant to. Maybe what we had was all we were _ever _gonna have_._”

Bucky let out a distinctly loud, pained groan as if someone had punched him in the stomach as he covered his eyes with his free hand. He wiped his tears down his face and let out a shaky breath.

“Did you even love me, Wilson?” Bucky asked as he tried to hold back a sob.

Sam shifted, and then drew him into a hug, before pressing a soft kiss to his head and saying, “I _still_ love you, dumbass. That’s why I want you to get help.”

They stayed like that, holding one another and mourning what they had lost: The chance to be together and be happy. Both accepting what it meant for them. As Sam stood to leave, his hand still in Bucky’s, he gave him a gentle, plaintive smile and said, “Take care of yourself, Bucky. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

Bucky wiped the snot and tears from his face, and smiled weakly at Sam, before saying, “Goodbye, baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter sees some much needed action. 
> 
> Preview:
> 
> As soon as Steve said Sam’s name, Bucky saw red. He saw nothing but hot, red rage. He grabbed hold of Steve’s collar and shoved him up against the wall.
> 
> “Stay the fuck away from him, Rogers,” said Bucky in a low, stern voice. “I mean it. You stay away from him.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your readership and support, particularly those who have been reblogging my work on Tumblr and leaving feedback here. You encourage me to keep posting updates. Let’s check-in. Our fave Agent and assassin have really gone their separate ways; this picks up later that same day and then progresses. Enjoy.

“Where the hell have you been, Wilson?” asked Nat as she wheeled her chair away from her desk to eye her friend.

After leaving Bucky’s place, Sam went home and showered before going to work. He was feeling good about his decision to remain broken up with Barnes; sad, but good. He would not cry anymore that day.

“Following a lead,” said Sam, as he took up a seat atop her desk. “Did you do that thing I asked you ‘bout?”

Nat looked up at Sam and nodded her head.

“Let’s take a walk and I’ll fill you in.”

…..

“You love the records room, don’t ya?” asked Sam, knowing the answer was yes.

“It’s quiet down here,” said Nat as she pulled out a chair and sat; Sam followed suit.

Nat retrieved her phone, and then brought up a file.

“What’d you find out?” Sam queried.

“Not a whole lot,” Nat replied. “Barnes and Rogers served together with SFOD-D.”

“Delta Force?” Sam asked, slightly surprised.

“Yeah,” Nat replied. “G Squadron.”

“Covert ops,” said Sam. “Classified shit.”

“That’s right,” said Nat. “So, you can see why I’m finding it hard to get much info on them. They were ghosts when they were serving, and that hasn’t changed now.”

“Shit,” said Sam, suddenly thinking about the types of things Bucky would have seen and done as a Delta Force covert operative. He was shaken from his uneasy thoughts by Nat’s voice as she continued to speak.

“Seems like they came home around the same time. That’s where it gets a little patchy.”

“Patchy? How?”

“Well, it looks like they actually _did_ go into the private security business not long after they got out, but not as owners of a security company,” Nat explained. “Seems like they were working as security and mercenaries for some shady characters. Warlords; drug lords. Corrupt politicians and gangsters. The whole lot.”

“Where?”

“All over,” said Nat. “They were contracted in Russia; Central America; the Balkans; DRC. They went where the money was good.”

“So, what’re your thoughts on their line of work now?”

“Their company? I’m thinking it’s a front.”

“Yeah, no shit,” said Sam feeling overwhelmed.

“I just don’t know what it’s a front for because I don’t have access to their offshore accounts. The one I traced back to Rogers was his own personal account.”

“He was hiding the fact that he paid someone to follow me,” said Sam. “He was hiding it from Barnes. That’s why he used it instead of their business account.”

“Exactly,” said Nat.

“But that doesn’t explain anything else about the shit they’re into,” said Sam.

“They’re both rich, Sam,” said Nat. “If I had to guess, I’d say arms trafficking. But we know all the players, and their names don’t even register with the usual suspects. Whatever it is, they’ve done well to keep it on the low.”

“What about contract killing?” asked Sam, feeling a disquiet settling into his stomach.

“Plausible,” said Nat. “Though the going rate for a hit these days is around twenty grand.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at her.

“Hey, it helps me do my job better knowing this shit,” she offered.

“So, you’re sayin’ they’ve got too much money to be hitmen?”

“Not necessarily. If they hit mostly high-profile targets, they could amass that much wealth over time.”

“What, like politicians?”

“Sure,” said Nat. “And heads of state; _royalty_.”

Sam raised his eyebrows.

“Or, they could be contract killers who killed like _a lot_ of people,” she added.

It was all still conjecture, and maybe he wanted Bucky to be a bad guy, deep down. That way he would be justified in calling it off between them; that way he could tell himself to stay away. Whatever it was, Sam had his hunch and he needed to trust it. There was something off with Bucky, something that went further than his rage, paranoia, and jealousy. Sam knew it when he first met him; he knew there was a dangerousness that surrounded him. That was part of what attracted Sam to him.

“You want me to keep digging?” asked Nat.

“If you find a lead, then yeah,” said Sam. “I appreciate this, Nat.”

“Hey,” she said. “If I do find something, you know you’re not to blame for any of it, right? If Barnes turns out to be this serial killer or something, it’s not your fault that you didn’t see it earlier.”

“I know,” said Sam. “It’s just, how do I reconcile the fact that I was seein’ someone who _might_ be the exact type of someone we would normally arrest? Was I so dick-mad that I didn’t want to see the signs? Or am I just stupid?”

“Don’t do that, Sammy,” said Nat, as she placed a hand to his arm. “Don’t go beating yourself up over what-ifs. That’s all this is right now, a what-if. We have no solid evidence, we’re just doin’ a little digging, and we may not find anything. He may not be into illegal shit. He might just be an intense, jealous, asshole. But whatever he is, and whatever he is into, has nothing to do with you, okay?”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Okay.”

Just then, Sam’s phone rang. He saw that it was Sharon and answered right away.

“Hey?”

“Sam, I need to see you in my office as soon as you can,” said Sharon.

“Of course,” he replied. “Give me ten minutes and I’ll be there.”

“Alright, see you in ten,” she said before ending the call.

…..

When Sam stepped into Sharon’s office, she gestured for him to shut the door. He obliged, and then took up a seat at her desk.

“We’re moving forward with your assignment,” she said.

Sam nodded and asked, “Where do you need me?”

“Need you on-site for recon,” she supplied. “N’Jadaka’s itinerary was sent through to us via a secure channel. Me, you, and Fury are the only ones Stateside who’ve seen it. I need you to scout the sites, check and secure vantage points; identify escape routes. You know the drill.”

“Copy that,” said Sam.

“Have you got your device?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Guard this with your life,” said Sharon as she typed something onto her tablet to transfer the information to Sam.

xXxXx

The meeting room was plain and unadorned; rows of fold away chairs lined the hardwood floor. The smell of instant coffee filled the space, and people milled about waiting for the session to start. It was Bucky’s second group session at the VA. After it had finished, he was scheduled to have a one-on-one with one of the counselors. He finished off his coffee, checked the time on his phone, and then made his way to the waiting area. He sat on the comfortable chair for around three minutes before the door opened and a kind-faced, short-haired woman asked him to come in and gestured toward the sofa.

“I’m Carol Danvers,” she said, as they both shook hands. “You prefer James or Bucky?”

“Bucky,” he said, as his gaze darted about. He took a seat and a deep breath. “I’m not too sure what I’m supposed to do or say here.”

“Just talk to me,” she said with a small, encouraging smile. “Maybe start with why you decided to come here.”

Bucky nodded his head and then clasped his hands together before he began to speak.

“Well,” he started. “I got issues, just like everyone else.”

Danvers nodded her head and continued to listen.

“And a little over a week ago, I hurt someone I care about because of my issues. I never dealt with them after I got home, I guess, and I just threw myself into my work. I didn’t even realize all of the shit that I brought back with me was affecting the way I was acting.”

“Where’d you serve?” Danvers asked.

“All over,” said Bucky. “The Balkans and DRC, mainly.”

“Army, right?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, shifting in his seat. It was easy for him to sit with Sam’s friends and family and tell lies about what he did; facing what he did and how it impacted on him was a different story, but he was going to try. “JSOC Task Force Green.”

“Don’t get too many Delta Force vets in here,” she proffered truthfully.

“Yeah, I believe that,” said Bucky. “We ain’t the most talkative bunch.”

“Exactly.”

“Not like we could talk much about the shit we did and saw,” said Bucky, surprising himself at how open he was being. Maybe it was the lack of judgement in the room or feeling like a weight was slowly being lifted from him, but he kept talking. “Still can’t talk too much since a lot of those missions are _still_ classified. I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’m so paranoid right now. Plus, I keep secrets. Like, a shitload of secrets.”

“From colleagues and friends?”

“I don’t have friends,” said Bucky honestly. “It’s easier to _not _get close to people.”

“That must get lonely,” said Danvers.

“Yeah,” said Bucky plaintively. “I mean, I got Steve, but still.”

“Who’s Steve?”

“My buddy,” said Bucky. “Grew up together. Served together. Closest thing I’ve had to family in years.”

“So, you don’t have family?”

“No, ma’am,” said Bucky. “Just Steve. And Sam, I suppose.”

“Tell me about Steve and Sam,” Danvers urged.

“What d’ya wanna know?”

“Whatever you wanna tell me,” she replied. “Start with Steve. What’s he like?”

“He’s an asshole,” said Bucky and Danvers couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. “I don’t want to talk about him right now. I’m pissed off at him.”

“Okay, we don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to. So, what about Sam?” said Danvers. “He or she?”

“He,” said Bucky, unable to stop the smile from creeping over his face at the mention of Sam.

“And is he an asshole?” Danvers asked.

“Nah,” said Bucky. “He’s the sweetest guy you’d ever wanna meet. I’m the asshole.”

“Is Sam the person you hurt last week?”

Bucky swallowed hard as his smile faded.

“Yeah,” he said. “My boyfriend, Sam. Well, my ex-boyfriend, now.”

“You wanna talk about what happened?”

Bucky sighed and ran his hand over the back of his head.

“Yeah, I fucked it all up,” Bucky explained. “I’ve never had anything in my life like I had with Sam. He’s just so _good_, and I’m a piece of shit.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Oh, I don’t think it,” said Bucky. “I know it. I am _not_ a good person. I’ve done terrible things. I _do_ terrible things. And then I met Sam, and even though he kept something from me, it’s not even half as bad as the shit I kept from him.”

“So, you both had secrets?”

“Yeah, but his was part of his job,” Bucky proffered. “Mine was – I don’t know, to hide what a shitty person I am. And then everything fell apart.”

“How did it fall apart? Was it outside influences, or did you _do_ something to make that happen?” asked Danvers.

“It was me,” said Bucky. “It was my actions. I was jealous, but kinda scared, too. And I lashed out. Did somethin’ so fucking stupid and reckless that he’d never be able to trust me again, and I can’t even blame him for it. Everything I touch turns to shit, always has.”

“Let’s unpack that. Why do you think everything turns to shit?”

“Because it just does,” said Bucky.

“Again, was it because of _your_ choices or _your_ actions, or was it because of something you couldn’t control?”

Bucky leaned back in the chair and exhaled loudly.

“You askin’ about everything in my life, or the stuff with Sam?”

“Whichever you want to talk about for now,” Danvers said. “Whichever is bothering you right now.”

Bucky squinted his eyes a moment, before speaking again.

“Well, when my folks died, that wasn’t my fault,” he explained, as he folded his arms over his chest in a self-soothing manner. “But everything after that, I chose to do. Every shitty thing after that I chose. Well, except for that one thing, but I don’t talk about that, _ever._”

Danvers wrote something on her scribble pad and Bucky kept talking.

“But the stuff with Sam, I thought other people were tryin’ to come between us,” said Bucky.

“Were they?” asked Danvers.

“In a way, I guess. See, Sam’s got this friend who I _know _was trying to get with him. Then there’s Steve.”

“The asshole, Steve?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “He was trying to come between us.”

“Between you and Sam?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Bucky sighed.

“I never told Sam this, but me and Steve, we used to, y’know, fool around.”

“You had a sexual relationship?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, feeling kind of odd talking about his sex life, but feeling really comfortable with Danvers.

“Was it just sex, or were there feelings attached?”

“For me, it was just sex,” said Bucky in earnest. “Started off as kids playin’ around. Then, as I got older, it was just somethin’ we did. For me it was about getting off. Y’know, to feel somethin’ instead of nothing all the damn time.”

Danvers wrote something else down on the pad.

“Is that how Steve felt, too?”

“I don’t know,” said Bucky. “We don’t talk about how we feel, we just get on with it.”

“And what about with Sam?” asked Danvers. “How do you feel about him?”

Bucky inhaled deeply and then ran the back of his hand over his mouth before dragging his fingers over the stubble on his chin.

“I love him,” said Bucky earnestly. “I’m _in_ love with him. And I never thought I’d feel _anything_ for _anyone_ ever, at all, but he came into my life, and that was it. I was gone. I’m so gone for him. But I don’t deserve him.”

“I don’t think it’s about what you deserve, Bucky.”

“No, you’re wrong,” said Bucky. “It _is_ about what I deserve, and I don’t deserve Sam. He’s too good for me in every way. Trust me, this ain’t some low self-esteem thing, I really am a piece of shit and Sammy? He’s _too _good.”

“Do you think you’re putting him on a pedestal?” asked Danvers. “Do you think you’re holding him up to this impossible standard and relegating yourself to the lowest tier?”

“No,” said Bucky, as he shook his head. “You’re thinking that because you probably work with a lot of people who hate themselves. I don’t hate myself, I accept myself for what I am; I may not like it, but I accept it. And me and Sammy, we’re at different extremes. When I say he’s good, I mean it fully. He helps people. He cares for people. He’s kind and generous. He works hard to make sure people are safe. He’s a good person. Me? I don’t give a fuck about anyone _but_ Sam. I have _never_ felt anything for anyone _but_ Sam. I hurt people in ways you can’t even imagine. I destroy things. I’m fucking selfish. I wanted Sammy all to myself. I _still_ do. If he’d let me, I’d take him away from this place and find somewhere where it’d be just the two of us. I would. I’d take him somewhere where no one would ever look at him again so I wouldn’t feel so jealous. And it’s fucked up for me to even say that out loud. But I would, if he’d let me. And that’s why what we had never worked out. The world _needs_ him, and I want to keep the world away from him. I covet him, Danvers. I’m obsessed with him and his light. And that makes me dangerous. I know this. Not to him, though; _never_ to him, but to other people who’d get in my way. Who’d try to come between us. I’d hurt them and I wouldn’t even blink. That’s the truth, and it cost me. The way I am is what drove him away. What I need to know is how do I _stop_?”

xXxXx

The soft music inside of the quaint eatery was muted by the chatter and laughter of people spending their lunch hour there. Sam had managed to steal away from his recon duties to grab a meal with Sarah. He had committed to spending at least two days at each site, checking everything thoroughly, and making painstaking notes. He needed a break, and his sister worked nearby, so they caught up.

She checked her phone and showed Sam something funny that appeared on her timeline. They shared a laugh just as their food was brought to them. They thanked their server and began to eat.

“So, what’s new with you, Sammy?” she asked. “I feel like I haven’t seen you at all since you went back home. Kinda miss hangin’ out with you.”

“Aww,” said Sam with a warm smile. “My little sister loves havin’ me around.”

“Course I do,” she said. “You can reach things up on the high shelves, and I don’t know how in the hell I ever managed to open jars before without you.”

They shared a chuckle and Sam called her a smartass before Sarah redirected the question.

“So, what’s been happening?” she asked, raising both eyebrows. “You been staying away from that ex of yours?”

“Gettin’ right to the point, uh sis?” Sam asked before shoving a piece of lettuce into his mouth.

“You know me,” she replied with a grin.

Sam sighed and said, “I saw him the other day, and –”

“Samuel Thomas Wilson, did you give it up to that boy one last time?”

“Christ, Sar,” said Sam. “You don’t need all the damn details. I caught up with him, and we _talked. _I didn’t take him back or anything like that.”

“Alright,” she said. “I’m just lookin’ out for you.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “I know. I said what I needed to say to Bucky, and that was that.”

“And you’re okay?”

Sam shrugged.

“I have to be,” he replied. “I gotta keep it movin’.”

“I’m proud of you, Sammy,” said Sarah. “You put your own needs first for once.”

“Then why do I feel shitty?”

“Because you cared about him,” she proffered. “These things take time. But you did what was right, for the both of you. Do you remember what Gramma always used to say about you, Sam?”

He shrugged a little and Sarah continued.

“I remember because I was always like, ‘Gramma, I know you’re the president of the Sam Wilson Fanclub, but hello? I’m right here. Can you spare a compliment for me?’”

The pair began to laugh at the memory of their grandmother who adored them both so much.

“But back to the story,” said Sarah. “She always said you had this light inside of you. That it spread from your chest and glowed so bright. And it drew people to you. Now, I know Gramma was smokin’ a little somethin’ for that glaucoma, and I don’t know what in the world she was seein’, but she was right about you. There’s this light that you have, Sam, that people are drawn to.”

Sam listened attentively to what his sister was saying.

“When I say what you did was best for you _and_ Bucky, I mean that,” Sarah explained. “He was drawn to your light.”

“You’re sayin’ he wasn’t interested in me, just this light you and Gramma seem to think is shining outta my ass?”

“No, stupid,” said Sarah as she rolled her eyes. “He was interested in you because you’re good-looking and sweet. We’re the same, you and me. I mean, I am better looking –”

“Sarah?”

“What?”

“Focus, please?”

“Right,” she said. “Sorry. What was I saying?”

“Me quittin’ Bucky was best for both of us.”

“Yeah, it was,” she recovered. “Because the way you are. How kind you are. That _light_ Gramma was talkin’ about, that can be addictive, especially to people like Bucky.”

“People like Bucky? How d’you know what he’s like? I barely knew.”

“I noticed it when we were at the cookout,” said Sarah. “He was friendly enough with everyone there. He was probably even a little annoyed that Misty was there, too. But for the most part, he was just a guy meeting his man’s people, right?”

“Right.”

“And when I say I’m like you, Sam, I mean it,” said Sarah. “Not just the good-looking part, but I think I can read people pretty well.”

“You ain’t me, but you do okay,” said Sam in jest.

“Whatever,” she replied, before continuing with her explanation. “So, I noticed that whenever Bucky thought no one was looking, he was cold. And not in a resting-bitch-face way, but his whole, I don’t know, vibe, I guess, it was cold. Sure, he would smile and laugh, but then he’d be cold and have this dead stare. Know what I mean?”

“Kind of,” said Sam. “So, what’re you saying?”

“I’m saying some people who are dead inside attach themselves to others and feed off of their light,” she said. “And I think he did that to you. He had nothing warm inside of him, so he needed to be near your warmth. That’s why it was good for both of you to call it.”

Sam nodded his head in understanding. His sister had a fair point.

“I’m tellin’ you, Sammy,” she continued. “The _only _time I saw some kind of light or life behind that boy’s eyes was when he was lookin’ at you, and that’s not good for either of you.”

xXxXx

It was late by the time Bucky had returned to his large, empty house; he went to his counselling session, and then just wandered the city on his own. He spent an hour out in his gym, lifting weights and hitting the boxing bag until his hands were sore. He showered and then climbed into his large, empty bed. He scrolled through messages Sam had sent him; he looked at pictures of him and Sam. He still felt as if his chest might cave in because he fuckin’ missed his Sammy. But he needed to stop. He needed to get on with his life. He’d always love Sam, he knew that, but he had to let him go. He wasn’t quite ready to delete their exchanges from his phone, so he decided to check his work burner as a distraction.

There was a message waiting for him. When he opened it, he saw it was to do with the Wakandan job; it was his next target’s itinerary. Bucky downloaded it, and then sent it to his tablet for safekeeping. He quickly scanned the list of all of the place names. He knew most of them. Had cased some at one point or another. He still wasn’t sure if he would finish this job, or simply tell Steve he needed to do it himself. The sender of the message was awaiting Bucky’s confirmation that he had received the important document. Bucky tossed his phone aside; he needed to think. He needed to decide if he wanted this life for himself anymore.

xXxXx

A week had passed, and Bucky was feeling good about his sessions at the VA. It was refreshing to talk to someone who knew nothing about his life and was not there to judge him, but to listen and offer advice. It felt good to be able to sit there and gush about Sam. To speak openly about his love for Sam and how much he missed him. Bucky was doing okay. He was committed to getting help and he really was okay.

After finishing his one-on-one with Danvers, Bucky was looking at one of the noticeboards in the corridor when he heard someone say his name. He turned his head to see Steve approaching.

“What’re you doin’ here?” Bucky questioned.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing,” Steve replied. “I was looking for you, Buck. Haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing,” Bucky said. “What do you want?”

“I kinda wanna know if you’re still working with me,” said Steve. “Did you receive the itinerary for your next assignment?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, as he placed his hands in his pockets and started to walk down the hallway; Steve followed.

“It’s been a week, pal. Why didn’t you send a confirmation?”

“Because I’m done, man. I don’t want this job. I don’t wanna to do this anymore.”

“What? What’re you even talking about?”

“I don’t want this job,” Bucky repeated.

“Come on, Buck. It’s one more job, then you can do whatever the fuck you want since the payment alone is enough to retire on.”

“I don’t want the fuckin’ job,” said Bucky, as he stopped and faced Steve. “I don’t wanna be this person anymore.”

Steve gave him a questioning stare before asking, “Why?”

“I’m sick of this shit.”

“Because of _Agent_ Wilson? You’re doing this for him?”

“I’m doing this for _me,_” said Bucky. “I don’t like who I am anymore. I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of you.”

“Great,” said Steve as he threw his hands up. “I knew it. I fuckin’ knew I shouldn’t have gone to Wilson and told him to go and talk to you.”

“You went to see Sam? You went to his house?” asked Bucky as he narrowed his eyes and glared at Steve.

“Yeah, well, you were layin’ on the couch smelling like a fuckin’ distillery, Buck. I had to do something. I had to tell your precious Sam –”

As soon as Steve said Sam’s name, Bucky saw red. He saw nothing but red, hot rage. He grabbed hold of Steve’s collar and shoved him up against the wall.

“Stay the fuck away from him, Rogers,” said Bucky in a low, stern voice. “I mean it. You stay away from him.”

Steve swatted Bucky’s hand away, pushed him back and said, “Fuckin’ relax, Barnes. Your bitch is safe.”

Bucky shoved Steve’s chest and said, “Fuck you, cocksucker. I’m done. Take the fuckin’ money they paid me, and do the job yourself, you prick. I’m done with this shit and I’m done with you.”

Bucky shouldered Steve and walked away from him.

“Buck, come on, man,” said Steve as he followed behind him, grabbing hold of his arm.

“Don’t touch me,” said Bucky as he turned to face Steve. “We’re done. I’ll transfer the funds back to your account and then I want you to stay the hell out of my life.”

“Don’t be like this, Buck –”

“Shut up,” said Bucky, stepping closer and getting up in Steve face. “Just shut the fuck up.”

Bucky stared into Steve’s eyes, and lowered his voice as he added, “And if you _ever _go anywhere near Sam again, I will fucking end you, Stevie. I mean that shit. You stay the fuck away from him, or I _will_ kill you.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. Thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback. You’re all amazing. This chapter picks up around 2 weeks after Bucky and Steve had their disagreement. Then the latter half of the chappie will see a more significant time jump where we meet N'Jadaka.

Sam had been examining the inside of the Wakandan Outreach Center for the better part of an hour. He was impressed, to say the least. They had state-of-the-art security, so there was little chance that anyone would make an attempt on the Wakandan prince’s life while inside of the Center. Sam’s focus was on the transit. If someone wanted to assassinate N’Jadaka, they would do it while he was traveling to and from events and venues. This meant that Sam needed to check the vantage points in the surrounding area. There was a small coffeeshop adjacent to the Centre; he would start there.

Sam noticed him as soon as he walked into the door. Even though he was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap, Sam knew it was him. The disguise was shitty. Sam rolled his eyes and walked in Steve’s direction.

“Hi, Sam,” said Steve, lifting his head and faking a smile.

“Are you following me?” asked Sam. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“I’m here to have coffee, _Sam_,” he supplied snidely. “You’re paranoid.”

“You had someone follow me before,” he retorted. “I kinda have good reason to be.”

Steve raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side before saying, “Ya got me on that one. But this – this is just a chance encounter, Sam. I’m as surprised to see you as you are to see me. I am _not_ following you. You’re not with Bucky anymore, so you’re not my concern.”

Sam didn’t care for his tone one bit; he let out a wry laugh and replied, “I wasn’t your concern when I _was_ with him.”

Sam folded his arms across his chest and then narrowed his eyes.

“I’m startin’ to think you’ve got a thing for Barnes yourself,” said Sam. “Probably the reason you put a tail on me in the first place. Probably why you _were_ so concerned.”

“You don’t know shit from shit,” said Steve, as he removed his glasses to glare at Sam; he kept his voice low, so as not to draw attention, but it was laced with venom. “You think because he fucked you for a few months that you meant anything to him? That you’re special? Don’t fool yourself, Wilson. He was screwin’ me, too. Remember our little business trip? Yeah, well didn’t we get down to business. You think you had something special with Bucky? So did every pretty boy with a nice ass he came across. He doesn’t care about anyone or anything. So, don’t flatter yourself. _You_ weren’t that important to him in the first place.”

Sam would be lying if he didn’t admit it felt like a blow to his stomach to hear Steve’s words. But he had work to do and being in a dick measuring contest with his ex-boyfriend’s best friend was time he could not afford to waste.

“Yeah, maybe so,” said Sam, as he began to walk away. “But from what I can tell, he still chose my unimportant ass over you, even after only a few months of knowing me. So, you have yourself a good day, Rogers.”

With that, Sam walked away. His heart was pounding, and he felt angry, but he walked away. When he reached his vehicle, a block and a half away, he got inside and cursed out loud.

“Fuck!” he said, banging his hands on the steering wheel. If Bucky really was cheating on him with Rogers, he needed to know. He did. There were already so many secrets there between them, he couldn’t let this one go unchallenged; regardless of the deceit that transpired between them, Sam had always been faithful. _Always_. He took out his phone and then went to his block list; he unblocked Bucky’s number and then made his call. There was no answer, so Sam left a message.

xXxXx

The room was feeling a little cooler than usual, Bucky noticed, so he crossed his arms in an attempt to warm himself. Danvers mistook the action for him being closed off, so she pressed him.

“You got something you wanna share, today?” she asked. “Though, I’m happy to keep talking about what we’ve been chatting about.”

Bucky shrugged and said, “Yeah, look, I didn’t say anything two weeks ago when it happened, but I quit my job.”

“That’s huge,” she replied. “I’m surprised you didn’t mention it. Was there a specific reason motivating you to quit?”

“I’m sick of it,” said Bucky. “Done it for too long. Plus I don’t want to work with Steve anymore. I don’t want him as a partner.”

“Will you be okay?” asked Danvers.

“Yeah, I have savings. Money’s not gonna be a problem at all,” Bucky replied as he leaned back into his seat. “I’ve just done it for so long, I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“That’s good, about your financial situation,” said Danvers. “But I meant will you be okay with not working with Steve? How did he take the news?”

“Oh, right, yeah,” said Bucky, running his hand over his hair. “He didn’t take it well; I didn’t exactly break it to him gently, and I cursed him out and threatened him.”

“You threatened him?” asked Danvers. “Let’s talk about that for a minute. What happened?”

“He admitted to me that he went to Sam’s house,” said Bucky as he clenched his jaw; Danvers noticed the change in his demeamor. “I can’t have him doin’ that. He can’t be near Sam like that.”

“Why?”

“Because Steve’s a bad person, like me,” said Bucky. “I told him to stay away from Sam. He didn’t like it. Been trying to call me. I haven’t answered. He needs to understand that I’m done with him.”

“For good?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think you will reconcile with Steve?”

“I don’t see how we can be friends anymore if he’s not gonna accept me quitting _and_ if he has problems with Sam.”

“Have you told him that?”

“I wanted to put distance between us until he can accept that this isn’t what I want anymore,” Bucky explained. “I don’t want to talk to him right now.”

“But you feel okay?”

“I feel bad for leaving Steve high and dry, sure.”

“How so?”

“We’re supposed to be friends as well as colleagues,” said Bucky. “And I basically told him to fuck off on both accounts.”

“You were at odds, though?”

“Yeah, for a while now,” said Bucky. “We don’t want the same things anymore. Not from work; not from life. I’m tired, and Steve’s still happy to do what we’ve been doin’.”

“Has it been this way for a while? Not wanting the same things?”

“I guess,” said Bucky. “I never really thought of it until I met Sam.”

“What did meeting Sam do that made you want different things?” asked Danvers. “You only knew him for a very short time, right? It’s a small amount of time compared to how long you’ve known Steve.”

“Yeah, but with Steve, we were doin’ the same shit over and over,” Bucky explained. “With Sam, it was different. He made me see things differently. See, Sam’s the type of person that changes you. And not because he _did_ anything special in particular, he just made me want to be _better._ He opened my eyes and made me realize I wanted to be better.”

“You have to do it for yourself, firstly, Bucky,” said Danvers.

“I know,” he replied. “I’m just sayin’ that Sam made me wanna be better, because he liked me. _Me_, of all people. Sam liked me, so there must be somethin’ about me that’s good, right?”

“I believe there’s good inside of you,” said Danvers. “Despite you saying there isn’t. Someone who wasn’t interested in changing wouldn’t be here talking about themselves. I believe you want this for yourself.”

Bucky nodded his head and said, “I do, and part of me, a big part of me, wants it for Sam, too.”

“That’s natural,” she said. “He seems like he inspires you.”

“He does. Sam is the type of person that just makes you wanna do better just from being around him, and if I was only meant to have that little while with him, then so be it. He changed me and meant more to me in that short time than anyone has in my whole life. Being with Sam gave me this, I don’t know, this sense of peace I haven’t known before. My life’s been pretty intense at the best of times; lotta stressful situations. The quiet times are quiet, but I wouldn’t say they’re peaceful because I end up thinkin’ about all the shit I’ve done. Being with Sam was peaceful in a way that I’ve never known it could be. I never knew you could just lay next to someone, holding them, not sayin’ anything to one another, and feel so _content._”

“Was it hard to give that up?” asked Danvers. “I imagine that type of happiness would be hard to give up.”

“Yes,” said Bucky. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. It’s still hard. I want him back, but I don’t deserve him. And it ain’t his job to make me feel good. Plus, I don’t deserve peace with all the pain I’ve caused. Especially the pain I’ve caused him.”

Danvers nodded her head in a knowing way. She felt oddly sorry for the man sitting in her office. He obviously had issues, but somewhere, deep down, she was rooting for him and this Sam that he spoke so highly of. Sometimes people found that other person who inspires them to be the best version of themselves. It seemed, for Bucky at least, that person was this Sam character. Though she would never advise Bucky to try to rekindle their relationship, she would give him strategies that might help should the pair somehow reconnect.

“Did you apologize to Sam? Properly?”

“Yes,” said Bucky. “I told him I was sorry for what I did; what I said; for how I acted; for how I made him feel.”

“Was it sincere?”

“Yes. I meant every word.”

“It doesn’t stop there,” said Danvers. “An apology isn’t just something you say. It’s something you demonstrate. It’s an action. If you really _are_ remorseful, you have to keep demonstrating that you are.”

“I know that now,” said Bucky. “But how do I _do_ that? I can’t keep sayin’ sorry to him for the rest of my life. Can’t keep beating myself up. I don’t see how it’s useful to either of us.”

“Exactly,” said Danvers. “It isn’t useful. What you need to do is continue to give him the space he needs, and change the way _you_ behave. Coming here to the VA shows that you want to change. You’re being reflective and self-aware. But _knowing_ and doing something about it are two different things. You can say to Sam how sorry you are for the rest of your natural life, and he won’t ever forgive you if you don’t show that you have changed. Tell me, do you want forgiveness?”

Bucky thought about it a moment. He wanted Sam, more than anything; he wanted Sam to be able to trust and forgive him. But he wanted that to be Sam’s choice.

“I do,” he replied. “But I want him to find that forgiveness on his own terms, when he’s ready to. Not ‘cause I show up and tell him I’m a changed man.”

“And working on yourself, being self-reflective, shouldn’t be about finding forgiveness from others, it’s about actively changing the behaviors you don’t like within yourself.”

“Yeah,” Bucky muttered, taking on board what Danvers was saying.

“Because no one, not even a sweet guy like Sam, _owes_ you forgiveness,” said Danvers. “But for you to move on with your life, you have to forgive yourself.”

Bucky nodded his head.

“You’re self-aware, so I know you have that capacity to change,” she added. “And when it comes time, _listen_ to the people you’ve hurt. If you’re ever given the chance to, _listen_ to what Sam has to say.”

…..

After the session, Bucky smoked a cigarette in the parking lot. He came away feeling better as he had gotten a few things off his chest. What he said about Steve was true, about feeling bad for leaving him high and dry, but it was something he needed to do; he needed time to himself.

There wasn’t much on Bucky’s to-do list as of late, since he had stepped back from his line of work. He had time to relax. He found that taking walks on his own were pleasant. Working out in his home gym left him feeling tired, in a good way. And taking naps in the middle of the day was a thing that he should have been doing a long time ago. Yet, he was still having trouble sleeping at night, mainly because of how empty his bed felt without Sam; mainly because his mind would dwell on the fact that Sam was gone; his heart would remind him he was without Sam.

When he was having a particularly restless night, Bucky would listen to voicemail messages Sam had left him; or look at pictures of Sam until sleep took over. He still missed him terribly, but he knew they needed to be apart. And all he could do now was focus on himself.

As Bucky flicked his cigarette, he retrieved his phone to check the time. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he saw a missed call from Sam. He saw that there was a voice message, too, and promptly listened to it.

“Hey, Bucky. It’s Sam. Look, I’m sorry to call you outta the blue like this, but I need to talk to you about something,” Sam said, his voice sounding slightly stressed. “Can we meet?”

Bucky returned the call right away. His heart was pounding when he heard Sam answer.

“Hello?”

“Sam? Is everything alright? I got your message,” said Bucky.

“Yeah, are you in town?” asked Sam. “Can we meet up soon?”

“I can be where you are in twenty,” said Bucky. “Just let me know.”

“Okay,” Sam replied. “Meet me at the spot where you took me, and I met Steve that time.”

“I’ll be there.”

…..

_Damn it, Wilson; this is a stupid fuckin’ idea, _Sam thought, as he sat in the near-empty coffee shop waiting for Bucky. He had calmed down a little after his run-in with Rogers, and was second guessing his decision to ask Bucky about his friend’s claim. Did it really matter? They were broken up, it shouldn’t matter now, Sam mused. But it did. If he ever wanted to at least have a _friendship_ with Barnes in the future, he would have to know for certain.

Did he want a friendship with Barnes? He did, once the romantic feelings went away and he was able to get a good night’s sleep without thinking about him. Sam missed him, but they needed to remain separated. Sam had too much going on, and he called it off with Bucky for a good reason. Loneliness, however, was telling him otherwise. And maybe, just maybe, this was the opportunity for him to see Bucky again; maybe it would be the confirmation that he needed to show him that he had made the right choice. Maybe this would tell his stupid heart and mind to stop reminding him of Bucky.

The door to the coffee shop opened, and in stepped the man in question. He looked better than the last time Sam had seen him. His hair was a little longer, and he kept the facial hair; it suited him. He looked good. Sam had to remind himself of why they were there. When Bucky looked at him and smiled sweetly, Sam knew it was definitely a stupid fuckin’ idea.

Bucky felt like his chest was going to explode when he saw Sam sitting in the corner. He looked so beautiful, like always. Bucky wanted to go to him and hold him, but he couldn’t; he didn’t have the right to. And it was what he deserved.

“Hey, Sammy,” he offered softly, before taking a seat. Sam didn’t return his smile.

“Hey,” Sam said. “This was probably a mistake, but I need to ask you something.”

Bucky felt his stomach do flips.

“What is it?”

“I need to know if you were screwin’ around on me while we were together.”

Bucky knit his brow and blinked rapidly a few times.

“You askin’ if I was cheatin’ on you?” he queried, leaning back in his chair.

“Yes,” said Sam.

“No,” said Bucky. “I never cheated on you. I never even looked at another guy while we were together, still haven’t. Where’s this comin’ from, Sammy? And why now?”

“I saw Rogers today,” said Sam.

“What? Where?”

“Not important,” Sam supplied. “But he had a few things to say to me. Said that you were screwing him in Weimar.”

“I never touched him.”

“That’s not what he said.”

“He’s full of shit,” said Bucky. “I told him to fuck off out of my life two weeks ago. Quit workin’ with him and everything. He said that to get back at me. Wants you to hate me.”

“Why? How would me hating you benefit him?”

“Stop us from getting back together,” said Bucky.

“We’re not,” said Sam.

“I know,” said Bucky. “He wants to hurt me. It’s punishment for choosing you. He wishes I chose him.”

“So, you were screwing him?”

“I haven’t touched him for two years,” said Bucky. “And it wasn’t even that deep. It was nothing. He meant nothing to me. You mean _everything_ to me.”

“Don’t,” said Sam, as he leaned back. “Please don’t do that.”

“It’s true,” said Bucky. “I love you, Sammy. I love you so much. I miss you.”

Sam let out an exasperated sigh.

“This was a bad idea,” he said, as he stood to leave.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky replied, as he stood, too. “Shit. Just forget I said that. I wasn’t meant to say that. _Fuck_. My therapist ain’t gonna be impressed when I tell her this.”

A silence passed between them, but neither moved to walk away.

“You’re seeing a therapist?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said with a nod. “Down at the VA. She’s awesome. Really helpin’ me deal with my shit.”

“That’s good,” said Sam in earnest. “I’m happy for you. But you can’t say that to me when I’m tryin’ to get over you, too.”

“You called me, remember?”

“I know that,” said Sam. “I just – I needed to know if you were fuckin’ around behind my back. I needed to, okay?”

“Why?”

“Because – I miss you, too,” Sam admitted. “And maybe I see a way for us to be friends in the future; after I get over your ass. But that’s not gonna happen if you cheated on me.”

“You wanna be my friend in the future?” asked Bucky, feeling the hope rise up inside.

“Yeah, maybe,” said Sam. “I’m confused, man. I thought I was doin’ okay, and then I see your dumbass friend who says some outta pocket shit, and now I’m just – I don’t know. This was a bad idea. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you.”

Sam started to walk away, but Bucky reached out and gently took hold of his arm.

“Don’t apologize,” said Bucky. “You deserve the truth and you can always call me for anything. But you’re right. This probably wasn’t the best idea. I don’t want to confuse you or cause you any more pain. My feelings for you don’t help you with what you’re dealing with.”

Sam nodded his head, hyper aware of the feeling of Bucky’s hand against his arm.

“I want you to know that I was always faithful to you,” Bucky added. “Steve and I aren’t friends anymore, and he said that to hurt you. He blames you for coming between us. Please believe me when I say I never cheated on you. I couldn’t even imagine _looking_ at some other guy, let alone _being_ with them. You were it for me. When we were together, it was just us. Nothing else mattered; no one else mattered. I made a lot of mistakes, Sam; but I never once set out to hurt you. I need you to know that, too.”

“Thank you,” said Sam, as he blinked back the tears. “I appreciate that. And I want you to know that I wanted it to work out between us. But there’s something off about you, Bucky. And I’m not sayin’ that to be an asshole, or to be cruel.”

“I know,” Bucky replied. “And you’re right. There _is_ something wrong with me. But I’m working on it.”

“Good,” said Sam.

“And maybe one day, I’ll be able to be a friend to you,” said Bucky. “But I gotta work on _me_ first. I know that now.”

Sam nodded and gave him a smile.

“I hope we can be friends,” said Sam. “But for now, I can’t be around you. I won’t call anymore. I need to keep it movin’. I need to get over you.”

Bucky felt his heart break even more, and his eyes betrayed him by tearing-up, but he nodded and smiled. He wanted to say how he would never get over Sam; he wanted to tell him he loved him again. But that’s not what Sam needed from him.

His voice cracked a little as he said the next words, “I hope you get over me, soon.”

xXxXx

A slight breeze whipped up around Sam’s feet as he stood outside near the helipad at SHIELD HQ. The stars looked muted from the various bright lights that lit up the expanse. The Wakandan envoy was due to arrive under the cover of night, and Sam was tasked with meeting them. He straightened his tie as someone in his comms mentioned that the aircraft was about to land.

“Copy that,” said Sam, as he clasped both hands in front of his body and waited.

The craft came into view and made little to no sound. Sam was impressed, but knew their technological advances far exceeded those of the rest of the world. When the craft was cleared for landing, it came to a halt in the middle of the platform.

“Team One,” said Sam into his comms. “Status update.”

“We have visual,” said a voice at the other end. “All clear on our end.”

“Team Two. Status.”

“Clear. Ready for transit.”

“Copy that,” said Sam; he changed his channel to reach the Wakandan craft before speaking again. “This is Falcon. Confirm comms connection.”

“Confirmed. Go ahead, Falcon,” said someone with a Wakandan accent.

“N’Jadaka is clear to disembark,” said Sam. “Repeat: N’Jadaka is clear to disembark.”

“Noted; disembarking now.”

Sam switched back to his Team’s channel and said, “Stay frosty.”

He walked toward the craft and waited for the doors to open. He was met by two stern looking women, whom he noted, from the dossiers he was given were part of the Dora Milaje. They did a quick visual sweep of the area, before nodding to Sam and stepping off the ramp. Next came two assistants; Sam had seen their files, too. They offered a quick greeting and stood off to the side. Finally, N’Jadaka stepped off of the plane.

He was dressed in all black, and had his hair braided away from his face. Sam could not help but notice that his pictures did him no justice at all. He was extremely good-looking. Sam discreetly cleared his throat as he took in the young man’s appearance. He had to remind himself that he was a fucking professional when the Prince shot him a stunning smile and approached.

“Falcon?” he asked, extending his hand.

“Yes, Your Highness,” said Sam, taking his hand and shaking it.

“No need for all that,” he replied, and Sam noticed he had an American accent. “Call me Erik.”

“Yes, Sir,” said Sam.

“We’re gonna be spendin’ some time together,” Erik proffered, dragging his gaze up and down Sam’s form. “May as well get to know one another. Falcon’s your codename, and that’s cool. But what’s your _actual_ name?”

“Wilson,” he said with a grin. “Sam Wilson.”

xXxXx

Bucky narrowed his eyes and stared at the TV screen. He had to blink a few times before he was able to focus properly. There, on his display, standing to the right of the Wakandan Prince at his welcoming ceremony, was none other than Sam fuckin’ Wilson.

“Shit,” said Bucky as it all began to fall into place. Sam was the SHIELD Agent assigned to the Wakandan royal. Sam was heading his security detail. Sam was there to take a bullet for him in he needed to. Sam was now a target; Sam was in trouble.

xXxXx

Steve Rogers had long ditched the sunglasses and cap as a disguise and decided to go with a suit. He fit in with most of the other guests at the welcoming ceremony for the Wakandan Prince, having gained entry with the ticket he was gifted by his nameless client. He was not going to make the hit at that moment, but rather, use the time to observe the Prince’s security detail. The party was in full swing, and Steve was having a great time. He even decided to do a little drinking while on the job. He was enjoying himself because it was brought to his attention that Sam Wilson was SHIELD’s assigned Agent to the Prince. Steve downed his second glass of whiskey and got another from a server as he smiled to himself. He didn’t even care about the large pay he was about to receive; he would almost do it for free given this new development. He was going to take out the Prince of Wakanda and, while he was at it, shoot Sam Wilson in that face Bucky loved so much.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place immediately after the welcome ceremony where Steve was ecstatic to learn that Sam was the SHIELD Agent.
> 
> Warning: There’s a sex scene and it isn’t Sambucky – you can squint, skim, or skip if you like. It just speaks to Sam’s emotional state.

The disguise, hiding in plain sight, was not fooling anyone, least of all Sam Wilson. He noticed Steve Rogers in the crowd right away. This was no coincidence: He was either there for Sam, or there for Erik. Sam took a moment to speak into his comms.

“Team Two, need eyes on one of the guests,” said Sam as he brought up the electronic guestlist saved in his device. He could not find Steve Rogers listed, so approached one of the Team members standing nearby and gestured toward Rogers.

“Keep an eye on him,” said Sam, before speaking in the comms again. “And someone needs to check this guestlist again. I also need aliases for one Steven Grant Rogers, right now. When he leaves from here, I want a tail on him.”

xXxXx

The entire floor was booked out by the Wakandan envoy. No one else was in sight as Sam and the Prince left the secure elevator and walked toward the lodgings. Erik had the Presidential Suite and it was nice. Really fucking nice. Sam had never been inside of one, and it really lived up to the hype.

“Dude, this room is bigger than my entire house,” said Sam as he followed the Prince into the suite.

It was completely lavish, with expensive drapes and high ceilings. The floors were tiled and not the usual carpeted atrocities from most hotel rooms. It was exquisite. It even smelled exquisite. Sam didn’t know if it was set up for Erik’s tastes, but he was sure the Prince was not shy about letting people know what he wanted. And if Sam was not mistaken, the way that he was eyeing Sam throughout the evening was proof of that.

Erik turned to look at Sam and gifted him with a smile.

“Make yourself at home,” he proffered, as he unbuttoned his jacket, removed it, and then flopped down onto the ornate settee.

“I can’t stay,” said Sam, placing his hands into his pockets, as he watched the Prince remove his cufflinks and then roll up his sleeves.

“Why not?” asked Erik, while loosening his tie. “You’re meant to be my protection, right?”

He had a teasing smirk on his ridiculously handsome face that made Sam’s stomach flip.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “But the Dora are your overnight protection.”

“I don’t know, Wilson,” said Erik, as he placed his outstretched arm across the top of the sofa. “They’re the best there is, but I kinda want you to stick around a little longer.”

He licked his lips and looked Sam up and down. Sam felt his skin flush warm even though he was trying to play it cool.

“Why’s that?” asked Sam, knowing the answer just from the way Erik was looking at him

“I dunno, we might fuck around and end up like Whitney and Kevin Costner.”

Sam laughed and raised an eyebrow, “Really? Bodyguard jokes?”

“Hell yes,” Erik replied with a wide smile.

“I never expected a Wakandan Prince to have jokes.”

“Well, I never expected SHIELD to send a fine as fuck Agent to take care of me,” said Erik, with a cocky grin. “So, you gonna stick around, Wilson? Let me take care of you for little while? And just so we’re clear, when I say _take care of you_, I mean let me blow your back out.”

_Shit_ , thought Sam. _This is really happening? Breathe, goddamn it; breathe._

“Okay,” Sam replied, trying to remain calm. “Let me do a quick perimeter sweep first.”

xXxXx

Two months ago, Bucky would’ve thrown his phone against the floor or the wall, but he was a lot calmer in recent times. He called Sam’s number again from his burner phone, and there was still no answer.

_Fuck! _ He was so worried. Steve would not show Sam mercy if he got in the way of Steve doing what he was paid to do. Hell, Bucky figured Steve might even relish in the fact that he could hurt Sam.

_Goddamn it._ Bucky tried calling again; still, no answer.

xXxXx

Even though Team One was on the lookout, Sam still went up to the roof to do a sweep. It was more about getting some fresh air and trying to calm his nerves. Why was he so nervous? He had hooked up with guys before; they weren’t royalty or anything like that, but still. He wasn’t usually shy or nervous. He was capable of casual sex. He was. Maybe it was the fact that he was about to mix work with pleasure on a high stakes assignment.

Did he want this? Fuck yes. The Prince was young, cocky, and impossibly hot. There was also this air of danger around him. Sam knew what he was capable of. He had studied his file. He reminded him of Bucky in some ways.

_Jesus, Wilson, _ he thought. _Shut the fuck up about Barnes. _

He had to shake thoughts of Bucky from his mind or he wouldn’t be able to go through with it. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. An unknown number was calling, so Sam rejected the call, and then called Nat.

“So, what’s he like?” asked Nat of the Prince, not bothering with a greeting to her best friend.

“Um, he’s fucking hot,” said Sam as he ran his hand over his hair.

“So, you lucked out with this assignment, then, uh?”

“Yeah, I kinda did,” said Sam with a laugh. “But seriously, he seems like a pretty chill dude. Not what I expected.”

“Well, alright Wilson,” Nat offered. “You done for the night? I watched the coverage of the welcoming. You looked sharp.”

“Thanks,” said Sam. “And yeah, I’m done with the official stuff. But I’m gonna hang out with Erik a little longer.”

“Erik? You’re callin’ him Erik?”

“Yeah, he insisted,” said Sam. “Why, is that weird or something?”

“Not necessarily. It’s just surprising.”

“Okay,” said Sam. “I’m gonna go now.”

“Are you gonna sleep with the Prince, Sammy?”

“What? Why would you –”

“Sam, come on,” said Nat with a laugh. “You’re hanging back after, what, seventeen hours on the job? Because you’re a good Agent? Fuck off. You’re puttin’ in overtime for some royal dick!”

“Hanging up now,” said Sam.

“Be safe,” said Nat. “Love you.”

“I will,” said Sam. “Love you, too.”

He ended the call and then saw a voicemail. He put his phone back in his pocket; he’d check it later. Everything else could wait. He was about to go see about this royal dick.

xXxXx

Kissing Erik Stevens, while straddling his lap left Sam Wilson breathless. His tongue and lips felt like they were everywhere. Erik held Sam’s unclothed body close to his as he sucked at Sam’s neck. He drew Sam’s body closer and lapped at the sensitive skin of his clavicle. His hands caressed Sam’s form as his their lips became acquainted. They broke apart as Erik smiled.

“Fuck, Wilson. You’re so fine,” he said. “Got me so fuckin’ hard for you.”

Sam beamed at him and reached between their bodies so that he could take hold of Erik’s hard cock.

“Hmmm,” said Erik. “Feel how hard I am for you, baby?”

“Yeah,” said Sam as he strummed his hand up and down. “So hard.”

“This dick is just for you,” Erik whispered in Sam’s ear. “How bad do you want it?”

“Fuck,” said Sam as Erik kissed his neck again. “So bad.”

“Good boy,” said Erik in a tone that sent a shiver through Sam’s body.

Sam smiled and continued to stroke him.

“Fuck, you’re good at that,” said the Prince as Sam worked his deft hand up and down Erik’s shaft. “You got me dripping already, baby boy.”

“You want me to keep going?” asked Sam.

“Nah, you better stop before I come in your hand,” said Erik as he shifted so that he was lying on top of Sam gazing down at him. “Shit, I know I’m a lucky motherfucker, but this shit is ridiculous. Look at you. You’re fine as all fuck.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” said Erik while running his hand over Sam’s chest; he then slid it lower until he found Sam’s cock; he took hold of it firmly and began to stroke it. “Pretty face; pretty dick. I’m gonna tear it up. You want it?”

“God, yes”, said Sam eagerly.

Erik pecked his lips and then shifted back so that he was positioned between Sam’s thighs.

“Spread those legs for me, Sam.”

Sam did as he was told as Erik watched the older man, appreciating him; craving him. His gaze moved all over Sam’s nakedness, from his broad chest, to his thick thighs; down his strong arms to where he was strumming his perfect cock.

“Fuck,” Erik said. “I bet your shit tight as fuck.”

Sam felt his face flush at the Prince’s words.

“Bet you get loud as fuck, too.”

“Give me that dick and then you’ll find out,” Sam found himself saying.

Erik smirked and the caressed Sam’s face before saying, “Alright, baby boy. I’ll give you this dick. Just make sure you ready to take it.”

“I’m ready,” said Sam.

Erik squirted the lube into his hand, and then massaged Sam’s hole. He dipped two fingers inside as he leaned down and sucked at Sam’s neck. He stretched Sam open, eliciting a pleasured moan as Sam melted from his touch.

“Fuck, baby. You’re so tight,” said Erik as he plunged his fingers in and out of Sam’s hole. “Can’t wait to get this dick in there. How bad you want it?”

“So bad,” said Sam as he moaned shamelessly. “Hurry up and fuck me.”

Erik laughed and finger fucked Sam harder.

“Ask me nicely.”

_God damn it, _ thought Sam. _He even sounds like Bucky._

“Please,” said Sam, pushing thoughts of Bucky out of his mind. “Please fuck me.”

Erik withdrew his fingers and then picked up the condom that was set by the lube. He rolled it down his shaft, and then positioned himself near Sam’s opening. He rubbed the crown of his cock against Sam’s gaping hole as he stared down at him.

“You ready, pretty boy?

“Yes,” Sam replied.

Erik smiled again as he inched his big, hard cock inside of Sam’s perfect ass.

“Fuck,” said Erik as Sam enveloped him. “Fuck, you feel so good baby boy. So fuckin’ good.”

Sam shifted slightly in order to take the entire length of Erik’s thick, veiny cock. When Erik bottomed out, Sam exhaled loudly.

“Shit,” said Sam. As he became accustomed to the feeling of being impaled by the Wakandan Prince.

“You like that?” Erik asked, as he inched his dick in and out.

“Yeah,” Sam breathed before gripping tightly onto Erik’s strong arms.

“You love it, don’t you?” asked Erik as he thrust into Sam.

_Cocky asshole, _ Sam thought.

“I do,” said Sam. “Fuck. You feel good.”

“How good?”

“So good.”

They shared another kiss as Erik began to fuck Sam with more fervor. The younger man let out persistent little _uh huh ahhhs_ as he smashed into Sam.

“Shit, Wilson,” he said as his cock slid in and out of Sam’s hole. “Am I the first one to fuck you or what? You’re so fuckin’ tight, baby. Shit. _Hmmmm_.”

Erik rammed himself inside of Sam’s ass. He gripped Sam’s hips and fucked him with more enthusiasm.

“Stroke that dick for me,” said Erik. Sam took hold of his own cock and began to strum it. “Yeah, just like that. Stroke it, baby. _Hmmmm_.”

Sam obliged Erik as he ran his hand up and down his shaft.

“You look so pretty, baby,” said Erik as beads of sweat ran down his skin and dripped onto Sam.

Erik continued to slide his length into Sam’s hole as he watched Sam jerk himself off.

“Fuck you’re sexy, Wilson. _Fuck_. You take it so good.”

Erik rolled onto his back and drew Sam with him. Sam was straddling his lap a moment before Erik took his dick and found Sam’s opening again.

“Ride this dick, baby,” said Erik as he inched his cock into Sam’s ass once more. Sam leaned back and took his shaft. He began to roll his hips as Erik stared up at him.

“You’re so pretty, you know that, Wilson?” said Erik. “You look even prettier riding this dick. Ride me, baby. Ride this big hard dick.”

“Fuck,” said Sam as he bounced up and down on Erik’s shaft. He closed his eyes and took Erik deeper. “_Fuck_.”

“Take it all,” said Erik. “Fuckin’ take it like a good boy.”

Sam placed his hands on Erik’s chest for leverage as he rode him harder and faster. Erik took hold of Sam’s hips as he fucked up into him. He thrust himself inside of Sam relentlessly.

“I’m gonna come,” said Erik breathlessly. “Shit, Wilson. You’re gonna make me come.”

Sam had nothing to say as his pleasure rippled through him. Suddenly, Erik flipped Sam over so he was on his back as he drilled into him.

“You ready to take all of this?” he asked as he fucked Sam hard and fast.

“Yes,” said Sam. “Please.”

Erik brought his lips to Sam’s once more as he thrust his cock inside of the other man’s ass almost frantically.

“Fuck, baby. I’m gonna — oh, _fuck_. Sam. I’m gonna come.”

“Give it to me,” said Sam.

“Shit,” said Erik had his dick shuddered and his seed filled the condom. “Fuck.”

He collapsed on top of Sam, before realizing the other man hadn’t reached his climax. Sam stroked his own cock as Erik withdrew his. Erik slid two fingers inside of Sam’s gaping, well fucked hole and massaged his prostate.

“Come for me,” said Erik as he worked his fingers over Sam’s spot expertly.

“Shit,” said Sam.

“You close?”

“Mhmm,” was all he could manage.

“Then come for me, Sammy.”

_Oh, god, _ Sam thought._ Don’t call me that. Don’t call me Sammy, just like Bucky used to. Bucky. God, Bucky. _

Sam had to bite his lip so he didn’t call out Bucky’s name as he closed his eyes and pictured him; as he imagined it was Bucky with his fingers rooted deeply inside, and not the Prince. Sam’s hips bucked as he found his release. Hot spurts of semen shot from his smooth tip and landed on his abdomen as he bit back Bucky’s name on his lips.

“Fuck that’s pretty,” said Erik as Sam’s white, hot seed dripped down his hand and covered his abs. “Shit, you’re so fuckin’ hot, Wilson.”

Erik grinned at him before he dipped his head and licked Sam clean of his own come. Sam tried to steady his breathing while wishing it was Bucky’s tongue, in place of Erik’s, lapping at his sweat-drenched skin.

xXxXx

The showers in the Presidential Suite were divine. The streams of water massaged Sam’s muscles causing him to let out a moan. He remembered where he was, so tried to be quiet, even though he had just had sex with a Wakandan Prince. He knew it was getting late, and they both had full schedules the following day, so Sam kept the shower short.

When he was dressed and made his way back into the bedroom, he found Erik reclined on the bed and scrolling through his phone.

“Hey, thanks for lettin’ me use the shower,” said Sam, somewhat bashfully.

Erik looked up and beamed brightly at him, “All good, man. Were you gonna head out?”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day,” Sam explained.

“It has,” Erik replied with a yawn. “Shit, you probably haven’t eaten anything since the ceremony. Lemme order something for you; you can eat before you go.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” said Sam. “I’ll grab something on the way.”

“Come on, Wilson,” Erik said, smiling at him again. “I haven’t eaten, either. Let’s get somethin’ sent up, and then you can go. My treat.”

Sam looked at the Prince and wondered if anyone had ever said no to him in his whole entire life, before offering him a quick, “Okay.”

…..

“I can’t believe you brought a chef with you,” said Sam as he finished the last of his serving of jollof rice and the most succulent beef he had ever had. “This is literally the best meal I’ve had in a while. Thank you.”

“Yeah, I haven’t been back here in a minute, so I didn’t wanna take a chance with the food,” said Erik.

“There are a few good spots with African cuisine down near Mt Vernon Square,” said Sam. “I mean, we didn’t secure them or anything, but maybe keep it in mind for the next time you visit.”

Erik nodded his head and said, “Thanks, I’ll remember that. Don’t know when I’ll be back, though.”

“You grew up here, right?”

“Yeah, over in Cali,” said Erik. “Was born here, actually. My mom’s American. Father was Wakandan.”

“Prince N’Jobu, right?”

“Yeah,” said Erik.

“I read about him,” said Sam. “He was –”

“Assassinated a few years ago,” Erik said, staring down at his almost empty plate.

“I’m sorry you lost him,” said Sam sincerely.

“Thanks, man.”

“It must be tough.”

“What’s that?” asked Erik as he lifted his gaze.

“Being raised in the spotlight,” Sam elaborated. “Having the whole world watch you while you mourned. It must’ve been hard for you.”

“Yeah,” said Erik, surprised by Sam’s understanding nature. “It’s been tough; had its moments, y’know. And that’s kinda why I wanted to come home a while ago, but duty called.”

Sam nodded his head.

“I hear ya,” said Sam. “Gotta do what you gotta do.”

Erik dipped his head in agreement before he changed the subject.

“So, Sam. Tell me somethin’ about you. How’s SHIELD treatin’ you?”

“Good, man. Can’t complain. Was USAF for a minute. Then at the VA. Then sorta fell into this.”

“How long?”

“A few years. Was recruited a while ago. Never looked back.”

“You must be the best they have to land this gig,” said Erik, not in a conceited way at all, just stating the obvious: Sam was the only one on their roster capable of this level of assignment.

Sam smiled and dipped his head, “Dunno about all that. Just doin’ my job.”

“Well, I’m glad you got assigned to this job,” said Erik with a devilish grin. “Sure as hell made my time here more interesting.”

Sam gifted the younger man with a pretty smile.

“So, I take it you don’t have a man?” asked Erik, causing Sam to straighten up.

“Nah,” he replied, feeling a little guilty even though there was no reason to. “What about you? Any future Princes waiting in the wings?”

“Not at all,” said Erik. “Haven’t found someone who’s worth it. One who’s worth dragging into this lifestyle.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “It seems nice. You got personal chefs and shit.”

Erik laughed and then replied, “It’s boring to be honest.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. All diplomacy and boring shit.”

“You miss serving?” asked Sam, aware of his military background.

“Yeah. A little. Do you?”

“No way. Not at all,” Sam proffered. “I mean, I got a college education and a career, but I don’t miss the other stuff. Sleepin’ on the ground and having hostiles firing at my ass all day. No, sir. Don’t miss it one bit.”

The Prince let out a little chuckle and went to say something else, when there was a knocking at his door. Sam stood up straight away and gestured for Erik to wait where he was. Sam took his phone out and clicked an app that let his access the security cameras in the corridor. He was that it was all clear, and that the Dora Ayo was at the door. He went to answer it.

“Is Prince N’Jadaka in?” she asked Sam in English.

“Yes, ma’am,” said Sam. “He’s having supper.”

She stepped inside, and Sam followed.

“I’m gonna head out now,” said Sam. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay, Wilson,” said Erik with a lopsided smile. “Tomorrow.”

…..

Sam used the service elevator and made his way to the undercover parking garage. He did a quick scan before going any further.

“Team Two, is the garage secure?” he said into his comms.

“Affirmative.”

“Copy that,” said Sam as he walked toward the SHIELD-issued vehicle.

He climbed into the diver’s seat, and then checked his phone. There was a missed call and that voicemail that had been left for him before. Sam sighed and then checked the voice message.

“Sam, it’s me, Bucky. You have to listen to me carefully: You’re in danger. Someone is trying to kill the Wakandan Prince and you’re in their way. You have to believe me. Call me back.”

xXxXx

An unease settled all around Bucky as he sat in his darkened living room. Surely Sam would check his messages at least once during the night. He always did when he stayed over. Bucky checked his phone once more when suddenly, his doorbell rang. He all but flew off of the sofa and rushed to the door. He was surprised and relieved to see Sam standing on the other side. Bucky flung the door open and immediately gave Sam the once over.

“Are you alright?” asked Bucky. “You’re not hurt or anything?”

“I got your message,” said Sam. “What the fuck is going on?”

Bucky looked over Sam’s shoulders to the surrounding area.

“Did anyone follow you here?”

“No, now tell me what’s going on, Barnes.”

Bucky stepped aside and gestured for Sam to step inside the house. Sam obliged and walked toward the kitchen. Bucky followed behind him. Both men took a seat near one another at the counter.

“I know your new assignment is the Wakandan Prince,” Bucky started. “And I need you to know that his life is in danger.”

“How do you know this?” Sam asked.

“I have my sources,” Bucky replied, not wanting to be honest with Sam.

He did no care if he sabotaged the job; he would not have Sam in danger like that. Steve could not be trusted, and Bucky was worried. This was the best thing he could do to protect Sam. He had considered tipping off the authorities, but did not want to implicate himself, so a heads up would have to suffice.

“Was it Steve?” Sam asked.

Bucky quirked an eyebrow. If Steve was caught, then he just might talk. Bucky did not think he would, as it went against their code of honor. But he had hurt Steve and payback’s a bitch.

“I saw him at the gala tonight,” said Sam, as he stood up and leaned against the countertop. “There’s no point in lying to me, Bucky. Now you need to start talkin’ and tell me what’s really going on.”

Bucky glanced up at Sam and took in his appearance. They hadn’t seen one another for months. He missed Sam so much. The feelings inside of his chest made him want to open up and tell Sam everything, but Sam was still a federal agent and Bucky needed to be smart. He let his gaze roam over Sam’s face, and his eyes narrowed when he saw dark shading near the base of Sam’s neck.

“What happened there?” asked Bucky as he pointed to the bruising.

Sam pressed his hand to the area; he knew it was where Erik had sucked at his neck not too long ago.

“It’s nothin’,” Sam replied. “Answer my question.”

“Did someone put their hands on you?” asked Bucky, as he stood to get a better look. When he leaned in closer, he could see it was a suck mark; he had given Sam enough of them to recognize one when he saw it. His face dropped as he felt his stomach sink.

“No one touched me,” said Sam, trying to redirect the conversation as Bucky stalked over to the kitchen sink and poured himself a glass of water.

He was going to lose his shit; he could feel the jealousy swirling around inside. Sam had been with someone else. He just knew it and it was clouding his judgement. He wanted to smash the glass in the sink and demand that Sam tell him who it was.

Was probably that smug-ass fuckin’ detective Misty Knight, who thought she was better than everyone else. How could Sam stay friends with an ex? Because they were probably still fucking. Or was it some guy he met along the way? Some other fucking guy he just threw himself at while Bucky was home alone pining for him and trying to be a better man.

_Christ_ , just the thought of Sam being with someone else caused Bucky’s blood to boil and seemingly washed months of therapy down the drain.

“Barnes?” asked Sam, as he eyed him cautiously.

“What?” Bucky snapped as he turned to face Sam.

“What’s gotten into you?” Sam queried.

“Have you been seein’ someone else?” he asked without stopping himself.

“Is that even important now?” asked Sam, feeling his stomach drop; of course, Bucky would have seen the mark. Of course, that’s all he’d be able to focus on.

“Did you fuck someone else?”

“We’re not together, Barnes.”

“I fuckin’ know that, Sam,” he said sharply, but quietly. “Christ. I know that.”

Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and remembered what Danvers had told him to do. He closed his eyes a moment, took a deep breath, and slowly started counting backwards from ten.

_This’ll pass, _ he reminded himself. _It’ll pass._

When he reached zero, he opened his eyes and looked at Sam, who was now looking at _him_ with an air of concern.

“Do you need to sit down or something?” asked Sam. “You look kinda pale.”

_Fuck everything, _ thought Bucky as he saw the kindness in Sam’s eyes. How was he ever going to get over him? He felt a sadness settle deep within his chest. There was no point to hiding anything anymore. Sam had moved on from him, it seemed, and all of those stupid, silly late-night thoughts and wishes of them getting back together were futile. He thought he could get on with his life, but the mere notion of Sam being with someone else struck him to his core and caused him to ask in a plaintive little voice, _What is the point?_

“Steve,” said Bucky hoarsely. “Steve’s being paid to kill the Prince of Wakanda.”

“How do you know this for sure?” asked Sam, instinctively placing his hand to his sidearm.

“Because,” said Bucky, lifting his gaze with an utter look of defeat etched across his face. “I was paid to kill the Prince first.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sees some heartfelt admissions and some timely yet surprising revelations. 
> 
> Please know warnings of violence apply heavily in this chapter. Enjoy!

“Hands where I can see ‘em!” said Sam as he drew his sidearm and aimed it at Bucky.

Bucky didn’t even blink as he raised both hands and waited for Sam’s next instruction; he half expected this to happen.

“You carrying?” asked Sam.

“No.”

Sam proceeded to pat him down.

“Sammy.”

“Shut up,” said Sam. “Hands behind your back, now.”

Bucky did as he was told as Sam cuffed him.

“Now tell me what in the hell you’re talkin’ about,” said Sam as he furrowed his brow and aimed his gun.

“The Prince,” said Bucky. “I was paid to assassinate him.”

“Who paid you?” asked Sam.

“I don’t know,” said Bucky. “They transferred the funds, sent the details, and that’s it. I never knew who I was working for. Steve arranged all of that, him and his friend, who’s well-connected, they just sent the details of the jobs to me. I kept all the details, though. I can prove it.”

Sam felt his stomach sink; of course, he had had his suspicions, and he shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was trained to catch people like Bucky. It was his job to catch people like him, not fall for them. Sam let his eyes close as he flopped down to the seat, lowering his weapon.

“Fuck,” he said. “This was happening right under my nose? This whole time?”

“Sam.”

“Fuck you, Barnes. You don’t get to speak until I say you can, you asshole,” said Sam, absolutely incensed. “When we first met, at that event, what were you doin’ there? Were you sent there for me? Was I your mark? Was that the job, eh? Get close to me, fuck me, and then get information from me?”

“What? No, of course not,” said Bucky. “I was there for recon on an _actual_ mark. I wasn’t there for you. I didn’t even know you were SHIELD.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s the truth,” said Bucky, as he inched closer to Sam, wary of the gun he was still holding. “I was there for another reason. But then I saw you, and Christ, I knew I had to have you. I just had to.”

“You’re a liar and a murderer.”

“I don’t do that anymore,” Bucky replied. “You gotta believe me, Sammy. I told Steve to fuck off. I told him I’m done with this bullshit. And I am. Ever since I met you, I wanted to quit.”

“What about when you were in Germany, uh?” asked Sam. “Were you there to fuckin’ kill someone?”

Bucky just stared at Sam and did not answer.

“The Americans who hit the Armenian mobsters in Weimar,” said Sam. “That was you and your buddy, right? You left me for two weeks to traipse off to Europe with your psycho best friend? You know they’re here, right? The Armenians? Lookin’ for the both of you. Christ, Bucky! What the hell are you doin’?”

“I’m not in that lifestyle anymore, Sam,” he replied. “I gave it up, for you. I stopped doin’ that shit so we could be together. Don’t you get it?”

“Don’t _you_ get it that I’m SHIELD?” said a frustrated Sam. “In what version of your illusions can we _ever_ be together? I put people like you behind bars, Bucky. I don’t get married to them and pretend like their past isn’t a fuckin’ problem.”

“Then why the fuck are we still here talkin’?” asked Bucky, just as frustrated as Sam was. “If there’s no chance for us to be together at all, then take my ass to jail. Like, what’s the fuckin’ point of any of this?”

“You owe me a fuckin’ explanation, Barnes,” said Sam, as he felt a lump rise in his throat. “You put my life in danger; you put my career as an Agent in jeopardy. Why? Why did you have to come into my fucking life and make me fall in love with you? Why? When you knew _your_ life was in danger all the time? When you knew it wasn’t gonna last between us?”

Bucky saw the pain in Sam’s eyes, and it broke his heart in two.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” he whispered. “I was selfish. I just wanted you. I still want you. I love you so much.”

“Don’t say that,” said Sam, as the tears fell from his eyes. “Just don’t. You were right. I fucked someone else. I fucked him tonight, right before I came over here.”

That tore at Bucky’s chest.

“I was with him, and all I could think about was you,” Sam admitted. “Is this how it’s gonna be for the rest of my life? Am I ever gonna be able to get over you?”

“I’m never gonna get over you,” said Bucky. “Not ever. I love you, Sam Wilson. I never stopped loving you. We can make it work.”

“There’s no point,” said Sam, as he wiped his tears. “What we feel for each other doesn’t fuckin’ matter because you’re a killer and it’s my job to –”

“To take me in?”

“Yes.”

“What about your friend, Natasha.”

“What about her?”

“You’re tellin’ me you never read her file?” asked Bucky. “You’re tellin’ me you don’t know that she used to do the same damn thing as me?”

“That’s different,” said Sam.

“How? Because she defected? ‘Cause she’s one of you now?” said Bucky. “And she’s your best friend? You’re sayin’ you can forgive her for what she’s done, but not me?”

“Nat wasn’t doing that shit when we met,” said Sam. “It’s completely different. You were still doin’ it while we were together. You probably fucked me right after you killed someone. I was probably working your fuckin’ case. How could we ever make it work? What are supposed to do?”

A thick silence passed between them as Bucky felt a migraine set it.

“The way I see it, we got two options,” said Bucky, finally. “Either you take me in, or we leave this place together, right now, and never look back.”

xXxXx

The interrogation room at SHIELD HQ was standard, just like with any other law enforcement agency. Bucky sat cuffed to the table, under the slightly flickering overhead light. They were making him wait. He hadn’t seen Sam since he had brought him in nearly two hours ago. Bucky couldn’t blame him. What kind of life did he really expect them to have on the run? Sam had friends and family whom he loved, and Bucky knew he couldn’t leave them all behind to become a fugitive. And he couldn’t just let Bucky go, knowing that the Prince was in danger. Still, it broke Bucky’s heart even more, sitting there and knowing that there was no future for him and Sam.

The door creaked open, and a male Agent stepped inside of the small room. He was looking through a file on the screen on his device as he took up a seat. He lifted his gaze and then tilted his head to the side.

“Sergeant James Barnes,” he stated. “I’m Agent Everett Ross with the CIA. It’s my understanding you have some information regarding an assassination plot against Prince N’Jadaka. Can you tell me what you know?”

“Can I make a deal, first?”

“SHIELD does not make deals,” said the Agent.

“Thought you said you were CIA?”

“I am, but SHIELD brought you in,” said Ross. “They’ll be the ones heading this investigation, I’m just here to talk to you. Now, what can you tell me about the plot against the Prince?”

Just then, the interview was interrupted by Sharon Carter. When Bucky’s eyes met hers, he narrowed them and gave her a questioning look. _What the fuck is she doing here?_ he mused as she looked at Ross.

“I’ll take it from here,” said Carter, as Ross glanced up at her.

“We were just getting started, Agent Carter,” said Ross.

“I know,” she replied firmly. “And I’ll take it from here.”

Ross thought twice about arguing with her, let out a huff, and then got up to leave. When she and Bucky were alone, Carter pressed the button on a device that shut off all of the recording devices remotely.

“What’re you doing, Barnes?” she asked, as she leaned back in the chair.

“I could ask you the same damn thing,” said Bucky snidely.

“I take it Steve doesn’t know you’re here?”

“I was arrested and didn’t get a phone call,” said Bucky. “Plus I haven’t spoken to him in weeks.”

“Then what are you doing here?” asked Carter. “You didn’t want the Wakandan job. I practically gift wrapped it and placed it in your hands. All you had to do was kill the Prince. But no. You had to go and get yourself involved with one of my best Agents. It’s a pity, really, to lose the both of you.”

Rage filled Bucky as Carter subsequently threatened Sam’s life. He stood, but the handcuffs held him in place.

“You leave Sam outta this,” Bucky spat.

“Oh, Sam’s already in this,” said Carter. “I don’t know how much you told him. Steve said you were getting sloppy. Now look at you. In all the years we’ve worked together, you’ve never been caught out. Never lost your wits. Now look at you; because you’re whipped for Wilson? It really is a pity Steve’s gotta make the kill quick and efficient. Would’ve been good to torture your lover boy for a while. Record it. Show it to you before the Armenians cut your dick off.”

“You lay one hand on Sam and I swear I’ll kill you myself, you fuckin’ bitch.”

Carter smiled at Bucky and said, “Ah, now there’s the Barnes I remember. Don’t stress too much. When Wilson dies on the job trying to protect the Prince, they’ll call him a hero. Send his family flowers. His picture will hang on our wall here. He’ll be remembered. You, on the other hand, no one will even know you existed.”

She stood up, walked around to the side of the table where Bucky was seated, and used the butt of her sidearm to knock him unconscious. She then taped his mouth shut and spoke into her comms.

“The prisoner in room 3A-B was irate. I incapacitated him. He needs shifting to the transport bay right now. Does not need medical attention.”

Someone replied _copy_ as she checked Bucky’s pulse, and then took out her burner phone. She sent a text message to Steve that read: _He was compromised. Came here to sell you out. Sending transit coordinates. You can tell the Armenians where to intercept._

xXxXx

When Bucky regained consciousness, he was already inside of a transport vehicle. His head was throbbing where he had been struck, and he was slightly disoriented. He figured Carter was delivering him to Steve. He really hadn’t thought this whole thing through. Of course Steve had friends in high places. You didn’t get away with what they had for so long without having these friends. It made sense that they were receiving the same intel on targets that law enforcement were. He just wished he had figured it out sooner that Carter was well-connected and at the center of everything.

Bucky could accept that his fate was always going to end with him being killed. He knew that when he signed up for the Army; he knew that when he worked as a mercenary; he knew that when he had agreed to help Steve kill that drug dealer for a measly five grand all those years ago. His lifestyle was violent; his death was going to be violent, as well. He had no delusions about that. What he could not accept was that Sam would be in danger; that Sam would meet a violent end, too.

He struggled against the cuffs, but they were fixed to him tightly. His mouth was still covered and was impeding his breathing as he tried to sit. If they were handing him over to Steve, he was not going to be cowering on the floor.

The vehicle came to a stop, and Bucky clambered until he was sitting. He narrowed his eyes and waited for the door of the van to open. He could hear muffled voices outside before the door swung open. Bright lights caused him to avert his gaze as voices with accents spoke to one another, before speaking to him directly; he knew then that he hadn’t been delivered to Steve, but to the Armenians.

“Don’t make a fuss, and we won’t make a mess of you,” said the man, before speaking to his lackeys.

They climbed into the back of the van and grabbed hold of Bucky, who was thrashing about to make it difficult for them. He kicked one of the men’s legs out from under him, and he fell unceremoniously to the carpeted floor; Bucky then aimed for his head. His kick landed as the man cursed out loud. The second man struck Bucky in the jaw and knocked him out.

They then dragged his limp body from the van and tossed him in the trunk of their car. When he awoke again, Bucky could tell that they were off-road. He was being thrown around in the trunk because of an uneven road. He did not know how long they had been driving for. He realized that they were probably taking him to a secluded secondary location in order to torture him before killing him. That’s what he would do.

His ankles were now bound so that he couldn’t kick them freely. He could, however, use both feet to kick out the taillight. That was probably a futile exercise seeing as there were most likely no police around, but he had to try. He was not going to go down without a fight, even if fighting was useless.

His mind went to Sam, and panic rose up inside of him. Sam was in trouble and he was not there to protect him. He just hoped that what he had shown Sam was enough for him to figure everything out, even if it incriminated Bucky even more; even if Sam would learn the full extent of his crimes. So long as it protected Sam, Bucky could live with that. Besides, Bucky mused, he himself was not going to live for much longer.

xXxXx

They had a contingency plan for this; Sam had written the plan himself. After he had taken Bucky in, he went straight to his charge, the Prince of Wakanda, and informed him of what was happening. The Dora Milaje were waiting for the SHIELD Agent to brief them further. Sam kept an eye on Erik and the door of the Presidential Suite as he waited for his call to connect.

“Wilson, talk to me,” said Nat as she answered her secure burner.

“Is Barnes still in interrogation?” asked Sam.

“No,” said Nat. “He was moved.”

“To the cells?”

“Negative,” she replied. “He’s not on-site.”

“Shit!” said Sam as he placed a hand behind his head.

“Sam, what’s goin’ on?”

“I need you to get Parker right now and go to the place where we spent the Fourth of July last year,” said Sam. “There’s a package there in the safe; a device that belongs to Barnes. Get it out, and have Parker search it.”

“What’s he lookin’ for?”

“Anything that links anyone on the inside of SHIELD to Steven Grant Rogers and an assassination plot against N’Jadaka,” said Sam. “Also, activate Barnes’ tracking device. I’ll send passcodes and instructions.”

“And then what?”

“Let me know what you find, but then keep that shit to yourself,” said Sam. “We can’t trust anyone anymore.” 

xXxXx

“Make it quick,” said Bucky, as he spat out blood and saliva.

Both of his arms were extended over his head and fixed to heavy chains that hung from the rusted scaffolding of the abandoned warehouse. He was certain he had broken ribs and a concussion. His mouth was busted, and his eye was closing from where it was bruised and swollen. They had beat him for around twenty minutes. Not to get information from him. They had all the information that they needed: He had been the one to hit their colleagues and he was going to pay for it.

“Shut your fucking mouth,” said his abductor. “You don’t get to make requests.”

A second man punched Bucky in the stomach, winding him again.

Bucky let out a wry laugh after coughing and then said, “That’s what I said to your father before I fucked his loose asshole.”

That earned him another swift, hard blow.

“You think you’re funny, you American prick,” said the man giving the orders. “You won’t be laughing much longer.”

The man then said something in Armenian that Bucky did not understand. Suddenly, the chains were given slack and Bucky fell to the floor like a discarded piece of trash. He let out a pained cry as the chains struck him and his injuries were under further pressure.

“Fuck! You fucking cunt!” said Bucky as he winced in pain.

Both men dragged Bucky to his feet and placed his left arm in a large industrial vise. He struggled to free himself, but the clamp was tightened around his forearm. Soon thereafter, he heard the distinct sound of an electric power saw. As he lifted his gaze, the man holding the saw stepped closer to him and gave him a crooked, menacing smile.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place hours before Bucky was handed over to the Armenians and before Sam took him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All warnings for violence apply.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the support. I have loved hearing from all of you. I'm still amazed at how much love this fic has been receiving. I appreciate it. 
> 
> This chapter is a filler. Enjoy!

_Five Hours Ago_

A lump rose up in Sam’s throat before he said, “You owe me a fuckin’ explanation, Barnes. You put my life in danger; you put my career as an Agent in jeopardy. Why? Why did you have to come into my fucking life and make me fall in love with you? Why? When you knew _your_ life was in danger all the time? When you knew it wasn’t gonna last between us?”

Bucky let his gaze take in Sam’s pained expression a beat. The look in Sam’s eyes stabbed at Bucky’s chest and broke his heart in two.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” he whispered. “I was selfish. I just wanted you. I still want you. I love you so much.”

Tears fell from Sam’s eyes as he said, “Don’t say that. Just don’t. You were right. I fucked someone else. I fucked him tonight, right before I came over here.”

That took the air out of Bucky’s lungs.

“I was with him, and all I could think about was you,” Sam admitted. “Is this how it’s gonna be for the rest of my life? Am I ever gonna be able to get over you?”

“I’m never gonna get over you,” said Bucky. “Not ever. I love you, Sam Wilson. I never stopped loving you. We can make it work.”

“There’s no point,” said Sam, as he wiped his tears. “What we feel for each other doesn’t fuckin’ matter because you’re a killer and it’s my job to –”

“To take me in?”

“Yes.”

“What about your friend, Natasha.”

“What about her?”

“You’re tellin’ me you never read her file?” asked Bucky. “You’re tellin’ me you don’t know that she used to do the same damn thing as me?”

“That’s different,” said Sam.

“How? Because she defected? ‘Cause she’s one of you now?” said Bucky. “And she’s your best friend? You’re sayin’ you can forgive her for what she’s done, but not me?”

“Nat wasn’t doing that shit when we met,” said Sam. “It’s completely different. You were still doin’ it while we were together. You probably fucked me right after you killed someone. I was probably working your fuckin’ case. How could we ever make it work? What are supposed to do?”

The throbbing in Bucky’s head intensified as silence permeated the space between them.

“The way I see it, we got two options,” said Bucky, finally. “Either you take me in, or we leave this place together, right now, and never look back.”

Sam let out a laugh and said, “You honestly think it’s that simple? That I can just forget my family and friends, quit my job, and become a fuckin’ fugitive with you?”

“I’d do it for you.”

“We’re different, Barnes,” said Sam. “You obviously don’t have anything in your life that you can’t lose. Sometimes I wonder if you even _care_ about anything –”

“I care about you, Wilson. That’s what I’ve been tryin’ to get through that thick head of yours. I care about _you_. Nothing else matters to me, but you. I don’t want to lose you. So, let’s take this chance. Let’s leave together.”

Sam thought about it briefly. But he couldn’t do it. He loved Bucky, but he had responsibilities. He had family and friends. He had a life. He was not ready to give that up to go on the run with this dangerous man, even though he loved him. And this was best for Bucky, too.

“I can’t,” said Sam. “You know I can’t. I have to take you in.”

Bucky felt all of the air leave his lungs. He knew Sam would do what was right. He knew he would. His moral compass was always working. Sam would always do the right thing, even if it hurt him.

“I understand,” said Bucky. “I’m sorry for keepin’ this from you. I’m not sorry we met.”

Sam nodded his head even though his heart felt like it was being torn apart. He had to be strong and keep his integrity.

“I’m not sorry, either,” Sam proffered. “I mean that. I’m glad I met you, Bucky.”

Bucky let out a shaky breath and gave Sam a weak smile.

“Before you take me,” he started. “There’s somethin’ you need to see.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“There’s a tablet in my safe,” said Bucky. “I was tellin’ the truth when I said I kept details of everything. All the jobs we’ve done. All of the correspondence. The bank transactions. Pictures from the casing we’ve done. Proof of death pictures. All of Steve’s aliases. Details on his partner. The whole lot. I want you to take it.”

“You understand this incriminates you further?” said Sam. “I’m not just takin’ you in because you’re a criminal, and I’m a dumb fuck for even sayin’ this out loud, but it’s for your protection, too. I’m doing it so that you’re safe, Bucky. The Armenians are looking for you. Rogers is probably on his way to find you. The Wakandan War Dogs will not fuck around if they get word of this. Being inside SHIELD HQ is the safest place for you.”

“You’re not just doin’ this because of your job?”

“No, dumbass,” said Sam. “I’m tryin’ to keep your ass alive. You can pin everything on Rogers if you want. Hell, you might even be able to make a deal with Fury. But you have to be _alive_ to do that. The walls are closing in around you, Bucky. This is the play. Now, tell me where the tablet is.”

“The safe inside of my weapons room.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and then said, “Of course you have a fuckin’ weapons room. The locked room upstairs?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “Key is in my pocket.”

“I thought it was a sex dungeon or somethin’,” said Sam as he reached his hand into Bucky’s pocket.

Bucky smirked.

“You into that stuff, Sammy?” he asked. “Wish you had’ve told me earlier. You already got the handcuffs and shit; we could’ve had some fun.”

Sam felt his skin flush warm, and then rolled his eyes at Bucky. Even when he was shackled and ready to be turned over to the authorities, he was still a cocky, flirty asshole. It was no wonder Sam was in love with him.

“Focus, Barnes,” he said. “Let’s go.”

When they reached the weapons room, Sam unlocked the door and led Bucky to where his safe was. Bucky gave Sam the code. Sam was not at all surprised to see stacks of cash and devices inside of the safe.

“It’s the tablet on the bottom,” Bucky said. “The passcode is your date of birth.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and said, “Really?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “It’s the same for all of the protected files.”

“That’s so romantic of you,” said Sam sarcastically.

Bucky just shrugged and gestured to the cuffs, “Yeah, well, you’re obviously a romantic guy.”

Sam rolled his eyes as he grabbed a bag to put the device in. He then slung it over his shoulder and looked at Bucky.

“SHIELD HQ is the safest place for you.”

“You sure about that?”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing’s what it seems, dollface,” said Bucky. “Look at this shit we’re in right now. Just be careful. I was sent info on the Wakandan Prince right away. It was coming from somewhere. There’s probably someone workin’ for both sides inside your organization. Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I’m bein’ careful,” said Sam.

“Promise.”

Sam exhaled loudly before saying, “I promise.”

“Good,” said Bucky. “Can you do me one favor?”

“What?”

“There’s a chipping device inside of the safe,” Bucky explained. “I need you to chip me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t trust anyone but you,” said Bucky. “I know there’s someone inside of SHIELD. They were feeding Steve information. If something happens to me, I want you to at least be able to find my body.”

“Buck –”

“It’s fine, Sammy. Just do that for me, please. I thought I was okay with bein’ left in a shallow grave somewhere, but I’m not; I figured you might like to visit me at the cemetery and bring me flowers. No one’s ever brought me flowers before,” Bucky let out a laugh, though his eyes had no light behind them. “Can you do that for me?”

Sam swallowed hard and said, “Yeah, sure. I’ll do that for you.”

“Don’t look so worried, baby,” said Bucky. “Can you gimme a smile. I wanna remember your smile.”

Sam blinked away his tears and then gave Bucky a small, plaintive smile.

xXxXx

_Presently_…

The pain was searing, blindingly so, as the saw cut into Bucky’s left arm. The electric buzzing was drowned out by Bucky’s screams. The discomfort shot through his body and caused him to cry out in agony; his busted lip tore even more, and his broken ribs ached as he screamed out. It had been a long time since he had felt something so awful and intense. Bucky was certain he was about to lose consciousness again while the serrated edge tore through his flesh and inched close to his bone. Blood was everywhere; it covered his attacker’s plastic coat and the man had to stop a moment to wipe blood from his goggles.

_Fuck._ Bucky was going to be sick.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus on anything but the excruciating, unbearable pain. He fought to breathe his shallow breaths while he clenched his eyes tightly. He didn’t even realize just how loud the pained sounds that fell from his mouth were; it was a natural reaction he wasn’t even aware he was having.

Though his cries were loud, his mind was quiet. It was quiet because he went to a place that was safe and beautiful. He remembered the first time he had ever laid eyes on Sam Wilson from across that crowded ballroom. Sam, standing there near the ice sculpture, dressed in black and white with his blue bowtie. Angelic and stunning. Then, as the saw cut into his bone and the pain was too much, the last thing he saw was Sam’s pretty smile.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed warnings in the tags. This one is pretty full-on. Bucky is in grave danger.

Bullets whirred around, clashing with the sound of the electric saw. Bodies began to drop as Bucky was lured away from his wakefulness by the severe pain. He forced his eyes open one last time as he saw a blurry figure coming toward him in his haze.

“Sam?” he managed, just before he lost consciousness. “Sammy?”

xXxXx

It was quiet inside of the Presidential Suite, but there was a loud ringing in Sam’s ears. It rang out in time with the throbbing in his head. He had a task at hand; a job to do, which was to protect Erik, but he could not focus. Not while Bucky was missing and his whole world was spiralling out of control.

“Wilson?” Erik’s voice broke his reverie. “What do you think?”

“Uh?”

“Your thoughts,” Erik pressed. “On what we should be doin’ next? There are people out here tryin to kill me, right?”

“Right.”

“So, what’s our next move?”

A message came through on Sam’s work phone. He looked down at the screen discreetly.

“You need to get that?” asked Erik, noticing that the SHIELD Agent had become increasingly distracted.

“I’m sorry,” said Sam. “There’s something else goin’ on right now, and what’s happening with you is important, and I’m here with my attention split.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Sam,” said Erik as he stepped closer. “The Dora are the best warriors Wakanda has. I have more than enough protection, so if you need to go –”

“I couldn’t do that,” said Sam. “I have responsibilities –”

“You also have a lead on who wants me dead, right?”

“Yes,” said Sam with a nod of his head.

“Well, follow your lead,” said Erik. “And I’ll wait here for you.”

He gave Sam a confident, encouraging smile as he placed a firm hand to his shoulder.

“Okay,” said Sam. “I won’t be long.”

Sam checked the message on his phone. It was from Nat and read: _We’ve got a location on Barnes. Sending it and our rendezvous point to you now._

Sam let out a relieved sigh and then placed his phone back into his pocket. He nodded to Erik and informed one of the Dora Milaje that Level One Safety Protocols were now in place. With that, he left the suite and made his way to the basement via the service elevator; he was so consumed with worry for Bucky that he did not notice he was being followed by two Wakandans.

xXxXx

It took twenty minutes to rendezvous with Nat. Twenty fucking minutes. They knew where Bucky was and were presently headed to the location. Nat had hacked local security cameras as well as traffic cameras.

“What’d you find?” asked Sam as he drove the car she had stolen.

“There’s a gas station seven miles up the road,” she said. “And the only traffic that took the exit leading to where Barnes’ signal is flashing was a rental van. I didn’t have time to watch hours of footage, but I assume they’re still there.”

“Any idea who has him?”

“I’d say Armenians,” said Nat. “The footage was too grainy to run facial recognition, but it’s a good bet it’s them.”

“Any leads on Rogers?”

“No,” she replied. “Parker is still searching all of the files Barnes gave you, and it’s – a lot.”

Sam sighed.

“A lot?”

“Yeah.”

“How bad?”

“It’s bad, Sam,” Nat said. “He’s done a lot of bad shit to a lot of bad people.”

“I figured,” said Sam.

“And you still wanna save him?”

“I have to,” said Sam. “He should be brought to justice, not be left to die alone in some abandoned building on the outskirts o’ town.”

Nat nodded her head, and said, “Y’know, I could’ve just as easily ended up in some shit like this.”

“I know,” said Sam. “I saw your personnel file – the classified one.”

“It never bothered you?” she asked. “Knowing what I did and who I used to be?”

“I can’t really be the one to judge,” said Sam. “We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.”

“Not to the extent that I did,” said Nat.

“What do you want me to say?” asked Sam. “That I’m disgusted in you? That knowing your past changes our friendship?”

Nat shrugged.

“Well, it doesn’t,” said Sam. “And what Bucky did doesn’t matter, either. Not right now.”

“Okay,” said Nat. “And thank you.”

“For what?” asked Sam as he knit his brow.

“For being who you are,” she said with a smile. “You’re a hero, Sammy, and none of us deserve you.”

xXxXx

Upon arriving at the location, Sam and Nat did a quick sweep of the area, and then proceeded to breach the building. Sam moved forward as Nat covered him; they each wore tactical gear and night-vision goggles. The warehouse was in darkness and the coppery smell of blood and gunpowder filled it. They were too late. The assailants had fled.

“Fuck!” said Sam, as dread settled deep within him. He knew this had changed from a rescue mission to a recovery-of-remains. He had to take a deep breath as Nat found a light switch.

“They’re gone,” she said.

“I can see that,” said Sam. “Is his tracker still working?”

Nat took out a device and then said, “Yes. He’s close.”

Sam swallowed hard and then stepped toward Nat before saying, “Where’s he at?”

Nat lifted her gaze and then pointed to one of the large pieces of obsolete machinery that sat near a wall.

“Over there,” she said as Sam turned to make his way to where the signal was coming from. “Sam. Don’t.”

She gripped his arm gently.

“Let me.”

Sam pulled away from her softly and shook his head before replying, “I can do this.”

“Barnes?” he called out. “Barnes, show me your hands.”

No answer came. He felt his whole stomach sink lower into his body as his heart rate sped up. His throat was dry and a dull aching set into his temple. He could do it. He could. He had to, despite what might be waiting for him; despite if it meant that Bucky was dead and he was about to stumble on him.

Sam stilled his breathing and urged himself forward. He scanned the area until his eyes landed on the frightful sight before him. Pressed between the vise was Bucky’s blood-covered left arm; the arm Sam had placed the tracking device in; the lifeless, severed left arm. Sam was almost sick all over the crime scene. He bit back the bile and searched the immediate area only to find that the rest of Bucky’s body was nowhere to be seen.

xXxXx

The trailer was converted to a small, makeshift operating room, much like the clinical set-up that Bucky and Steve had when on particularly dangerous missions that left them worse for the wear. The mobile infirmaries had oft times saved their lives. Now, an unconscious, barely alive Bucky was attached to a breathing apparatus and heart monitor while two surgeons worked to stop his bleeding and close off the vicious wound where his arm had been.

They worked diligently, considering they were being held against their will; the threat of death was certainly a motivator for them.

After completing the ligations to stop the bleeding, they turned to their captor and said, “We’re done and he’s stable; we’ll have to keep monitoring him through the night after we give him the transfusions.”

“Good,” said Steve with a crooked smile. “Remember, if he dies, so do your families.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More revelations come to light as Sam, Nat, and Peter make some important discoveries in the wake of Bucky's abduction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all well and safe. Enjoy!

The night had dragged on longer than Sam thought it would. The bodies found where Bucky’s arm was located were confirmed to be the Armenians. The crime scene was crawling with Agents. Sam and Nat stood off to the side as Crime Scene technicians scoured the abandoned building; each were on different phone calls. Sam was speaking to Director Fury, and Nat was on a burner to Parker. Sam ended his call, and then waited for Nat to notice he was done.

“Parker, patch yourself through to Wilson’s burner,” she said, and Sam’s phone began to ring soon thereafter.

“Parker,” said Sam, speaking into his earpiece. “What’ve you got?”

“How secure is this line?” asked Parker.

“It’s secure,” said Sam. “Tell me what you’ve found.”

“Well, are you sitting down? Because this shit’s insane.”

“Parker.”

“Sorry. So, yeah. Sharon Carter is the one who’s been working with Rogers,” said Peter.

“What?” said Sam in disbelief. “How?”

“There’s a full dossier of her information and involvement,” said Parker. “Probably as some kind of leverage over her. It’s all here in Barnes’ device.”

“Fuck. And it’s legit?” asked Sam. “Not some kind of forgery to implicate her?”

“I triple checked it, Sam,” said Parker. “It’s legit. Some stuff dates back almost ten years. Not sure how they fell in together, but it’s all here. Every piece of evidence she ever fed them.”

“Did Barnes know?”

“He knew she was working with them,” said Parker. “But this file hasn’t been opened since Rogers edited it a little while ago. I had to breach it myself because none of Barnes’ passcodes worked. Looks like he knew Carter, but not that she was SHIELD. He walked right into HQ and she was there waiting for him.”

“You mean _I _walked him in and handed him over to her,” said Sam, deflated and shocked. “Handed him over to Rogers. It’s obvious he’s the one who has Bucky now. Fuck!”

“You couldn’t have known,” said Nat. “None of us did. She had us all fooled.”

“That’s right,” said Parker. “We can’t focus on what’s happened, we gotta look to what we need to do.”

“Exactly,” said Nat. “So, Sam; what’s the play?”

Sam took a steadying breath, glanced around to ensure no one was in earshot, and then began to relay what they needed to do next.

“Okay, this goes without saying, but this information,” said Sam. “It stays between us. I’m meeting with Fury as soon as I get back to HQ. I’m disclosing my relationship with Barnes to him.”

“You sure that’s the right move?” asked Nat.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “He’s gonna find out sooner or later. I have to disclose because it could be used against me. If Carter gets wind that we know, she’ll say I’m the one who was compromised. She’ll set me up. If, for now, we act like we don’t know she’s dirty, and I admit to Fury that Barnes was – _is _my ex, we can get ahead of it.”

“Alright, that makes sense,” said Nat. “What do you need us to do?”

“I need Parker to stay at the safehouse,” said Sam. “Peter, call in sick again. Make some social media posts about bad shrimp or a cold or something.”

“Copy that,” said Parker.

“Nat, you go back to HQ,” said Sam. “Business as usual for you. Work your case, but keep your eyes on Carter. I need to know where she is at all times. But play it cool. If she finds out that we’re onto her, they’ll kill Bucky for sure.”

“Sam?”

“What?” he replied, looking at his friend.

“You know, we probably should assume that Barnes is dead already,” she said softly. “I don’t know how anyone could’ve survived that type of trauma unless there was a medical assist at the ready.”

Sam sighed loudly and said, “I know. I just – I just have a hunch, a feeling that he’s still alive. Rogers shot the Armenians to get to Bucky. I gotta believe it was to help him, and not some sick game he’s playing.”

“I mean, that’s a possibility,” said Parker. “The sick game part.”

“Why?” asked Nat.

“Well, going through this shit that Barnes had saved, it looks like him and Rogers have done this type of thing in the past,” Peter explained.

“How?” asked Sam.

“Torture,” said Parker. “They’ve kept victims alive for days after – ”

“After what, Parker?” Sam pressed. “Talk to me.”

“After they’ve kidnapped someone,” said Peter. “They’ve had makeshift torture chambers set up inside of RVs. Soundproofed. With medical supplies. One of the files detailed how they had a crime boss on an IV drip for a week in the back of an RV after they – wow, after they cut off his hands. Kept him alive to extract information, and then executed him.”

“Shit,” said Sam, feeling sick to his stomach.

“Okay, so, Rogers could be doin’ this to Barnes right now,” said Nat.

“Yeah,” said Sam, before clearing his throat. “So, Parker, use your program to monitor and search the dark web. See if you can find any purchases made in the past week for black market analgesics like morphine or oxycodone.”

Parker started typing the parameters into his program.

“Searching,” he said. “What else?”

“Search for sales of anaesthetic drugs, too,” said Sam. “Stuff like nitrous oxide or fentanyl. If they were purchased with the analgesics, trace them until you find the buyers. Anything that required immediate delivery is what we’re looking for.”

“Got it. Anything else?” asked Peter.

“Yes,” Sam replied. “Run a check for any medical personnel who’ve submitted any sick leave requests without notice. Anyone who’s planning on being away from work this week. Or anyone who hasn’t shown up for work and hasn’t let their employers know. Cross check with anyone who has gambling debts or who were fined for malpractice.”

“Okay,” said Parker. “Got it. Then what?”

“Then you send their details to Nat and I,” said Sam. “Also, see if you can pick up their cell GPS or find any recent social media check-ins.”

“Alright,” said Parker. “I’m on it.”

“Thank you,” said Sam. “We couldn’t do any of this without you. Appreciate your help. And remember, everything’s gonna work out, kid. We’ll bring Carter down.”

“I know,” said Parker. “And Sam.”

“Yeah?”

“We’ll find Barnes,” said Parker. “We will.”

…..

As Bucky came to, the first thing he noticed was the sound of a machine beeping loudly. He could barely open his eyes as there was a throbbing in his head. He felt groggy and disoriented; he felt way too heavy. He wanted to fall into sleep once more, but he knew that something was not right. Something was terribly wrong. He realized that he was hooked up to the machine. Then he felt pain in his extremities. _Then_ he remembered what happened.

He tried to speak, but there was a tube in his mouth helping him to breathe. He had to have been in a hospital. He just had to. The last thing he recalled was someone coming to rescue him. It was Sam. It had to be. He would be the only person to come for him. The only person who cared for him: His Sammy.

“He’s awake,” said an unfamiliar voice.

“Checking his vitals,” said another voice.

Bucky tried to move, but he was so heavy. He tried to lift his head, but it hurt so much. Then, he realized he was strapped down to the bed. This caused him more anxiety as he tried desperately to move.

“Stay still, Sergeant Barnes,” said one of the men whose voice he did not recognize. “You’ve been hurt badly. The tube in your throat has helped you to breathe. You’re awake now, and doing well, so I am going to remove the tube. But you need to stay still and let me help you.”

Against all of his instincts, Bucky complied.

“Good, now relax your throat and steady your breathing,” said the man; Bucky did the best he could. “I’m going to extract it on the count of three. You’re doing great. Ready. Three; two; one.”

Bucky coughed as the tube was removed swiftly and efficiently.

“Breathe, Sergeant. Breathe.”

He coughed some more, before the man gave him some water through a drinking straw.

“Drink this slowly,” he said. “And you’ll feel better.”

He then turned and spoke to another person.

“I’m going to sedate him again,” he said. “Now that he’s able to breathe on his own. Just so that the antibiotics can take effect.”

“Alright,” said a voice he thought he recognized, as the man injected a sedative into the IV. “And he’s gonna be okay?”

_Steve?_ Thought Bucky as he faded once again._ Is that – Steve?_ _Then where’s Sam?_

…..

“I appreciate you being so forthcoming with me, Wilson,” said Fury, after Sam relayed details on the nature of his relationship with one James Buchanan Barnes. “But why not sooner?”

“I only had time to bring him in, sir,” said Sam. “I’m still on active duty for the Wakandan job. I was only following a lead when we found the Armenians. I’m back on the Wakandan detail as soon as we’re finished here. What I mean to say is, I didn’t have time to debrief you because everything had happened so fast. I wasn’t trying to withhold anything from you.”

“Alright,” said Fury. “So, Barnes’ ex-partner, Rogers. You think he’s the one who killed the Armenians and abducted Barnes?”

“Yes, sir.”

“How would he know? Do you think there’s a leak?”

“Yes,” said Sam.

“Who do you suspect?” asked Fury.

“No one in particular, yet,” Sam lied; he thought they could trust Fury, but he needed to be one hundred percent sure. “I can get more information, but it’ll take a little time.”

“Alright, I wanna know as soon as you do.”

“Of course,” said Sam. “In the meantime, sir, I think we should keep this information between the two of us. And hold off on putting out an APB on Rogers.”

“I agree that what’s been discussed here _stays_ here,” said Fury. “But why don’t you want an APB on Rogers?”

“I think he has the means to find out about it,” said Sam. “There’s only three people who spoke to Barnes while he was here, and I don’t think Barnes implicated Rogers; I think someone here alerted Rogers to the fact that Barnes was brought in.”

“Who are the three people?”

“Me, Ross, and Carter,” said Sam evenly. “There’s no record of him offering Rogers up. So, Rogers was either tipped off by one of us, or by the officers doing the transfers, and frankly, I don’t think the officers have that kind of connection.”

“What are you saying?” asked Fury. “That it was one of my Agents, or CIA?”

“I’m saying the information Barnes has is valuable,” said Sam. “_Barnes_ is valuable. I don’t think Rogers is going to kill him, but I think someone _here_ is willing to. He has information that can implicate a lot of prominent people from a lot of places. We need to get to him before someone else does.”

“What do you suggest we do?”

“We act like Rogers isn’t our lead suspect,” said Sam. “And go about business as we normally would. Assign Nat to Barnes’ case, and let us work it. You can trust us to bring Barnes in alive.”

“And what about Rogers?” asked Fury.

“We only need Barnes,” said Sam as he sat up straighter in his seat. “So, I’m requesting permission to shoot Rogers on sight.”

Fury nodded his head, and said, “Alright. Get me the information that implicates Rogers first, and then your permission is granted. You’ll have shoot-to-kill orders on Rogers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is where everything comes to a head. Will Bucky be grateful that Steve saved him where Sam didn't? Can Fury be trusted? What will Sam do when he comes face-to-face with Rogers? All of these questions will be answered in the next update. If you enjoyed this one, let me know! Thanks!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait.

_Ten Years Ago_

The low moans and harsh grunts filled the small space of the dingy motel room. The air smelled of stale liquor and sex. There was no ventilation which made it extra warm. Sweat dripped from Bucky’s skin as he pushed Steve further into the mattress and fucked him from behind. They only did this fucking around on special occasions. Birthdays and such. It was Bucky’s birthday and they had ended up drunk at some dive bar before returning to the room that they paid for with the last of their savings.

Uncle Sam didn’t care much for veterans after they returned home. Bucky figured they were good with guns, so why not follow that path, wherever it might lead them. Steve’s friend Sharon had connections. So, with the last of their money, they booked the room, got drunk on cheap booze, and fucked. They had a new gig in the morning, something that would change everything for them, so they were going to enjoy their evening before the change would come.

“Shit,” said Bucky as he drew closer to his climax. “_Shit.”_

Steve moaned underneath him but said nothing as Bucky had his face pushed into the pillow.

“I’m close, Stevie,” he panted; his words slurred from the alcohol and his arousal. “You sure you wanna take it?”

Steve turned his head to the side and managed a weak, “Yes. God, yes, Buck. Give it to me.”

Bucky gripped his hips tightly and thrust into him almost frantically.

“Fuck,” said Bucky as he spilled his seed inside of Steve. “Fuck.”

He collapsed on top of Steve and fought to catch his breath. After withdrawing his spent cock, Bucky rolled over on the small bed and covered his eyes with his forearm, even though the only illumination was from the dim light fixed to the wall near the head of the bed.

“You okay?” he asked Steve, who had shifted to his side.

“Yeah, I just – I need to –” he was strumming his dick, chasing his own release.

“Need a hand with that?”

“No, Buck, it’s okay,” Steve said with a shaky voice. “_Shit_. I’m close. Just stay right there. _Fuck_. Stay there and let me look at ya.”

Bucky remained in his reclined position with his eyes still covered, as he relished in the afterglow of his orgasm. He could hear Steve’s heavy breathing next to him, and soon, felt the warmth of Steve’s come splash onto his thigh as his friend reached his climax.

“Shit, Buck. That was so good,” Steve said as he milked the last of his seed.

“Fuck yes,” said Bucky, as he turned to the side table and picked up the bottle of whiskey. He took a swig and then placed the bottle back down. “Happy birthday to me.”

Steve watched his friend before he pressed a kiss to Bucky’s shoulder and then whispered, “Happy birthday, Buck. I love you.”

Silence pervaded a brief moment, before Steve reached out to touch Bucky and said once more, “I love you. You know I love you.”

“Stevie, don’t,” said Bucky, as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “We had a good time, buddy. Don’t fuck it up with that sappy shit.”

“How am I fuckin’ it up?”

“This love shit, Rogers,” Bucky snapped. “That’s not us and you know it.”

“So, all I can expect is drunken birthday fucks from you?”

“Yeah, that’s all,” said Bucky, as he turned back to look down at his best friend. “You knew that since forever ago. Come on, man; let’s not fight ‘bout this again. No more lovey dovey shit, okay? We’re gonna go pop this drug dealer tomorrow, you remember? People who do what we’re about to do don’t get to be happy and in love, Stevie, so just get that shit outta your head. We get quick fucks in shitty motel rooms, okay?”

“Why? Why can’t we be happy?”

“I’m happy just bein’ friends,” said Bucky, somewhat sadly; mostly sad for his friend and his misplaced feelings.

“You don’t love me?”

“Not like you want me to, pal.”

Steve let out a sigh and then rolled over.

“I don’t have it in me, Stevie, you know that,” said Bucky in a matter-of-fact way. “I don’t have it in me to love _anybody_.”

“If you could, would you love me back?” asked Steve, his voice sounded so weak that Bucky almost felt sorry for him; _almost._

“Sure, pal,” Bucky lied. “If I could, I would.”

…..

_Present Day_

All Sam could do was wait: Wait until Parker got the information he needed; wait until they found a lead; wait until he had all the ammunition he needed to take down Carter. As it turned out, Sam had to wait for three days for _anything_. Though he was anxious about the whole situation, he could not really complain about location; there were far worse places to be than the Presidential Suite with Wakandan royalty.

Erik kept flirting with Sam, and Sam kept trying to focus on his job: Protecting the Prince of Wakanda. He couldn’t really blame the young man for trying to entertain himself. Security Protocols meant he was effectively locked inside of the Suite. His visit was interrupted and the main suspects in his assassination plot were at large. Sam could not blame him at all.

As Sam scrolled through the classified information that Parker was steadily sending through, he could feel Erik’s eyes on him. He lifted his head to see the younger man throw him a million-dollar smile.

“Y’know,” said Erik. “You can be really serious when you wanna be.”

Sam gave him a small smile and said, “It comes with the job.”

Erik nodded as Sam continued.

“_This_, sitting around and waiting,” Sam added. “This is part of the job, too. I’m sorry your visit got messed up like this, and I know you must be goin’ stir crazy, but until we have a location on the would-be assassin, I’m afraid you’re stuck here with me.”

Erik licked his lips and tilted his head to the side before replying, “Hey, the company’s just fine.”

That caused Sam to return his smile and say, “Still, I’m sorry we’re here.”

Erik shrugged and said, “If you told me who it was that wants me dead, I’m sure my people could make this go a whole lot quicker.”

Sam narrowed his eyes in contemplation and then said, “If I told you, how would I know that you wouldn’t find him and do somethin’ before we were able to bring him to justice?”

Erik leaned back in his chair and cocked his brow before replying, “You don’t, but you could probably use some help.”

“You know what?” said Sam. “You’re probably right. I’ll send their name to your Head of Security.”

“Can you tell me?” asked Erik as the grin returned to his face.

“I’ll tell them,” said Sam. “And what they do with the information is up to them. You have diplomatic immunity, but they don’t; so tell them to be careful. Also, if your people get a lead before I do, I need to know. Deal?”

“Deal,” said Erik. “Do we shake on it, or seal it with a kiss?”

Sam laughed a little and shook his head before saying, “A handshake is good enough for now.”

…..

“Sam?” Bucky called out, still groggy and in pain. “Sammy?”

The room was dark and cool. He was in bed. He felt like he was sinking into the mattress. His mouth was dry and his arm hurt. Confusion swirled around him as he heard movement in the room.

“Sam?”

“He’s not here,” said Steve, as he dragged his chair closer to the bed.

“Steve?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s me.”

“Where am I?” asked Bucky, as he turned his head to see Steve sitting beside him.

“You’re safe, Buck.”

“Where the fuck am I?” asked Bucky, trying to sit up. He felt dizzy and unsteady, so flopped back down to the bed.

“At one of our safehouses,” said Steve. “What do you remember?”

“Armenians tuned me up pretty good. Then Sam came for me before I passed out. Where is he?”

“That wasn’t him who came for you,” said Steve as he shifted his chair closer still. “It was me. I saved you.”

“Your friend Carter is the one who put me there in the first place.”

“She was doin’ her job protecting me. Something you’ve forgotten about.”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

“I saved your life.”

“I don’t care,” said Bucky, as he tried to sit. “I’m leaving.”

“It’s too dangerous, Buck. You’ve been hurt too bad. We’re gonna leave, today. Sharon’s got all of our documents ready to go. We’ll leave this place, Buck. Me and you. I’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t want you to. I gotta find Sam. He’s the one in danger.”

“For fuck’s sake, Barnes!” Steve snapped. “He’s the reason you’re in this situation. It’s all his fault. He arrested you, don’t you remember? He fuckin’ arrested you and you’re still worried about _him_? He took you in and look what happened: You lost your fucking arm.”

“What?” asked Bucky as he glanced to his right and then left. “What the fuck?”

Shock set in as he saw the damage, as his eyes fell on the place where his left arm used to be. He felt like he couldn’t breathe as the panic enveloped him.

“I saved you, Buck. I found you and I got you patched up, buddy. I came for you, not Sam Wilson. You owe me.”

“Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Shut up! How’d you even know where I was? You did this to me you sick fuck! You did this!”

“Hey, it’s okay. Shh,” said Steve as he tried to calm Bucky by placing his hand to his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Bucky said as he tried to push Steve away.

“Come on, Buck,” said Steve as he put his weight on Bucky and held him down before sticking him with needle full of hydromorphone.

Bucky began to fade once more as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he finally passed out.

…..

Sam was waiting for Parker to make more data transfers when he received a message from Peter to call.

“So, I found something pretty interesting,” said Parker after he answered.

“What’s that?”

“Prince N’Jadaka’s father was assassinated, right?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Rogers and Barnes were responsible for the hit.”

“What?”

“Rogers and Barnes,” Peter said once more. “They’re the ones who are responsible.”

“Shit,” said Sam, feeling a headache set in. Was Bucky even worth trying to find? To help? He had done so much horrible stuff, maybe Sam should have just let him go. “These motherfuckers. That’s huge. Were you able to link the hit to a customer?”

“No, not yet,” said Parker. “But, Sam, that’s kind of a weird coincidence, right? Them assassinating the father, and now being paid to hit the son.”

“It is,” Sam replied. “See if there’s any crossover in funding sources or links to customers. It could just be a weird coincidence, or it might mean something more. Thanks Parker. Was there anything else?”

“Yeah, I got a hit on a local surgeon who was reported missing by his family four days ago,” Parker explained. “He showed up today with no explanation to the authorities about where he’s been.”

“Great, send his details to me,” said Sam. “Get his picture to Nat to see if she’s spotted him around any of Rogers’ known safehouses. I’m gonna pay him a little visit.”

…..

“Thanks for doing this with me,” said Sam to Misty, as they approached Dr Dickerson’s residence.

“It’s no trouble, Sam,” said Misty with a smile. “I spoke to him earlier, and he didn’t give me any information. Maybe he’ll open up to a Fed.”

“We’ll see,” said Sam just as the door opened.

A tired looking man greeted them.

“Detective Knight,” he said. “Good to see you.”

“How are you Dr Dickerson?”

“Been better.”

“May we come in to talk?”

He glanced around, looking nervously at Sam, and then back to Misty.

“I don’t know what else to say to you, Detective,” said the man.

“Sir, please,” said Sam. “I get the idea that you’ve been through an ordeal this past week. We understand you’re scared, but we really need to talk to you. We need you to tell us what really happened. Why you were really missing. I can’t imagine what you went through, but we’re trying to find the person that kept you away from your family and terrorized you.”

“How? How’d you know?”

“Because people with families, a steady job, and a lifetime of service to the community don’t go missing for a week and then come back with no explanation,” said Sam firmly, but with compassion in his voice. “Someone took you away. We think we might know who it was, but you’ve gotta talk to us. We can offer you protection. You’ll be safe. Your family will be safe. Please, sir. Can we come in?”

…..

Stakeouts were Nat’s least favorite thing to do. She was more of a hands-on kind of agent. She had been sitting across the street in a commandeered apartment with eyes on one of the safehouses belonging to Steve Rogers wonderig if there was an easier, more interesting way to do things. He was a professional. There was no way having an Agent dressed as a delivery person would fool him and trick him into answering the door. If he and Barnes were there, they would not be answering the door or making trips in and out; someone had to be helping.

A message came through for her from Parker. A secure file with a few pictures of some doctor. She didn’t recognize him from her surveillance and told Peter as much.

“Parker, you should check with Wilson and then send the picture of this doctor to the Wakandans. They’re watching the other safehouses. Someone’s bound to have seen this guy if he’s involved.”

…..

Sam finished giving Parker the go ahead to provide the Dora Milaje with Dr Dickerson’s details, and then turned his attention to the man in question.

“Please, tell us from the start,” said Misty.

“Was about a month ago,” the doctor began to explain. “This guy came up to me at a café near my clinic. Showed me pictures of my wife and kids, even our dog. Said he’d hurt them if I didn’t help him.”

“What did he want you to do?” asked Sam.

“He needed help fitting out an RV with a mobile clinic,” Dr Dickerson explained. “Said he would supply the equipment, all I needed to do was to ensure it was going to be a functioning clinic.”

“Has anyone ever asked you to do that before?” asked Misty. “Anyone who might be into shady dealings?”

Dr Dickerson dropped his head.

“It’s okay,” said Sam. “You’re not going to get in trouble. We’re not here to arrest you, we need to find the man who came to you.”

“I don’t want any malpractice charges against me,” he proffered. “I’ve never, ever done anything like that. But, I know a colleague of mine has. He was involved with this.”

“Write his name down,” said Misty. “I’ll check him out.”

“Go on,” said Sam to the doctor. “What happened after you helped with the mobile clinic?”

“The man said he’d be in touch in a couple of weeks,” Dr Dickerson explained. “Had my colleague go to an apartment to set up some medical equipment there for him.”

“What kind of equipment was it? What kind of surgeon are you, Dr Dickerson?”

“I’m a trauma surgeon,” he proffered. “I work with patients who’ve been physically injured and need treatment. Extreme cases.”

“Like someone who’s had an appendage severed?”

“Yes.”

“Did you see someone like this while you were gone?” asked Sam, as the realization began to dawn on him.”

“I did,” Dr Dickerson said as he wrung his hands together. “After the man came back a week ago. He threatened me and my family again. Put me and my colleague in an RV and drove us lord knows where. When we arrived, he got out. Was gone for a little while. Then he came back with this other man slung over his shoulder. The guy was bleeding badly. Had his left arm amputated. I asked the man with the gun if the arm was close by.”

“You could have tried to reattach it?”

“Yeah, it’d have been a long shot, but I had to ask.”

“What did he say?”

“He said it wouldn’t be necessary,” said Dr Dickerson. “He said our job was to stop the bleeding, give him infusions, and save his life. So that’s what we did.”

Dr Dickerson’s hands were now shaking as he looked down to the carpeted floor of his living room.

“So, he’s alive?” asked Sam, feeling hope rise up in his chest.

“He was when we were released. I think Robert, my colleague, was still helping out. The man had questions about how soon his friend could fly and what dosages of pain medication he should use. Pretty sure Robert’s helping.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He’s had gambling troubles in the past,” said Dr Dickerson with a sigh. “He’ll do anything for money.”

Sam reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone. He opened it and found a picture of Bucky that he hadn’t deleted all those months ago after they had split. He looked at Bucky’s face a beat before showing the doctor.

“Is that him? Is that the man you patched up?”

Dr Dickerson narrowed his eyes before saying, “Sure, he was pale from blood loss and sustained injuries to his face from a beating, but that’s him. Sergeant Barnes.”

…..

“Misty,” said Sam as he found her outside of Dickerson’s house. “Did you put out an APB on Dickerson’s colleague?”

“Did it right away.”

Sam tried not to let his emotions get the better of him, but he felt nauseated. From what the doctor had told him, it was quite obvious to see that Steve Rogers had planned this. The whole thing. Bucky being handed over to the Armenians to be beaten and tortured; Bucky having his arm amputated; Bucky being patched back up. He had planned it at least a month in advance and Sam just walked Bucky straight into SHIELD and handed him over to be brutalized. He felt sick. He felt utterly sick and guilt-ridden.

“Wilson?” said Misty. “It’s done. We should go.”

“Yeah,” said Sam as he took a deep breath and followed Misty to her car. He pulled out his phone to call Parker.

“Hey, Sam.”

“Parker, I’ve sent through details on one of the surgeons, Robert Glenn. Can you get his picture to the Wakandans and –”

“Sam, that’s what I was just gonna call you about,” said Peter. “I got the APB then I got a hit on a traffic cam.”

“What was he driving and where was he going?”

“He’s in an RV on the Capitol Beltway,” Parker explained as he continued to monitor the cameras. 

“Can you track him through the other cams?”

“Of course. I’ve set my program to ping whenever he passes a cam. He’s on the MD-210 now. You think Barnes and Rogers are with him?”

“I sure as hell hope so,” said Sam.

“I can take some of the stoplights out remotely to slow them down.”

“Do that,” said Sam, impressed with the young man’s skills. “It’ll give us time to get out there.”

“What’s out there?”

“Potomac Airfield,” said Sam as he felt the urgency of the situation overwhelm him. “You need to contact air control and tell them to ground all the flights. My bet is they’re trying to leave the country.”

…..

“Drive around them,” said Rogers to Glenn.

“I can’t,” he replied.

“These lights have been out for too long,” said Steve as he looked around somewhat nervously.

“It happens,” said Glenn.

“Don’t get smart with me, pal,” said Steve as he reached for his gun and cocked the hammer. “I’ll put a hole in your head and drive this bitch myself. Now go the fuck around this car and drive through.”

The man did as he was told, even though the blaring of horns and curses were being thrown at them. Steve glanced to where Bucky was strapped in and sedated. The medication would wear off soon, so he wanted to get him onboard the private jet and in the air before that happened. Bucky would see the lengths he was willing to go for him: Getting him out of the country so that they could start life anew. He’d realize that all Steve wanted was the two of them together. That all Steve wanted was to look after him. Surely, he would have to realize that; he would have to understand his friend’s reasoning.

He placed a hand to the sleeping man’s knee and gave it a squeeze before saying, “Not long now, Buck. Not long now.”

…..

The flashing lights helped Sam and Misty get by most of the traffic. Parker helped with traffic lights where he could. Nat was en route. Local law enforcement had been called in to assist, yet told to keep their distance. They had back up and resources. But time felt as if it was going too slow. Yes, the flights were grounded, but Sam knew that this was probably Rogers’ endgame. He would kill anyone who got in his way. Local cops were told to monitor, but not approach, and Misty was receiving updates as they got closer: Rogers was there with Barnes and the doctor.

“Fuck,” said Sam, as they were still fifteen minutes out.

“They’re not goin’ anywhere, Wilson,” said Misty as she placed a comforting hand to Sam’s upper arm. “Just focus on getting us there in one piece.”

…..

Dr Glenn was checking Bucky’s vitals as Steve loaded the plane and spoke to the pilot he had hired. She informed him that all planes were grounded for some reason or another. While he had assurances from Carter that no one within SHIELD was after him, he could not help that niggling feeling that Sam Wilson just might be. He could not blame him, he’d do the same for Bucky. There was nothing he would not do for Bucky. If Sam Wilson loved Bucky half as much as Steve did, he’d try to stop them. Steve was shaken from his thoughts by the task at hand.

“Fuck that,” said Steve, as he continued to load a bag with cash, and another with weapons into the aircraft. “We leave on schedule.”

“They won’t let us,” said the pilot. “They’ve said no one is taking off right now.”

Steve pulled his pistol from the small of his back, aimed it at the woman and said, “This says yes; we leave on schedule or I’ll pop you right now and fly the damn thing myself.”

…..

The small Wakandan aircraft had many impressive features that most outside of the small nation were not privy to. One feature that served the pilot of said craft well, especially in difficult situations, was the stealth mode. Even though Erik and his security detail were coming into the Potomac Airfield’s airspace, they were not picked up on any tracking systems. They were able to land the craft, cloak it, and find where Steve Rogers was. Erik found him pointing his gun at a young pilot in a hangar.

“Drop it,” said Erik, as he aimed his own gun at Rogers.

“How’d you find me?” asked Steve, glancing at the Wakandan Prince and then back to the woman.

“You’re not as smart as you think,” Erik replied. “Now let the girl go and lower your weapon.”

“You have no jurisdiction here, Your Highness,” said Steve, keeping his weapon raised. “I was paid to kill you. There’s still hours in the day.”

Erik let out an amused laugh.

“Don’t take it so personal,” Steve added with a wry smirk. “Just business. Don’t tell me you got your royal panties in a twist over a business transaction?”

“It’s more than that,” said Erik as he inched closer. “I know it was you who killed my father.”

Steve looked at him a beat, before shrugging and saying, “Oops. Ya got me.”

…..

The Airfield came into view as Sam sped along the road.

“We got a position on Rogers?” he asked of Parker through their comms.

“Yes,” said Parker. “Sending coordinates to your sat-nav device now. Be careful, Sam.”

“Thanks, Pete, I will.”

Sam ended the call and them checked the car GPS. The blip to show where Rogers was flashed on the screen; they weren’t far away.

_I’m coming, Buck, _he thought, as his gut clenched tightly. _Just hold on._

…..

“Sweetheart,” said Steve to the pilot. “Come stand in front of me a minute.”

She looked so scared and was frozen in place as she stared down the barrel of his pistol.

“This guy ain’t a cop,” said Steve as he gestured for her to step over to him. “He’s not gonna save you, so save your fuckin’ self and get your ass over here. Now!”

She jumped a little, but then did as she was told. Steve placed her body in front of his, wrapped an arm around her waist, and pointed the gun to the back of her head.

“We’re late, Your Highness,” said Steve as he started to back away. “Don’t think you want this poor girl’s death on your hands.”

“I literally don’t care about any collateral damage,” said Erik coldly. “Do you know the lengths I went to just to find you?”

“What? Fucking Agent Wilson? Yeah, I mean, that’s taking it a little too far, but I’m pretty sure that asshole is like the first slice of bread in a loaf: Everyone’s touched it, but no one wants it.”

“You talk a lot of shit for someone who’s like the crust of the bread,” said Sam as he stepped from around the side of the hangar with his weapon drawn and aimed at Rogers. “Y’know. Cut out and tossed away.”

Steve pushed his gun harder into the pilot’s head and said, “Nice of you to join us, Wilson.”

“Miss, what’s your name?”

“Candice,” the pilot replied.

“Candice, everything’s going to be okay,” said Sam in a reassuring tone. “Keep looking at me, okay?”

“Don’t listen to him,” Steve spat, as he continued to slowly back away.

“Stop moving, Rogers,” said Sam. “It’s over. Let Candice go. She’s got nothin’ to do with any of this.”

“I don’t see why any of you fuckers are here,” said Steve. “What has _any_ of this got to do with you? Right, right. The Prince is upset about his daddy. I get that –”

“I got a clear shot, Sam,” said Erik, still aiming his weapon at Steve. “Let me take it.”

“No!” said Sam. “Do _not_ shoot.”

“You should probably listen to this cocksucker,” said Steve to Erik. “He doesn’t care if you’re royalty, he’ll take you down. He’ll sell you out even after he’s fucked you. He’ll fuck you, then fuck you over. He’s, y’know, shitty like that.”

“Drop the weapon, Rogers,” Sam said, redirecting his attention.

“Shut the fuck up, Wilson,” said Steve. “Why are you even here?”

“You know why. Now where is he?”

“Who, Bucky?”

“Yes.”

“You’re worried about him _now_?”

“What did you do to him?”

“You should be askin’ yourself that,” Steve spat.

“Barnes! If you’re able to, I’m gonna need you to come out,” Sam called out loudly enough for anyone inside of the jet to hear. 

“Hey! Fuckface! You don’t get to talk to him,” said Steve angrily, aiming his weapon away from Candice’s head and pointing it at Sam.

“I got a shot,” said Erik. “Wilson. I got a clear shot.”

“No,” said Sam to Erik.

“Listen to him,” Steve interrupted, pointing his weapon back at Candice. “I’ll blow noodles out of her fuckin’ head, I swear.”

“Alright, be cool,” said Erik, lowering his weapon slightly.

“Where’s your back-up, Wilson?” Steve asked, as he looked around a moment.

“There is no back-up,” Sam lied. “I came here on my own. I came for Barnes.”

Steve scoffed and said, “You’re so full of shit. You know that? Do you know what you did to him?”

“I know.”

“Yet you still show up here looking for him? What? You’re here to finally kill him, is that it?”

“Hand him over, Rogers.”

Steve let out a laugh, though it seemed as if his composure was cracking.

“You honestly think I’m gonna hand him over to you?” asked Rogers, incredulously. “You didn’t appreciate him, Wilson. You turned him in the first chance you got. He’s special. And you couldn’t see that. _He_ couldn’t see that I’m the better choice. I’m the one he should’ve loved, not you. Why’d he love you, uh? What’s so fucking good about you? I’m the one who was there with him when his parents died! I’m the one who served with him. I was there when we were both captured and tortured! I pulled him up out of the shit. I got him work making more money than we’d ever need! I fucking fixed him and then you came along and took him away from me.”

Steve shoved Candice to the ground and pointed his pistol at Sam as he walked toward him.

“You came along and you stole him from me,” said Steve as he inched closer to Sam. “You fucked everything up! I loved him and he wanted you! You fucked everything –”

“Stevie?”

Rogers froze in place at the sound of his name coming from Bucky’s cracked lips.

“Stevie, what’s goin’ on?” asked Bucky.

Rogers kept his eyes and weapon on Sam.

“Nothin, buddy,” he replied. “Go sit back down.”

Sam tried to glance at Bucky, but Steve yelled, “Hey! Don’t you fuckin’ look at him. You don’t get to look at him!”

Bucky turned his gaze to Sam, who had his eyes and weapon trained on Steve. It was a fucking stand-off. Bucky felt his mouth go dry and his heartrate hasten. Steve wasn’t going to back down. He knew what he was like. He had heard some of what he had said to Sam. There was no way he was going to back down. He’d kill them all before he let that happen.

“Stevie, c’mon,” said Bucky, his voice a little husky, his breath a little short. “He ain’t worth it.”

The words actually stung Bucky’s throat. Of course Sam was worth it. Sam was the only person in his world worth a damn, so he had to save him. He had to. Even if it meant saying words that were not true.

“So now he ain’t worth it, uh, Buck? You woke up lookin’ for this dumb bitch. I should put a bullet in his stupid fucking head right now –”

“No!” Bucky yelled, surprising himself. “Leave him. Let’s go, Stevie. C’mon. Just me and you. Let’s go. I don’t want him. Look what he did to me.”

“That’s’ right. He did that to you,” said Steve. “I’m trying to protect you.”

“You did such a good job, Stevie,” said Bucky, feeling the pain creep back in as the drugs wore off. “I can see it, now. How much you care for me. How much you love me.”

“I love you so fuckin’ much, Buck.”

“I know, baby,” said Bucky, wearing Steve’s resolve down. “And I love you, too.”

Steve blinked several times in rapid succession and lowered his gun slightly before saying, “What?”

“I love you, Stevie. Only you. Let this asshole go and let’s get outta here,” said Bucky as he kept his eyes on Sam. “Look at me, Stevie. I love you. Look at me.”

A little elated chortle escaped Steve’s lips as he smiled and turned his head to look at Bucky. His eyes were filled with mirth for a split second before he registered the coldness in Bucky’s as he pulled the trigger and shot Steve in the shoulder. Rogers fell to the ground as both Sam and Erik lunged for him. Amid the tussle, just as Misty rounded the corner, Rogers’ weapon discharged.

“Get the gun!” she cried as Erik knocked it from Steve’s hand and punched him in the face. “Get his hands! His hands!”

Misty pistol whipped Rogers and began to cuff him. Bucky had already noticed Sam before she did. He was kneeling with his hand pressed to his lower abdomen as the blood ran from under his bullet-proof vest.

“Sam!” Bucky called as he tried to rush toward him but stumbled and fell. “Fuck! Sammy! Sammy!”

…..

It was all a blur as yelling and scuffling encircled Sam. He placed his hand over his wound, trying to apply pressure as he bled out. Erik was by his side soon and pressing his hand to the wound.

“I need medics!” Misty yelled into her phone.

Bucky managed to scramble to his feet, though the amputation and drugs left him off kilter. He stumbled to where Sam was lying. Tears fell from his eyes.

“Sammy!” he called out, as he finally dropped to his knees near a bleeding, barely conscious Sam. “Baby. Baby. Stay with me. Please, stay with me.”

Sam’s eyes began to grow too heavy as he turned his head to look at Bucky.

“You’re okay?” Sam managed, as he reached a bloody hand up to cup Bucky’s face.

“Shhhh, Sammy, don’t speak,” said Bucky as tears streamed down his face. “I’m okay. You’re gonna be okay, too. I love you. I love you. Hang on, baby, hang on.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath. Scenes happen over hours, days, and weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost finished! Oh my goodness, what a ride. This chapter has a change of pace from the previous one and gives our boys some closure. Enjoy!

The usually calm and collected Misty Knight was pacing up and down the corridor that led to a waiting area of the hospital as Nat and Sarah sat on the uncomfortable chairs that lined the wall. It had been almost fifteen hours since Sam had been taken into the OR and there were still no updates. The three ladies were running on fumes when a doctor finally came out and approached Sarah. Misty stopped her pacing and rushed over.

“How is he?” asked Sarah as she furrowed her brow.

“He’s stable,” said the doctor.

“Oh, thank God,” said Sarah as she let the tears fall; Nat rubbed her back and Misty let out a long, deep breath of relief.

“Ms. Wilson, you’re his next of kin, so I’ll need you to come to one of the consultation rooms and I’ll give you a full update.”

“Okay,” said Sarah as she stood up, shaky on her feet.

“We’ll be right here,” said Misty as Sarah gave her and Nat a grateful smile.

…..

“So, he’s gonna be okay?” asked Sarah of the surgeon.

“I expect your brother will make a full recovery. The bullet passed right through his body, but there was a little internal organ damage and he lost quite a large amount of blood. Other than that, he’s fine. He’ll need to stay in while we monitor him, and possibly spend a month or so in our rehabilitation unit to rest and convalesce, but everything is looking positive for him.”

“Thank you, doctor,” said Sarah as she wiped a tear from her eye. “When can he have visitors?”

“As soon as he wakes up, we’ll give you a call.”

…..

“Didn’t think I’d be your first visitor, did you?” asked Director Fury as he stepped into Bucky’s guarded hospital room.

Bucky turned his head to look at Fury but said nothing; the pain medication coming from the IV left him feeling good, but groggy. He was going to enjoy it while he could. Enjoy it before they hauled him off to jail, never to see the outside of a prison wall again.

“Mind if I take a seat?” asked Fury.

“Do whatever you like,” said Bucky as he watched the other man.

Fury sat down and said, “You need anything. A sip of water? Your pillow fluffed?”

“I need you to get to your point,” Bucky replied in an annoyed manner.

“I’ve seen your record, Barnes, and I must say I’m impressed.”

Bucky snorted and smiled wryly. “Impressed by which record? My service record or my extra curriculars?”

“Both,” said Fury as he leaned back in his chair. “I have to say, you did some valuable work for this country while you were serving. Stuff that no one will ever know about, but valuable nonetheless. And you made sacrifices. How long were you a POW?”

“You read the file, how about you tell me.”

Fury let out a dry laugh and said, “You should be proud of your service record.”

“I shot a shitload o’ people. Got captured and tortured. That’s nothing to be proud of.”

“Maybe we see pride as different things,” said Fury as he gestured between them with his hand. “Either way, you have an impressive skillset. Especially your extra curriculars, as you put it. You’ve been busy, Barnes.”

Bucky shrugged but said nothing.

“It took technicians a while to go through all of the information you left with Wilson –”

At the mention of Sam’s name, Bucky perked up.

“Is he okay? Sammy, is he okay? I’ve asked, but no one tells you shit around here. Your goons on the door are tightlipped motherfuckers. Tighter than a fish’s ass and that shit’s waterproof.”

Fury let out another laugh. He liked Barnes, the murder for hire, notwithstanding.

“He’s a Federal Agent, Barnes, and you’re a criminal he apprehended. No one’s gonna give you updates on him, even if he was your lover.”

“Is he alive?”

“He is.”

Bucky let out a relieved sigh and said, “Thank God.”

“Never took you for a religious man. Suppose you’re not, considering all the shit you’ve done.”

“Why are you here? I’m not goin’ anywhere,” said Bucky as he lifted his arm and rattled the chain that shacked him to the hospital bed.

“I’m here because you’re an interesting person who kept immaculate records. I like people who know how to keep records. Never know when you might need that information It’s going to come in pretty handy when we indict Sharon Carter and a few others.”

“You know about Carter?”

“I do now, thanks to the work Wilson did. Thanks to your records.”

“And you came down here to tell me you’re proud of me and give me a gold star?”

“I don’t do gold stars,” said Fury quite seriously; Bucky kind of liked him. “I’m here to ask for your cooperation. Rogers and Carter are in custody. All of their accounts have been frozen. I was hoping you could give me more information on them. How they know one another. The full extent of their relationship.”

“So, more than what’s in the records I gave to Sam?”

“Yes. I need to know more than what was written down.”

“And what do I get out of this?”

“You’re in no position to make a deal here, Barnes.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and said, “I’m not sayin’ I’m some kind of victim, but I was held against my will by Steve. I’m the only person who lived to talk, so I guess I’m a live victim of sorts. That’s gotta count for somethin’.”

“You’re not going to make for a reliable witness, if that’s what you’re angling for.”

“I’m not. I just want to make sure my testimony goes toward Steve’s charges. He can’t walk away from this. Hell, I know I’m not gonna walk away from this. I want to help you. I want to cooperate. But I want one thing.”

“To see Wilson?”

“Yes.”

“It’s up to him, so I can’t make any promises.”

“I know. I know. I just _need _to see him.”

“And if he doesn’t want to see you?”

“Then I’ll have to think about if I wanna cooperate.”

…..

“No flowers?” asked Sam groggily as he watched Director Fury step into his private hospital room.

“I had some sent over while you were still out, Wilson,” Fury said with a hint of a smile.

“I figured. It’s like a damn florist’s shop in here. They said I was out for a few days. Woke up to all o’ this.”

“People care about you, Wilson.”

Sam nodded his head and then went quiet a moment. Fury continued to speak.

“He asked about you when I saw him today.”

Sam did not need to ask who.

“You asked him to cooperate and he asked you if he could see me, am I right?”

“Correct.”

“What did he say?”

“That he would think about it and that he wanted to see you.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“I told him that it was your choice if you wanted to speak with him, and it is, Sam. I’m not gonna force you to so we can get him to work with us. Besides, I think he’s going to cooperate either way.”

“I guess he’s changed, then.”

“Maybe he’s tired.”

“Yeah, I am, too,”

“Will you see him?”

“Where is he?”

“In a guarded room two levels up from here.”

“What should I do?”

“You don’t have to do anything except heal. You’re one of my best Agents, Wilson. We need you.”

Sam grew quiet and contemplative a moment before asking, “What if I don’t want to come back?”

Fury shrugged and sniffed one of the flowers before replying, “That’s your choice.”

…..

The vibrating of Sam’s phone got Sarah’s attention as she changed the flowers in Sam’s room. He had been there for the better part of two weeks and was slowly getting better. He still hadn’t seen Bucky the whole time they were both there.

“If that’s your damn boss again, tell him to fuck off,” Sarah said with an unimpressed look on her face.

“Shit, Sar. Don’t make me laugh, it still hurts.”

“Sorry. But he said you could take all the time you need, and you’re not even out the hospital yet and he’s still blowing up your phone? Do I need to have a word with him? What does he want?”

“You two would make a cute couple,” Sam teased.

“Boy, don’t make me poke you in the stitches.”

“Stop makin’ me laugh.”

“Stop answering messages from your boss.”

Sam shook his head and smiled as he read the message from Fury.

“He’s sayin’ that Bucky’s being discharged from hospital and remanded today.”

Sarah ceased her flower arranging and raised her eyebrows.

“You want to see him?”

“Yeah,” said Sam with a shrug. “I want him to know I’m okay. That I’m gonna be okay. And to say goodbye.”

Sarah nodded her head and said, “You want me to take you there?”

Sam bit his bottom lip and said, “Thank you. I’d like that.”

…..

When one of the Agents who was transporting Bucky that day wheeled Sam into his room, Bucky felt the immediate urge to rush toward Sam. He thought the better of it when the Agent gave him a stern look and said they had ten minutes.

The pair stared at one another as Sam gave Bucky a sympathetic look.

“Shit,” said Sam as he looked to the place where his arm used to be. “You’ve been adjusting okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Bucky as he took a seat on the bed; Sam wheeled himself closer. “They only kept me in longer than normal because of the small drug dependency I acquired.”

Sam knit his brow and asked, “What drug dependency?”

“From the shit Steve pumped into me.”

“Fuck,” said Sam as he ran his thumb over the creases in his forehead. “He did a real number on you, the prick.”

“Yeah. But I’m alright, now. What about you? They wouldn’t tell me anything after you got out of the OR.”

“I’m good, Buck.”

The term of endearment made Bucky’s heart clench. He knew things between them could never be the same again, but he still cared for Sam. Still felt deeply for him. He still loved him.

“I’ll be staying in rehab for a while, and then I’m takin’ a break from all o’ this.”

“You deserve a break. You deserve everything good in this world.”

Sam nodded his head and averted his gaze; it was as if Bucky was peering directly into his soul. The sincerity behind his eyes made Sam feel a tugging in his chest.

“I know,” said Sam as he met Bucky’s gaze once more. An awkwardness passed between them before Bucky spoke once again.

“So, I guess this is it, uh? This is goodbye?” he asked, and Sam could see the pain in his eyes.

“Yeah,” said Sam as his voice cracked a little. “Looks like it is. I just – I wanted to say thanks. Thanks for helpin’ me when I came for you.”

Bucky gave Sam a weak little smile and said, “Thanks for coming after me.”

Silence pervaded once more before Bucky added, “And I’m sorry about everything I did and said that hurt you.”

“I accept your apology.”

“I just want you to know that you changed me, Sam. I never cared about anyone more than I cared about you. I _still_ care about you. Thank you for showing me what love feels like.”

Sam felt the tears well in his eyes.

“Take care of yourself, Bucky,” said Sam in earnest. “Make sure to contact someone at the DC VA Medical Center to advocate for your healthcare before anything else happens.”

“You mean before they lock me up. It’s okay, Sammy. I know what’s next,” said Bucky as Sam gave him another sympathetic look. “So please don’t do that. Don’t feel sorry for me, Dollface. This is the least of what I deserve.”

“You didn’t deserve to be brutalized by Rogers. I hope he fucking chokes.”

Bucky cracked a small, crooked grin before saying, “He’ll get what he deserves, too. We all will.”

Another beat of silence passed between them before Sam broke it with an earnest question.

“Are you gonna be alright, Buck? Like _truly_ be alright?”

“As long as you’re okay, then I’m okay,” he replied with a gentleness that made Sam’s heart do something that he could not explain.

“C’mere,” said Sam quietly as he gestured for Bucky.

The other man stood and moved toward his former lover. Sam tried to lift himself out of the mobility device and winced a little.

“Sammy, don’t. You don’t need to –”

Sam waved off Bucky’s concern and managed to stand up, with some discomfort. Bucky helped to steady Sam by taking hold of his arm. The pair stared at one another and held on tightly as Sam leaned in and placed a kiss to Bucky’s trembling lips. They drew apart slightly and rested their brows together as Sam said, “Goodbye, Buck.”

A tear rolled down Bucky’s face as he sucked in a shaky breath and said, “Bye, Baby. I love you.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A coda to this journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, everyone. The last chapter of this story. Thank you all for the love and support on this. It's been a wild ride. I appreciate all of the bookmarks, comments, and kudos. You all put wind in my sails. Okay, here we go.

Sam squinted at the screen of the holo-monitor. He should not have been keeping up with the news while he was on sabbatical, but the Agent in him liked to stay informed. He closed the screen and focused on his conversation with Nat.

“I know it’s been over a year and SHIELD doesn’t like to broadcast this shit, but is that really all the news coverage about the whole damn thing?”

“Looks like,” said Nat through the phone. “And that’s more than what you asked to be kept in the loop about.”

“I don’t have clearance, Nat.”

“Yeah, but that’ll all be reinstated in, what? Thirty hours?”

“Yeah.”

“You happy to be back?”

“I’m not back just yet.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I will be.”

“Gonna miss all that Wakandan sunshine?”

“Hell yes. It’s been too nice here. You know how good it is to sleep in every single day?”

“I can only imagine,” Nat said with a grin. “Maybe you should extend your leave by another week or two? I’m sure Fury would allow it.”

Sam contemplated his friend’s suggestion a moment, but shook his head and said, “Nah, you know me, always need to be where the action is.”

“Speaking of action, I’m surprised the Prince even let you up for air.”

Sam felt his face flush warm as he rolled his eyes.

“Remind me to never tell you anything again.”

“What? Can’t tell me you’re only there for the scenery.”

“This is a beautiful part of the world, Nat.”

“Yeah, and Erik’s pretty easy on the eyes, too.”

“I told you it’s nothin serious,” said Sam with a wave of his hand even though his friend could not see the gesture. “Just a little vacation fun.”

“Right, right.”

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just – never mind.”

“Nah, tell me.”

“I dunno, Sam. Seems like he’s really into you. Don’t you at least like him?”

“Erik’s a great guy,” said Sam with a smile. “And he’s been nothing but nice and hospitable. But I gotta get back to work. It’s been over twelve months. Three of them have been spent here. I love Wakanda and Erik’s been amazing, but I’m ready. I’m ready to go home and get back to what I do best.”

“Okay. What’d he say?”

“Wants me to stay. But I can’t. I miss everyone back home. Hell, I kind of even miss Fury.”

Nat all but snorted before saying, “Yeah, now I know you’ve been in that Wakandan sun for too long.”

Sam laughed and said, “It’s been amazing, though. Just what I needed. But I’m ready. Is there anything you wanna tell me before I land Stateside?”

“Come on, Sam. You said no updates about him, remember?”

“I know, I just don’t wanna check my newsfeed and read something about the whole shitstorm. I don’t wanna see his face. Not like that.”

“To be honest, there’s been nothing. Rogers’ trial? What trial? There’s been no news. His arrest has had zero publicity, but when it does, Barnes will be a key witness and most likely a conspirator. And what I showed you just before, the report about a security breech within SHIELD’s upper ranks, is all that’s come out about the whole damn thing. No one knows where Carter’s being held. Well, no one with my pay grade.”

“Yeah,” said Sam, annoyed at himself for still caring about what happens to Bucky. “I hate to think about all the secret deals being made.”

“No one’s contacted you about your testimony?”

“Not yet,” said Sam with a huff. “Don’t even know if I’ll get the call. All I know is I’m goin’ back to work and that’s gonna be my focus from here on out.”

Silence passed between them a moment.

“You there, Nat?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I was just gonna ask.”

“Ask what?”

“If you’re okay? You went through a traumatic experience, Sam. I just wanna know if you’re really ready to come back.”

“I was shot and survived it,” said Sam, evenly. “It’s kind of par for the course in this line of work.”

“I’m serious, Wilson. You’re ready to come back?”

“I am,” said Sam with confidence. “I’ll be seein’ you real soon.”

…..

To say that Sam was jetlagged was an understatement. He slept an additional five hours when he finally made it home. It was late afternoon before he dragged himself out of bed, showered, and then called Sarah. He was still cleaning and airing out his home when his sister arrived with Thai takeout, a box of chocolates, and a stack of mail for him.

They sat in the living room and ate while catching up.

“You’re lookin’ good,” she said with a smile. “I’m kinda digging the beard.”

Sam proffered a smile in her direction before running his hand over his face and saying, “Thanks, Sar. Took a little getting used to. After it grew in while I was in rehab, I thought the change was good. And look at you, goin’ natural. You look great.”

Sarah smiled and ruffled her tightly coiled hair before replying, “Thanks, Sammy. Seems like we both needed a bit of a change.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re feelin’ okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Well rested. Just wanna get back to the action.”

“Do you have any idea what you’ll be doin’?”

“Heading into my promotion,” said Sam with a grin. “It was a huge deal to bring Carter in. I can basically handpick my own team now. Choose which missions I think are important. It’s gonna be good, Sar. I can get a lot of important work done.”

“I’m so proud of you, Sammy,” she said in earnest. “And I’m glad you’re back.”

…

After Sarah left, Sam ate some more chocolate and checked his mail. It was mostly paper bills that he had already paid online, catalogues, and a few invitations to Stark fundraisers; Sam figured him not being taken off the mailing lists was an oversight since he and Tony were no longer friends.

In amongst the bills, junk mail, and invites was a smaller envelope addressed to him in handwritten scrawl. Sam flipped it over and then opened it to find a card. When he looked inside the card, there was a happy birthday message to him from Bucky Barnes. Sam felt a fluttering in his stomach that was soon replaced by a sense of melancholy. There was no return address on the envelope. That made sense. SHIELD prison facilities were not for rehabilitation; they were to keep dangerous people away from the general population. Sam vaguely wondered how Barnes had gotten a security officer to deliver the letter; he assumed Bucky had many contacts from many walks of life. He hoped Bucky was okay.

…..

It felt strange walking into SHIELD HQ. It felt equal parts familiar and foreign. Upon arrival, Sam was ushered into the Security Office while his biometric access was reinstated, and his passcodes and clearance access were updated. It was a mundane, but essential part of coming back to work. Once it was taken care of, Sam made his way into the inner workings of the building and went to find his new office. He would have exactly twenty minutes to get situated before his first official meeting.

He took up a seat at his desk and proceeded to log on to his computer. It took a moment for his settings to load. While he waited, Sam glanced around the small room. There was a desk and chair which he was sitting at, two chairs on the other side of the desk; a potted indoors plant in the corner that looked like it could do with some water; a bookshelf that housed a number of dusty volumized policies; a filing cabinet; a set of clocks with time zones of several capital cities worldwide; and a framed photographic print of Barack Obama. Sam vaguely wondered how long it had been since someone occupied the space, though he was kind of glad a picture of Donald Trump wasn’t hanging on the wall.

Sam sighed, opened his email, and then checked his calendar. A meeting reminder flashed in the bottom right corner. Countless unread emails filled his inbox. Sam selected those which were sent with highest priority and then began the tedious task of opening them and scanning the contents. By the time the meeting had come, Sam was thankful to be away from his desk.

…

The particular boardroom where they were gathered looked more or less the same as the last time Sam had seen it. He sat toward the front of the room and made small talk with one of the other Agents until Nick Fury stepped into the room. Everyone fell silent and waited for the Director to speak.

“Good morning,” said Fury as he took up a seat at the head of the table. “Weekly comms have been distributed. When you’re up-to-speed, you’ll notice there’s allocated time for you to meet with me individually. You’ll have to work around these set times because I don’t have any flexibility this week. If anyone has concerns before your appointment, I want them in writing.”

There were several nods and hums of agreement from around the room; Sam sat back and twirled his pen around his fingers and listened as Fury continued.

“Any requisition orders are to go directly to Unit Chiefs then to Finance, people. This is not my job to sign off on these orders and push them up the line. Senior Agents only need a signature from Unit Chiefs to proceed. And all of these requisitions should be done well before the missions are executed, unless we have something come up out of the blue. I don’t want to have to say this again and again: Missions shouldn’t be held up because someone didn’t order their goddamn night vision goggles in time.”

Sam placed the pen down onto his compendium and looked around the room. People were making notes. He had never been in one of these upper echelon meetings before. It seemed weird that Fury had to remind people about their paperwork. He supposed there was a lot of admin to be done when you were a Unit Chief. He was beginning to think he just might miss field work after a week or two of this. His attention went back to Fury when he heard his name being mentioned.

“I just wanted to take the time to welcome Sam Wilson back,” said Fury as the others nodded and offered him warm smiles. “He’ll be heading up the Domestic Terrorism Unit and filling the position that Carter vacated around twelve months ago. It’s good to have you back, Wilson.”

Sam offered a smile and said, “Thank you, Sir.”

…

After a while, Sam needed to stand up and walk around his office for a moment. He felt as if he had been sitting for too long. It was almost time for his one-on-one briefing with Fury, so he decided to get something to eat from the snack machine. He walked through the bullpen and over to the corridor. He had not seen Nat all day and wondered where she might be. When he reached the snack machine, there was an ‘out of order’ notice stuck to it. Sam cursed, turned on his heal, and made his way back to his office.

He took up a seat, checked his email again, and then decided to send a text to Nat. Just as he pulled his phone out, his desk phone began to ring. He pressed the speaker button and answered.

“Wilson here.”

“Wilson, I’m gonna head on down to your office for our meeting,” said Fury on the other line. “See you in five minutes.”

Fury arrived in three.

“You read all of your briefing notes?” asked Fury.

“Yes, Sir. Went through them last night,” Sam replied.

“Good, that means I won’t have to go into too much detail. I’ll just go over it with you once in person, and then the rest is up to you to decide how you’d like to proceed.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

“Right, so like it was outlined in the dossier, the same White nationalist group you helped bring in a year ago has been workin’ hard to build their ranks again. Another cell has surfaced locally, and they’ve moved their operations and recruitment to the dark web away from our prying eyes, or so they thought. We’ve ascertained that they’re in the market for this software program that will allow them to vet any prospective members and weed out law enforcement. Thing is, they think they’re buying software from someone who can help, but it’s one of ours.”

Sam nodded his head.

“Parker is going undercover to give a demo of the software and then make the sale.”

“Does the software really work?”

“Yes,” said Fury while leaning back in the chair. “But it’s loaded with a backdoor program that’ll give us access to their members database.”

“Nice,” said Sam with a smile.

“I know,” said Fury, smiling back at him. “Parker’s been in contact with them for almost three months now. He’s been really good since we put him in the field.”

“I’m not surprised at all. He’s a talented kid.”

“Yeah, and unassuming. Played a few online games or something with the Cell’s tech guy, built up a rapport, and he was in. They made him jump through the usual hoops, but he’s earned his spot.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Sam replied in earnest. “So, this meeting is happening tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“And what did you need me to do?”

“Sit in a van outside the rendezvous point and monitor,” said Fury. “STRIKE Team Six will be standing by. You make the call to send them in if the situation calls for it. But basically, you just gotta sit back and give the orders.”

“Okay,” said Sam as he nodded his head. “I can do that.”

…..

The last meeting of the day for Sam was with the SHIELD-appointed psychiatrist. She was an older White woman with a kind face. Sam felt comfortable with her from the start as she was straightforward and aware that he had had a long first day back at work.

“How was it?” she queried.

“Was fine,” said Sam.

“Can you elaborate?”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry,” he said, as he ran his hand over his beard. “It was like starting a new job at a completely new place, if I’m bein’ completely honest.”

“How so?”

“All of the administrative stuff like access and all o’ that was fine. Didn’t realize most of our access is suspended if we take more than six months off work. Talk about trust issues,” Sam said with a joking laugh.

“Your trust issues or SHIELD’s?”

He tilted his head to the side and said, “Both, I guess. I understand security protocol, I just don’t know how I feel about having to suspend access and reinstate it. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my break, but sometimes I felt like I might’ve wanted to check a work email.”

They both shared a laugh before she asked, “So, does that mean you’re the type to be worried about work while you’re on vacation?”

“Kind of,” said Sam with a shrug. “But this was more recuperating than a vacay. Sometimes I needed to get my mind off of trying to feel better, if that makes sense.”

“It does.”

“Yeah. It’s like feeling settled when you know what’s gonna happen. Work gives that kind of certainty.”

“So, now that you’re back, you feel settled?”

“It’s only been the first day, Doc.”

“True,” she replied with a smile. “What were you feeling uncertain about while on leave?”

Sam took a deep breath and then leaned back in the chair.

“I felt uncertain about what I wanted from life,” Sam admitted freely.

“You went through a traumatic experience.”

“Yeah, it was a lot.”

“I’ve read your file.”

“I figured as much,” said Sam with a slight chuckle. “Interesting reading?”

“Yes, I would say so. Your ex-boyfriend was involved in criminal activity?”

“Yes.”

“And part of the traumatic event that you endured?”

“He was there. I was there to bring him in.”

“That must’ve been one helluva conflict of interest.”

“It was, but I was the person who knew the case best.”

“And the assailant.”

“You could say that.”

“He was brutalized as well?”

“Yes. He was abducted, drugged, and tortured. He lost an arm.”

“That couldn’t have been easy for you to see.”

“It wasn’t. I cared for him very much.”

“Did you ever consider letting him get away?”

“No. I’m the one who arrested him in the first place.”

The doctor leaned forward slightly and then asked, “That couldn’t have been easy for you to make that decision.”

“I did what was right.”

“Yes, you did. But did you ever second guess your decision? Did you ever wonder what might’ve happened if you didn’t arrest Barnes and continued your relationship with him? Do you ever think about what might have been?”

Sam wrung his hands together and then stared at the wall a beat. He let out an exhausted sigh and then said, plainly, “Yeah. I think about it all the time.”

…..

The warmth of the shower was just what Sam needed after his first day back at work. He crawled into bed and let out a tired yawn. He did not understand why he was feeling so exhausted. It wasn’t as if he had done anything strenuous. It was mostly meetings and sitting in front of his computer. A much different routine than when he was in the field.

Sam got under his covers and then checked his phone. There was a text message from Erik asking how his day went and requesting that he let him know when he was free to talk so that he could call. Sam smiled at his screen. His time spent with Erik had been good. It was exciting and fun; Erik was exciting and fun.

Erik wanted something more serious with Sam, but Sam was holding back and he wasn’t one hundred percent sure why. Well, he wasn’t one hundred percent sure he was ready to admit the reason why.

He sighed and then reached over to the nightstand. There, he picked up the birthday card from Bucky. He ran his hand over the spot where Bucky had signed his name, just underneath where he had written, _I love you._

Sam closed his eyes and exhaled loudly before placing the card back to where it was and sending a message back to Erik, which read: _Hey. Had a long ass day. I’m gonna try to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow._

…..

It had been a long time since Sam had been fitted out in tactical gear. The clothing was a perfect fit, and he felt like he was ready for anything. He rode in a van with a small surveillance team and arrived at the rendezvous point twenty minutes before Parker was set to get there. A technician switched on the surveillance equipment and ran a few tests. They could hear chatter from inside of the busy coffeeshop.

“STRIKE Team Six, is everyone in position?”

“Yes, Sir,” someone answered over the comms.

“We’ve got eyes on the target,” said another. “Target looks to be doing a sweep of the perimeter. He’s heading inside now.”

“Copy that,” said Sam. “Keep eyes on him and wait. Parker’s ETA is in fifteen minutes. Stay frosty.”

Sam turned off his mic and focused on the surveillance screen in front of him. The place was crowded, both for Parker’s and the target’s safety as it was their first meeting face-to-face. There were two exits, and Sam’s team had them covered. If anything happened, there was the possibility for collateral damage. That was why Sam had a sniper positioned on the building across the road. To mitigate the risk of civilians and Parker being harmed, Sam decided to have someone at the ready to neutralize the target.

While it was a pretty low-risk mission for him, Sam had to admit it felt good being back out there. The little flutter of nerves and excitement he had been feeling on the drive over soon dissipated when Parker arrived.

“Parker’s here,” said Sam through the comms. “Everyone stay sharp and wait for my orders.”

…..

It was fast approaching the end of his workday when Sam poured a bottle of water into the pot holding the plant inside of his office. He checked the time on his watch and then went to sit down at his desk. He checked his work phone and saw there were no messages that needed his attention. He then checked his personal phone to find a couple of messages from Erik. Sam let out a sigh and placed the phone back inside of his pocket.

He opened the application that allowed Agents to search files on targets and those they had apprehended. Sam took a deep breath, glanced around, and began typing in the name _James Barnes _just as there was a rapping at his door. He closed the app and then cursed under his breath. It was time for his second psychological evaluation appointment.

“Come on in,” he called out as he logged off his computer.

He and the doctor greeted one another amicably before she took up a seat and proffered a genuine smile.

“How was your day today?” she asked.

“Better,” Sam replied. “I got to do a little more than stare at my computer screen.”

“What did you do?”

“Was out in the field,” Sam explained, before adding, “Well, not so much _in_ the field but more like guy-in-the-chair stuff.”

“Guy in the chair?”

“Yeah, I was the guy sitting in safety tellin’ everyone else what to do.”

“You don’t enjoy that?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s what I have to do, so I’m gonna do it.”

“Would you rather be the one who isn’t sitting back watching from a safe place?”

Sam sighed and said, “It’s not that I _want_ to be in danger, it’s just that I really do enjoy the action side of this work. I used to be a soldier. Being in the line of fire, or in dangerous situations doesn’t rattle me as much as it would a civilian. It’s just how it is. I thrive in amongst the action. This promotion is going to take some getting used to. Sitting back and not running into the danger is gonna take some getting used to.”

The doctor nodded and made a note on her tablet.

“How do you think that’s going to go for you? The getting used to it part?”

Sam raised both eyebrows and said, “I’ll be fine. I always am.”

…..

Two months had passed, and Sam was still getting used to his new duties and having to watch from a safe place. The software that Parker had sold to the terrorist group they were monitoring was paying off. Information was coming in daily, and they had already planned on dismantling the organization. It was fulfilling work, even if it wasn’t action packed.

On a personal front, Sam had slowly started pulling away from Erik. He rarely returned calls and used the excuse that he was busy or tired when he failed to reply to text messages. While Sam was busy, it was more than that. He realized that he was still very much hung up on Bucky and honestly could not see himself being with anyone else just yet. Though, given the number of charges he was certain Bucky would be indicted on, and the terms each charge carried, he figured there’d be more than enough time to get over him for good.

Sam had just arrived at SHIELD HQ when he was called to Fury’s office. He found the stern looking man sitting at his desk with a serious expression on his face.

“Have a seat,” said Fury.

Sam took a seat and said, “Everything okay?”

“Do you have a go-bag ready?”

“Yes, of course. What’s going on?”

“I need someone I can trust for an asset extraction. I have someone deep UC. They’ve been out of contact with their handler for three months.”

“Three months? That’s a long time for radio silence. Why the wait?”

“This one’s off the books, so to speak,” Fury explained.

“Do I need to know what the mission is?”

“No. I just need you to find the asset and bring them back.”

“What if they’ve been compromised?”

“Then you neutralize them. Can you do that?”

“Yes, I can do that,” said Sam, even though he wasn’t sure if he could shoot to kill on command. He was, however, grateful that Fury thought of him for the covert mission.

“Good. This is going to be dangerous, and I wouldn’t normally ask an Agent who is so fresh back from sabbatical, but you’re one of the best we have, Wilson. You’re the man for this job.”

“Thank you, Sir. Just tell me what I need to do and where I need to be.”

Fury typed something on his tablet and Sam’s work phone vibrated.

“All of the information you need has been sent to your device. Memorize it and then erase the file. The asset has a burner phone that the handler uses to contact them. They call, leave a message, and then meet at the rendezvous point. I need you to call, leave the message, and then wait for the asset to arrive.”

“What happens if they don’t show up?”

“Then they’re either dead or in the wind.”

“What happens when they do show?”

“Bring ‘em in, Wilson. Bring ‘em in or take ‘em out. Either way, they are no longer on this UC mission.”

Sam nodded his head and started reading the file. After a moment, he lifted his head and asked, “Most of this is classified. No name or picture for the UC agent, which I get: Need to know and all that. But what happens if I get in trouble? Is there the chance of extraction for me?”

“Yes,” said Fury. “We’ll send Natasha.”

…..

“Sammy, this – this is serious. Why can’t you tell me anything about where you’re goin’?”

“It’s classified, Sar. You just gotta trust in my ability as an Agent, here. I’ll be gone for a little while and I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“I don’t like this.”

“Neither do I, but I’ve felt like I’ve been sitting on my hands these past couple of months.”

“You’ve been safe behind a desk.”

“Yeah, and that just ain’t me,” Sam replied. “Look, I’m just letting you know that I’ll be away. Don’t you stress about it.”

“Fine,” said Sarah, even though her voice began to shake. “Just promise me you’ll – just please, Sam. Please be safe. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

…..

The flight from DC to Cologne, Germany, was quicker than Sam had anticipated. Speed was one of the perks of travelling via SHIELD private jet. He slept on the plane, knowing that he needed to be sharp for the mission ahead. When he arrived at the SHIELD safehouse, he ate something, showered, and then left the message on the burner, just as he was instructed to.

“Hey, baby. It’s me. I hope this is still your number. I’m sorry about the fight. Please, I need to see you. Meet me at our favorite spot. I love you. Bye.”

Having left the recording verbatim, Sam used the phone to find directions to the rendezvous point. It was nearby. He was told to give the asset an hour to meet there in the exact spot they normally met the handler, so he decided he would walk. Sam placed the phone in his pocket and then went to the gun safe. He took out a Glock 17 and added a suppressor to the barrel. He then placed it on the table. He searched for, found, and shoved a standard lockpick in his back pocket and strapped a knife to his ankle.

Just then, the phone in his pocket vibrated. That was out of the ordinary, as far as he was told. The handler said there was no communication from their UC asset. This had to be a lead. Sam retrieved the phone to see a text message that read: _There are rats at our spot. Meet me here._

Seconds later, directions were sent to the phone and Sam had a decision to make: He could either wait at the original rendezvous point in an hour, or follow the directions to a place in Düsseldorf. He checked that his pistol was loaded, placed it in his holster, and walked out the door.

…..

The whole drive to Düsseldorf was quiet save for the radio playing softly. The driver didn’t make conversation and Sam was glad of it. He was too busy overthinking every scenario that could possibly happen.

One: The asset had been compromised and was luring him to his death

Two: The people the asset was working with had neutralized them and was using the burner to lure more SHIELD Agents to their death.

Three: Someone was just plain fucking with him.

Sam arrived at the new rendezvous point, pulled his hoodie on, thanked the driver, and then scoped out his surroundings. The meeting place was an understated alleyway out the back of a quaint bakery with no CCTV cameras and very few escape routes. He looked over his shoulder and then ambled carefully down the alley. As he passed a few trashcans and a couple of barred windows, he felt someone’s presence. He felt their presence too late and soon had a handgun pressed to his back.

“Walk,” was all the person said.

Sam raised both hands and did as he was told. The stranger pushed Sam toward a doorway at the end of the alley. They moved the gun from his back and aimed it at his head as they punched in a four-digit code and the door opened automatically. Another shove and Sam was inside of a dimly lit room. He scanned it immediately. There were no windows. One other door. A kitchenette and a bed. When he heard the door close behind them, Sam sprang into action.

He turned his body quickly and knocked the gun out of the person’s hand. He then landed a hard punch to their face, causing them to stagger backwards. They recovered and then lunged at him, landing a punch of their own that caused Sam to fall unceremoniously to the bed. Soon, the other person was on top of Sam, but he moved so that he was able to toss them from off of him and pin them to the bed. He placed his forearm to their throat as they hit him in the ribs from an awkward position in an attempt to move him.

“Get the fuck off o’ me!” the man spat as he continued to land punches, his American accent noticeable and familiar.

Sam stopped applying pressure to the person’s throat and looked down at him.

“Bucky?” he said, just as the man flipped him onto his back and pulled out a knife, holding it to his throat.

“Bucky?” he said again as his chest rose and fell rapidly; his heart pounding in his chest.

“Sam?” the other man said as he pulled the hood from off of Sam’s head. “Sammy? Fuck. It’s you. It’s fuckin’ you.”

Bucky shifted and helped Sam to sit, though he was still straddling his lap. The pair stared at one another, both wide eyed and fighting to catch their breaths. Bucky reached his hand up to caress the side of Sam’s face as he whispered, “I thought it was you who left the message. I thought it was. But then I thought they were playin’ a cruel trick on me. But it _was_ you, Sammy. It was you. God. I fuckin’ missed you.”

Sam was at a loss for words as he took in Bucky’s features. He had a full beard and his hair was long, but he still had the same beautiful, intense eyes. And he was right there. Right in front of Sam. After a year of yearning and wondering, Bucky was there with him in the small room in Düsseldorf. He kept repeating Sam’s name over and over as he ran a gentle hand over his cheek. Sam didn’t know what to offer in way of a reply, so he did what he had dreamed about doing for over a year: He grabbed Bucky by the back of his head and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Bucky wasted no time in deepening the kiss. He covered Sam’s body with his as their lips became reacquainted and he snaked a hand up under Sam’s jacket. He found the holstered pistol, and Sam had to pull away a moment.

“Shit, I’m carryin’. Hold up.”

Bucky pressed greedy kisses to Sam’s neck as he bit and sucked at the sensitive skin there. Sam moaned and found it even more difficult to remove the holster. Bucky lifted his head and smiled down at Sam as his long tresses framed his face.

“C’mon, Buck. We’re both wearing way too many clothes and weapons. Let’s take ‘em off.”

Barnes couldn’t argue with that logic. He pecked a quick kiss to Sam’s lips and then leaned back as he began to strip his jacket and then top away. Sam was still struggling with the strap when he noticed that Bucky had a prosthetic arm. His attention shifted from Barnes’ arm to where he was undoing his belt buckle and zipper. By the time Sam had removed the gun and placed it to the floor, Bucky already had his own cock out and was strumming it. The sight set Sam so hard that he wanted to cry.

“I got you,” said Bucky as he reached down and helped Sam out of shirt.

Bucky stopped a moment and stared at Sam. His eyes, though fiery and filled with desire, went soft for a beat as he took in Sam’s appearance. He leaned down to kiss Sam’s lips once more before whispering, “You’re still so beautiful, Sammy.”

Their kiss soon became heated as Bucky’s hand found its way between their bodies and cupped Sam’s erection. Sam moaned as Barnes slipped his hand into Sam’s jeans and took his dick out.

“God, baby I missed you,” said Bucky as he worked his hand over Sam’s hardened length. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too, Buck,” Sam said with his voice deep from arousal.

Bucky thumbed Sam’s slit and sucked at his neck before whispering close to his ear, “Fuck, baby. You’re wet and hard for me. You really did miss me.”

“Hmmm,” was all Sam could manage as Barnes pressed their shafts together before working his hand up both their lengths and rubbing the tips of their cocks against each other.

“Fuck,” said Bucky as he strummed their dicks harder and faster. The friction was so delicious that Sam was certain he would not last much longer.

“Buck, please,” Sam whined.

“You want me to stop?”

“No, I wanna get on top.”

Bucky smiled, kissed Sam’s collarbone, and then shifted so that he was on his back. Sam straddled his hips and blessed him with a bright beam. He looked like an angel and Bucky almost forgot to breathe. When Sam’s hand took hold of their erections, Bucky was brought back to reality. Sam strummed them a few times before he leaned forward, placed his hands to Bucky’s chest and started to roll his hips. Sam slid his hands up to Bucky’s shoulders, laid his body against the other man’s, and then began to move his hips once more. Sam’s perfect sex pressed against Bucky’s achingly hard cock; the extra pressure from their toned abs squeezing and caressing their dicks added to their pleasure.

Bucky gripped Sam’s ass to drag him closer as he thrust upwards to meet Sam’s movements. Their lips stayed connected in an endless, messy kiss that stifled their moans. Sam kept sliding his cock against Bucky’s even when Bucky’s finger slipped between his plump cheeks and dipped into his hole.

“Fuck, Sammy. You feel amazing. _God_, you’re gonna make me come, baby.”

Sam hastened his movements. Their dicks were straining against each other; both dripping and aching.

“Oh, fuck,” said Sam as he rubbed his cock against Bucky’s with more fevor. “_Fuck_.”

He gripped onto to Bucky’s broad shoulders and moaned loudly as the white, hot stream of come spurted from his tip and coated both of their stomachs. Sam kept writhing as Bucky’s release followed soon thereafter. Barnes held him in place as he came all over Sam’s spent cock.

…..

There was a still calmness inside of Bucky’s safehouse. He and Sam had spent the past thirty minutes in silence, gently holding and caressing one another; sharing loving kisses where their skin was just searing hot. Quietly content in the moment, but feeling the dread creeping to the surface with each passing minute. 

“How long have you got?” Bucky finally asked as he lay beside Sam and trailed his fingers over the scar on Sam’s abdomen from when he had been shot. “Before you have to report back to SHIELD? Before you have to take me in?”

“Was given twelve hours,” said Sam as he glanced up at Bucky. “But that was like, two hours ago.”

“Did you know it was me you were comin’ for?”

“No. They said you were deep undercover. That you might’ve been compromised or dead. You’re off the books. Unofficial. I was the only Agent they trusted with the job.”

Bucky let out a little wry laugh before saying, “You’re the only one I’d let me take me in. Fury knew that.”

He ran his hand over Sam’s face as he smiled down at him: His beautiful, brave Sam.

“Are you gonna come quietly?” asked Wilson. “You gonna let me bring you in?”

“You gonna let me explain a few things?”

“Okay.”

Bucky leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Sam’s lips and said, “You know that day you caught Steve? The day you were shot?”

“Yeah.”

“I was pretty out of it. Not really able to think straight. Order my thoughts. Focus on much. And somewhere deep inside I was wishin’ I would’ve died.”

“You were in a lot of physical pain,” said Sam gently. “It’s understandable.”

“Why are you so understanding? Why’re you just so good?”

Sam shrugged, winked, and said, “Finish your explanation.”

Bucky gave him a small smile and then said, “I wanted to die that day.”

“Bucky.”

“No, it’s true. I wanted to die that day because I was thinkin’ life isn’t worth living if you’re not in it.

Then I heard your voice and I saw you, and that feeling went away. You know that counsellor I used to see?”

“Yeah.”

“She told me that in those moments of, I dunno, despair, I guess. When we’re at our lowest. We gotta remember that it’ll pass. We have to see past it. Focus on something that’s on the other side of despair. When I saw you there, Sam, I didn’t wanna die. Seeing you reminded me that that low feeling would pass.”

Sam gave Bucky a little beam.

“And then you got shot, and I was so scared ‘cause I thought I was gonna lose you. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you that day, baby.”

A silence passed between them as Bucky trailed his fingers over Sam’s bullet wound scar. 

“That’s why I’m here. That’s why I took Fury up on his offer.”

“And what was the offer?”

“Covert operations. Undercover missions. Nothing on the books. The dirty work no one else feels comfortable doin’. I do it and it keeps me out of prison. I do it and there might be something on the other side. Maybe I could go legit like your friend did and have my record locked away. Maybe I could be the type of man you could be with. All of this, takin’ the deal, going on these missions, I did it for you. I thought we could be together on the other side.”

Sam covered Bucky’s hand with his before saying, “I feel like there’s a but coming.”

“But deals change. Government agencies use people and then toss us aside when they’re done. SHIELD invested a lot of money in me. You don’t want to know how much this arm cost. But at the end of the day, when they don’t need me anymore, they’ll get rid of me. They ain’t exactly done with me yet, but they will be once the trial starts.”

“Rogers’ trial?”

“Yeah.”

“But you’ve got a deal, right? You testify against him and you stay outta prison?”

“Yeah, but only if I didn’t execute any heads of state who are strategic allies.”

“You mean N’Jobu Udaku?”

“Yeah.”

“But Rogers killed him, didn’t he?”

“No. I did.”

Sam couldn’t help the way a shiver crept up his spine. He still wasn’t used to the way that Bucky spoke so freely about the crimes he had committed.

“Steve wasn’t even in Wakanda with me when I did it. He has an alibi. He’s gonna cut a deal of his own. I know it. I bet he won’t even go to trial. Hell, Fury might enlist him, too, same way he did me. I just know what Steve’s like. He’s not gonna let me get away with this. The Wakandans aren’t gonna let an American operative get away with it. Once this mission’s done, they’ll throw me back in a cell. SHIELD will cover their own asses while playin’ at diplomacy.”

A quick silence passed between them before Bucky continued to speak.

“I have an off-shore account that SHIELD doesn’t know about,” he proffered. “Got another safehouse in that place you like so much, Weimar, and two others in non-extradition countries. I got the means to get away from everything and live a comfortable life.”

“Why’re you tellin’ me all of this, Bucky?”

“I want you to know that if you let me go, if you tell Fury I was killed on this job, that I’ll be alright. But if you ask me to go with you, Sammy, if you take me in, then I know I’ll end up back in a cell or with a bullet in my head somewhere. It’s what I deserve, but I know you love me. I know you do. And I know how much it’ll hurt you. I don’t want you to hurt. I don’t want you to read about it in the news or in some mission report,” he explained. “I’m disposable right now. Guess I always have been. I bought some time, hoping I’d get to see you one last time. And I’m glad I did.”

“Me, too,” said Sam earnestly, his voice sounding hoarse. “I’m glad I got to see you, too.”

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Bucky reminded Sam. “We don’t have a lot of time before you make your decision to let me go or take me in.”

“I know.”

“So, what do we do?” Bucky asked as he brought his hand up to cup Sam’s face.

Sam drew Bucky in for a kiss and then whispered breathlessly, “We make the most of it.”

…..

The tiny red dot on the screen did not move; it had not moved in the past twenty-four hours. That was never a good sign. Nat knew it was not a good sign. She steadied her breathing as she scoped out the area. It was a semi-busy street in an understated part of Düsseldorf. She walked down the alleyway and the red dot grew bigger as the signal grew stronger. It led her to a door that was ajar. She peered inside and then a wave of relief washed over her.

“Sam? Oh, thank fuck. Are you okay? Have you cleared this place?”

“It’s fine,” Sam replied as Nat stepped inside and locked the door. “Are you alone? Fury said he’d send you if I got into trouble.”

“Yeah,” she replied taking up a seat beside Sam on the bed. “I came on my own. You sure you’re alright?”

Sam turned his head to look at his best friend, gave her a plaintive smile, and said, “I’m doin’ great.”

“Where’s the asset?” asked Nat. “Did you locate them?”

“Did you know Bucky was the asset?”

“Barnes? I didn’t know,” said Nat, as she instinctively glanced around the room realizing it was a safehouse and most likely the asset’s. “Where is he, Sam?”

“He’s not here,” Sam admitted.

“But you found him?”

“Yes.”

“What else did you find?”

“It’s been over a year, Nat,” Sam started. “Over a year and the feelings I have for him _still_ haven’t gone away. After everything we’ve been through, I still love him. That isn’t going to stop. I realize that now.”

“So, you let him go?”

“Not exactly, Nat. I did let him go, but I decided I’m goin’ with him.”

“Wilson? You cannot be serious right now.”

“I’ve never been more serious in my whole entire life,” Sam said in complete honesty. “I’m going with Bucky and I’m askin’ you to let me go.”

“Sammy, this is madness.”

“Is it? I’ve always played it safe. But this is my chance to live my life and not dwell on doin’ the right damn thing all the time.”

“Are you sure? You’re going to throw everything away for him?”

“Maybe I’m not throwin’ anything away,” said Sam, more to himself. “Maybe I’m getting what I want for once and everything else be damned. And why shouldn’t I?”

Nat just shrugged.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life behind a desk or in the back of a van tellin’ other people what to do.”

“I get it,” said Nat. “You want excitement. You want to chase the thrill. But the thrill dies down, Sam, if it doesn’t devour you first.”

“I know,” Sam replied as he leaned his head on her shoulder. “But at this point, I’d rather have it devour me than to let go of it. To let go of him. I don’t want to. I don’t think I can. He’s inside of me; he’s under my skin. I don’t want to live without him. I don’t want to let him go.”

“You sound like you’ve made your decision,” said Nat as she felt a lump form in her throat. “Why’d you wait here for me?”

“You’re my best friend,” said Sam, with a quiver to his voice. “I wanted to see you and maybe see if you could talk some sense into me.”

He let out a little chuckle and she mirrored him before asking, “Did it work?”

“Nope,” said Sam as he entwined their fingers. “I still don’t wanna let him go.”

“Okay, dumbass,” said Nat as a tear fell down her face. “Since I couldn’t talk you out of it, what do you need from me?”

“I need you to explain to Sarah. I need you to tell her I’ll contact her when it’s safe. I need you to look after her.”

“I will,” said Nat as she gave Sam’s hand a squeeze. “Anything else?”

“Don’t be sad about this. We’ll see one another again.

She lifted her head, drew Sam into an embrace and said, “I know we will.”

…..

_Two Years Later_

_Undisclosed Location_

Tiny speckles of sweat covered Sam’s nakedness and caused his skin to glisten in the early morning sunlight. Small, pleasured whimpers escaped his lips. His eyes rolled closed a moment as Bucky lapped at his neck and thrust deeper inside of him. Sam moaned once more and clenched himself tightly around Bucky’s hardness. The intensity was almost blinding

Barnes kissed his lips and then said, “Look at me, Dollface.”

Sam opened his eyes and met Bucky’s desire-laden stare. He offered Sam a smile before his mouth fell open and he moaned loudly.

“God, Sammy,” Bucky all but cried out as he drove himself inside of his husband harder and faster. “I love you, baby; _fuck_, I love you.”

They shared a messy kiss as Sam dug his fingernails into Bucky’s searing flesh and took him deeper. Bucky took hold of Sam’s erection as he fucked his hole, both inching closer to their climax; each feeling themselves come undone. The build-up of having his husband’s impressive length pressing so perfectly against his spot had Sam wavering near the edge of his release for a while. The addition of Bucky’s flesh hand deftly strumming Sam’s cock is what brought on his orgasm.

“Hnnnnnn, _fuck. Fuck,_” was all Sam could manage as he came hard and spilled his seed over his own chest; the white stickiness dripped down Bucky’s fingers as he milked Sam a moment longer before he became too sensitive to touch.

The sight of Sam lying there, with a satiated look on his beautiful face, and his come-covered chest rising and falling as he steadied his breathing, was all Bucky needed to find the apex of his pleasure. He pumped into his husband a few more times before spilling inside of him and collapsing on top of him.

Bucky cursed out loud and then rested his head in the crook of Sam’s neck. Their hearts pounded loudly as they pressed their chests together. Bucky cursed again and closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of being so close to his husband. Sam threaded his fingers through Bucky’s hair and held him tight as the quickness of his breath slowed.

Bucky lifted his head and kissed Sam as he withdrew his spent cock. He then shifted so that he was on his back and Sam’s head was on his chest. Bucky kissed the top of Sam’s head and said, “I love you, baby.”

Sam draped his arm over Bucky’s waist and said, “I love you, too.”

…..

The sun had dropped below the tree line of the rural hideaway that Sam and Bucky now called home. Sam had just turned off the stove to let the food simmer for a moment when Bucky came through the kitchen door. He tossed his duffle bag down on the kitchen table and then sauntered over to where Sam was standing stirring their dinner. Bucky stood behind Sam and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. Sam smiled, placed the spoon down, then turned to face his husband. They shared a quick peck before Bucky took hold of Sam’s hand and led him to the table. He reached into the bag and retrieved two envelopes and handed them to Sam.

“Two letters from Sarah this time,” Bucky proffered.

“Yeah, I think it’s all of the pictures from her last vacation,” Sam explained.

“Nice.”

“You got everything else?”

“Yeah, baby. I got it. We’ll look over it later. You want a beer?”

“Thanks,” said Sam with a smile as he watched Bucky walk to the fridge.

Bucky turned to see Sam staring.

“Whatcha lookin’ at, Dollface?”

“Your narrow ass,” Sam said with a cheeky grin.

“You checkin me out?”

“Yep.”

“Still, after all this time?”

“Yes, Barnes. After all this time.”

Bucky walked over, handed the drink to Sam, and then kissed the top of his head, before saying, “Wanna skip dinner and go straight to bed?”

Sam smiled up at him and tugged at the hem of his shirt.

“You still thirsty for me after all this time?”

Bucky grinned down at Sam and said, “Yes, baby.”

…..

Fresh out of the shower after some vigorous lovemaking, Sam and Bucky sat in bed eating their dinner. Bucky finished first, placed his empty plate to the nightstand, and then retrieved a tablet from the bag on the floor. He opened up the encrypted message and handed it to Sam. A video of Nat came up on the screen. Sam smiled and then pressed play.

…..

“I don’t need you to do it for me every single time, y’know,” said Sam with a smile as Bucky pressed the Velcro straps in place on Sam’s tactical vest.

“Just makin’ sure it’s fitted right,” Bucky replied as he checked the bulletproof vest over once more and then kissed Sam’s forehead.

“Thank you, baby,” said Sam as he checked his sidearm, ensuring a loaded clip was in it before placing it into his holster.

“Don’t even mention it, sweetheart,” Bucky replied as he loaded the AR-15 rifle into the duffle bag. “You ready?”

Sam nodded and said, “Yeah. Got the coordinates?”

“Yeah. We’re good to go.”

“Okay, let’s move out.”

…..

The pair reached their destination in a timely manner. They did recon to ensure that the information Nat had sent them was accurate. From their vantage point, they could see, at first glance, that the intel seemed to be correct: There was one man on the gate of the disused auto shop, and two near the front door of the warehouse.

Sam checked the schematics on his device once more and said, “The abducted girls are in this room behind a false wall. We take the security cameras here and here, and then the guy on the gate.”

“Copy that,” said Bucky as pulled on his gloves and removed his weapon from the bag.

“Next, the guys at the door,” Sam explained. “When we blow the wall and get the girls out, we vet them before taking them to the cops. The first or newest arrival was most likely planted there. None of them are safe until we know who they all are.”

“Alright,” Bucky replied. “Let’s go.”

“Hey,” said Sam as he caught hold of Bucky’s arm. “Stay frosty. I’ll see you on the other side.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s lips quickly and said, “See you soon, Dollface.”

…..

“Fuck,” said Bucky as he winced a little when Sam dug the needle too deep.

Sam stopped what he was doing and said, “Sorry, Buck.”

“It’s okay, Sammy,” he replied. “Just go a little faster with those goddamn stitches.”

“I’m being careful, Barnes. Don’t wanna rush it,” said Sam as he finished the last two sutures and cut them. “You’re gettin’ soft in your old age.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky replied while Sam rubbed Vaseline over the stitches and placed a gauze over the wound. “You still love me, though.”

Sam kissed his bare shoulder and said, “Always.”

He packed away the medical kit, went to the bathroom, washed his hands, and then sat beside Bucky on their bed. Sam studied his profile a moment, before his husband turned to look at him.

“What’re you thinkin’ about, pretty boy?” asked Bucky as he cupped Sam’s chin.

“I hate that you got hurt tonight,” Sam admitted.

“It’s a flesh wound.”

“Still, I hate it. I can do the next job on my own.”

Bucky smiled gently at Sam and stroked his face before replying, “As if I’d let you do that. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you and I wasn’t there. We do this together, Sammy, or not at all.”

Sam nodded his head.

“But if you wanna call it quits, we can stop. We got enough money to retire this whole operation.”

“I know,” said Sam as he took hold of Bucky’s hand. “But this is important work. We get to use our skills to help people who the cops and everyone else forgot about. I like doing what we do; I love doin’ it with you.”

Bucky lifted Sam’s hand and kissed his knuckles.

“I love what we do, too,” said Bucky in earnest. “And it ain’t just atonement for me, it’s the fact that I get to do it with you.”

Sam smiled and then let out a little laugh before saying, “Who’d have thought, eh? Me and you being such a good pair?”

Bucky chuckled and said, “We’re a great pair.”

“We are,” Sam replied with an appreciative smile. “C’mon, let’s get some rest.”

The couple set about getting ready for bed, and soon climbed in beside one another. They remained silent as they extinguished the lights. Bucky moved closer to Sam and drew him into a hug; Sam’s back rested against Bucky’s chest. They each let out a contented sigh and entwined their fingers.

“Hey, Sammy?”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Y’know, if you ever wanted to stop all o’ this and just spend the rest of our days in bed gettin’ old and fat, I would do it. I’d do it for you. You know I’d do anything for you.”

Sam smiled to himself and gave Bucky’s hand a squeeze before replying, “I know. And I’d do anything for you, too. Now let’s get some sleep. G’night, Buck.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s neck and then whispered, “Goodnight, baby.”

Bucky closed his eyes and listened to his husband’s breathing as it settled into a steady rhythm. He laid there holding him until he was sure Sam had drifted off into slumber. Each night, since Sam had chosen to leave with him; since Sam had said yes to marrying him; since Sam had _chosen_ him, Bucky said a silent little thank you to the universe. He was grateful that someone like Sam Wilson loved him back. He was thankful that they got to live and love and make things right. He was thankful they got to do it together. Bucky smiled to himself, kissed Sam’s shoulder, and then sent his quiet gratitude out to the ether for the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on. A man he did not deserve, but who he was going to spend the rest of his life cherishing. Bucky would atone for his sins; he would, so long as his Sammy was by his side.


End file.
